| | Rain Rain Go Away＃ Come Again another day＃. Better still..dun come back~
When
someone has lost their bubbly personality they once had, is it
impossible for them to be the happy-go-lucky person they once were?
Will they succeed if they strive hard enough. I honestly dun know.
When
I came back from my recent kuching trip, I was determined to take it
easy on myself. I loathe the Ida who is constantly whining about life,
from academics, to friends, to $$, to family? ( well, funny thing is,
KL is ranked as the 7th best city to live in.. but look what
the 4 yrs++ in KL did to me!? My kch trip did wonders. It finally
dawned on me that I'm not living my life as I ought to, or should I
say, I dun have the right attitude to life. The past yrs, I've asked
for too much, aimed at goals that are not within my league, without
realizing it. Having spent time with my old palz back home, and an
unintentional visit to my alma
matter help to clear the fog that was blinding me inside. It was den
when I questioned myself, "What has made me into this new person, why
can't I be as happy as I once was, even when life was at its
toughest?". With answers in my head, I returned from kch, with a strong
will + unyielding confidence that I will be the old me.?
I
KNOW wat was stripping happiness away from me, wat has caused me to be
paranoid at times, what led me to look down on myself? The truth is I
have been too obsessed with good grades ( and I never was back den b4
my tertiary education), and I've been pushing myself over the limits
but not getting the results I craved? Ever since uni started, I' ve
been creating disappointments for myself, semester after semester, thus
leading to a gradual loss of self respect and self confidence that
consequently diminished my self esteem in interpersonal
relationships/social activities. ( PLZ dun ask me why or how, it just
ended up this way.. )
But
heiii...背 put up a fight!?I no longer let academics dominate my life.
So far this semester has been great.. minus the fact that the uni has
terminated the service of a lecturer whom I assume is by far
the best we had., and some other minute chaos. Am Not pressurizing
myself to score, just going with the flow and I'm surprised to find
myself enjoying the lectures more den ever!?( prolly because I noe I
dun have to fight for first class hons anymore.. hehe). Aside from
that, my family.. is simply marvelous, parents are no longer fighting,
(they are so loving they're practically glued to each other, and yes,
it's rather ermmm sickening if they get
too intimate in front of me.. ha) financial prob settle and done with,
and I lived up to my promise, I've been going to church!! *fingers
crossed on this one..musn't stop*
Much
to my dismay, it seems I've overestimated my limited power.. Just when
everything seems to be perfect..?some flaws just had to set in.... life
is just plain twisted ! Am ?having increasingly more probs with my
shoes? Rather tired?need a break... need to calm down & get hold
of my emotions so I won't say or do things I'll regret in the days,
months or years to come!?*now gal, just like how they do it in Yoga classes...Inhallllleeee＃.exhalllllleeeeeeee, inhale
thru ur nose, and exhale slowly thru ur mouth* The yelling, the
contempt, and the countless attempt of fighting back tears or pointing
fingers at each other is definitely not doing us any good..苓esperately need
to stop!?aRGGhhhh!? *feeling weak and helpless!? * |
