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| | recurring thoughts among the myriads...i think it would be impossible to actually list all the things that have been and are and will be changing inside and outside of me. i can't wrap my mind around the sheer volume of changes that will all be crammed into the next two and a half months...and continue for many months after that. it's exhausting to try. and i've been exhausting myself with the trying :).
the concept of *life* in Christ has been on my mind, deeply and powerfully affecting me, nonstop for the past year. the seemingly simple concept that when i became a believer (or began to live with the purposeful intention of living not under myself or anyone else, but God), i was given life. that, somehow, life without God is death, and life with God is LIFE, more abundantly. i can't really express all that has changed within me towards God, and towards living, and towards others around me living with and without God...just through His somehow showing me all of life through the lens of my ever-deepening understanding and conceptualizing this true LIFE i've been given. i feel like all the deepest, most fearful parts of my innermost being have been dragged into a stark spotlight, turned upside down and inside out, and shoved back in...all twisted and re-worked and changed into almost unidentifiable shapes that feel cold and foreign back in their places in the deepest most sensitive parts of my soul. and they look like a mess most of them. shapeless, dark, clammy, and cold. and i don't really have time to inspect them. it's like, God knows i don't have time to inspect what He's been changing in me, so He's doing all kinds of things because He knows i don't have time to come check and see how He's doing, fixing me up in there. i don't have time to even protest anything He's doing in there. but i just know, somehow, that when some of this craziness in my life calms down, i'll finally have time to check out His fix-up job. and that soon, these deep parts of me that feel dark, foreign, shapeless and cold have actually been changed into something beautiful. and the crazy nothingness and unidentifiableness inside of me will eventually begin to take identifiable shape again.
i did, however, have time to do some research on the original meaning of the word that gets translated "life" in verses like "in Him was life, and that life was the Light of men," and "now this is eternal life, that they may know You, the one true God..." in the original Greek, i guess, there are two words that get translated "life." one means basically...alive. not dead. a living, breathing organism. but the other, "zoy" or "zoi" means "life with God," or "the life that God gives." (you Greek scholars feel free to correct me if the websites were totally lying to me ;)) but, i actually went to a website that had a Greek Bible you could look up passages in and read. if you can read Greek. i found john 1:4 (the "in Him was life..." one), and there it was--"zoi." except it was in Greek. zeta psi eta, actually :).
but, all that to say, the concept has been literally LIFE-altering for me. and i hope it continues to be. and if i ever get a tattoo, that is what it will be. the Greek word for life. those three Greek letters. i can't think of anything i would rather have permanently inscribed on my skin than that which has been permanently inscribed in my heart, soul, and mind :).
anyways. don't know why i'm up this late. but i'm thinking a lot. and that's probably why.
love to all :),
~ruthis | | | Posted 4/18/2008 2:44 AM - 2 comments
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