iLLotaru's Xanga

OVER A YEAR WITHOUT TOUCHING XANGA!

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 20:29:33 GMT

i know wtf am i doing lol, yes i'm that bored...i'm tired (*evil grin) well i did add a crapload of pictures~! (just in case anyone still looks at this)

saw this on a myspace entry thought it was funny

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 10:12:47 GMT

From a guys point of view......

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Sat, 07 Jan 2006 15:29:29 GMT

holy crap so many people at the house last night..and derek puked on my freakin bed and on Mike! OMG lol..thank you D, Rico, Mike, G, and Dru for keepin an eye out with me and stuff..how long has it been that you've been in a party and almost EVERYONE who drank puked...welll its a story right? well after the puke fest it turned into a dance party. rgr that i'm out and tired

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Wed, 04 Jan 2006 10:25:28 GMT

happy new year >.< chilled in yonkers the eve..after a freakin long drive from florida and my plan to scrub and sleep was interrupted as rico ims me and says "wanna drive some more?" lol well besides being tired..it was good that i decided to go 'cause i haven't seen some of you peeps in a while! d,g,matt,sam,rico..good to see you guys! its good to know like even though i haven't seen them peeps in like ages, we still talk like we chill everyday.

steve i know you have high spirit and stuff but don't just sit there and regen..eat something damnit!

Friday, December 23, 2005

Fri, 23 Dec 2005 10:37:36 GMT

WHY IS CHRISTMAS SO EXPENSIVE DAMNIT! Thats it..i'm baking ghetto cookies for everyone next year >.<

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Thu, 15 Dec 2005 08:08:28 GMT

I find the coincidences of mike the boonani and gaylord focker to be far more interesting.

Posted 12/14/2005 at 8:04 PM by PBoiAndy - delete - block user

HAHAHAHHAAHHAH dude...i dropped my breakfast reading this shit

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Tue, 13 Dec 2005 11:02:30 GMT

so yea...i sure some of you already saw this but its my first time and i gotta say..wow coincidence:

Sept. 11 Coincidents

1) New York City has 11 letters

2) Afghanistan has 11 letters.

3) Ramsin Yuseb (The terrorist who threatened to destroy the Twin
Towers in 1993) has 11 letters.

4) George W Bush has 11 letters.

This could be a mere coincidence, but this gets more interesting:

1) New York is the 11th state.

2) The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number
11.

3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 2 = 11

4) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers, was carrying 65 passengers.
6 5 = 11

5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known. 9 1 1 = 11

6) The date is equal to the US emergency services telephone number
911. 9 1 1 = 11.

Sheer coincidence..?! Read on and make up your own mind:

1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was
254. 2 5 4 = 11.

2) September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year. Again 2 5 4
= 11.

3) The Madrid bombing took place on 3/11/2004. 3 1 1 2 4 = 11.

4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers
incident.

Now this is where things get totally eerie:

The most recognised symbol for the US, after the Stars & Stripes, is
the Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Quran, the Islamic
holy book:

"For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle.
The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo,
while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced: for
the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was
peace."

That verse is number 9.11 of the Quran.

Still uncovinced about all of this..?! Try this and see how you feel
afterwards, it made my hair stand on end:

Open Microsoft Word and do the following:

1. Type in capitals Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first
plane to hit one of the Twin Towers.

2. Highlight the Q33 NY.

3. Change the font size to 48.

4. Change the actual font to the WINGDINGS (wonder why there is star?)

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 10:29:14 GMT

So i'm suppose to update...i tried copying a steve style photo thingie..
*shrug* and uhh lets see...i'm tired? and i got this game called
"The Movies"...its pretty hot..its like the Sims but cooler..yea i'm a dork.

OMG I REALLY POSTED SOMETHING LIKE...AN UPDATE??!?!? WTF!

yea all jokes aside, at work today..i'm serious now...some old guy went up to
our personal underwriter(like an 80 year old grumpy hag, those who heard her
while i was on the phone with you know who i'm talkin about) and used prolly
the only insurance pick-up line that got me into shock mode for the rest of the week.
hey says "Can you insure my penis?" now that itself shocked me. then this 80
year old grumpy hag responded with "Ok, i need length, girth, size."

DOUBLE YEWW TEE EFF???? i left work for 5 minutes and took a smoke
while to recover from the shock

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 16:12:04 GMT

So its like this right? Yea i see how it is. You know..you sure you want it this way? i never wanted it like this...hey you..yea you..never mind..i'll tell you what.....

i dunno what i want to type..just killing time at work ;p OH STUPID THINGS AT WORK RIGHT?!?!?! so this woman who's like born before dinosaurs EVERY 5 MINUTES has a f-in computer issue, its either, finding a link on teh webpage because she can't tell the difference between links and regular text, or the difference between highlighting and clicking the link! get fired OLD HAG so i can hook up my friends with a job!

oh yea!

funny! but not only that? why do people still type like that?

Friday, November 18, 2005

Fri, 18 Nov 2005 14:46:23 GMT

There was this whole thread on the WoW forums about Chuck Norris.. it was hillarious..

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't !&$% with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and $!@% on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".