|
iM_aFoX_iN_a_BoX
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Country: United States
State: Maryland
Birthday: 8/31/1984
Gender: Female
Interests: anime, j-rock, yaoi, anything japanese pretty much, writing, reading, collecting manga and doujinshi, etc...
Expertise: I'm an Asian Studies major/Creative Writing minor at Towson University.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
12/11/2003
|
|
| so... somehow, my journal got updated to a paid account and i wasn't the one who did it. very strange i must say. i don't really have much i feel like sharing at this point. i feel like my heart stopped though when i read that shida might be moving to florida. god, i hope she isn't. i... i don't know what i would do if that happens. i guess i'll just wait and see if that happens. i... i just don't know at this point.... | | |
| Yeah, so I got an email today from a fan... wow... they are getting restless over this one fic I did years ago. I thought it was really sweet though that the girl emailed me asking me to finish so I decided that I will finish just for her because she's the only fan that asked me instead of bitched at me. See, people don't understand that writer's have live's too. I mean sure, I've slacked off for the past three years on it but still, I'm in college, I have a job, I'm busy dammit. I mean, the nice emails I respond to but when someone is like:
"what the hell??? THAT ENDING WAS SOOOOOOO NOT COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! *pouts* how completely unfair... *sigh* GET ON WITH THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!! ^_- "
"I do believe I've come back to this same exact story 5 times within the last 6 MONTHS and you still haven't updated. I'm getting frustrated here! and you don't want to see me frustrated. Just as any male who's been in my presence for these last few days. There terrified. Alls I gots to says is HURRY UP WITH THE DURN' STORY ALREADY!"
"that was such a mean cliffie! now you better update soon or i'll send my pack of wolves on you! *various growling and howling sounds in the backround* i love this fic and i really really really really hope you update really really really really really soon! ja ne... remember... wolves! --02Angel-- "
These kinds of reviews definately don't make me feel like updating. I mean, I'm happy that you're reviewing but I'm a lazy person and bitching at me doesn't make me feel like doing anything. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm extremely happy that people review and like my stuff but I certainly am not impressed with this fic anymore seeing that I wrote it three years ago when I was 16 and now I'm much more mature in my writing style. I just don't feel like having to go through and re-write the whole thing because I want it to sound right. I hate having a bunch of shitty chapters that are written the same then have one that is obviously much better sounding. Gahh!! I hate my perfectionism!!! So annoying!! Anyways though, I'm hungry and Justin supposed to be visiting me today so I should get food and se if my shirt is done in the dryer. Mmm... getting fucked up today. I know I shouldn't be happy about it (Remember kids, drugs are bad! ^_^) but damn if it hasn't been awhile since I was blasted out of my head. Hopefully I won't be too fucked up later 'cause I wanna watch some more Get Backers. w00t!! Ban-chan to Ginji-kun ga daisuki desu!!! Anywhoo, later ppl's ^_^V | | |
| I don't know why, but that fucking hurt. Randy's such a goddamn dick. I can't stand him anymore. I mean, he tells me he misses me and then is like, yeah I'm buying a present for my semi-girlfriend for her birthday. That's it. I'm done with him. I really mean it this time. From now on, he's the guy that I tell stories about. He's the asshole boyfriend from last year. So why... why does it still hurt so much when I see him. ::shakes head:: I just want all these feelings for him to go the fuck away. We live in two very different worlds. Me in my gothic-outcast world of punks and nerds for friends and him in his "cars are life" preppy, pompous world. The only things that really brough us together were: Initial D, Castlevania SOTN, Pepsi Blue, and 4 hour talks in the lobby of Scarborough at 3am last year. I'm reminded of a few lines from one of my favorite books by Poppy Z. Brite.
"Once in a while you happen purely at random upon the right password in a million, the unguessable code sequence, the needle in a program's haystack. Once in a while, you just get lucky."
~ Drawing Blood pg.162
I just remember that night I first really talked to him. Everything just seemed to fall into place. We would stay up every night just talking about everything and it all just seemed so right to me. If I could go back in time and change it all, I would do everything so much smarter, better, and complain about everything so much less. I love Mike to death, but he's just comfort for me right now. I miss Randy, even through all the crap he and I went through and how completely diferent we are from one another... I miss him. And I guess that's why it hurts so much. So I know I was lying when I said I hated him and it's all over. 'Cause I know it's not. I'm still going to try to be friends with him. It's just going to be a lot of work and really difficult to keep my feelings in check around him. I want to atleast have what company from him that I can. Gah... I need to grow up... | | |
| I swear, I have the weirdest dreams ever. I just dreamt about searching for X-Men porn involving Rogue, getting in three seperate accidents with my car (which I will go into in a minute) and Bobby and I sword fighting and the him telling me that Randy is an idiot and him wanting me back. The whole dream was one long chaotic thing that kept bouncing back and forth between fears and wishes. I really have vivid dreams. The one car accident thing was really weird. I was just driving home and this guy had had an accident with a pillow truck and there were pillows everywhere all over the road. I for some reason accelerated at them and hit this bouncy mat thing that was hidden under the pillows and my car went flying. I don't know if it was the window or the windshield, but I was ejected from the car and sent flying into the bouncy mat thing then bounced along the groud for a little bit and landed in front of all these reporters. I looked around and I was the only one that this happened to. It sucked though 'cause I turned around to find my car and it apparently had been totalled. Shit doesn't make sense in my dreams sometimes. ::shakes head:: I think Randy is going to want to have that talk today. I think, knowing my luck though it'll be tomorrow when I'm not in the mood for it. Frankly, I just want it to be over with at this point. I don't know what is going to happen or be said but it's making me nervous and I just want the feeling to end. Ugh, my mind is still all foggy from sleep. Ooh, one thing I do have to report about that made me very happy with myself, is that I drove Shida and I both down to DC and got us back all in one piece. It was a bit nerve wracking but I think I did an okay job. I just don't want to repeat it anytime soon. That place makes me crazy. Too many 2nd generations runnign around and too many fucking stoplights and crazy intersections. For a (somewhat) new driver it was very enlightening to my driving skillz (yes, i know the "z" is there) and to my comfort level with driving. After getting lost for an hour and a half on the way down there in DC, I feel that Towson and other cities don't scare me nearly as much as they did two days ago. I mean, I get kinda nervous still but I'm feeling about 10 times better than I did before. My highway skills are better too I think. Well, I think that's about it for this post. I'm tired of babbling on. I'll catch ya'll later. Ja ne! ^_^V | | |
| Well, seeing that it lost the first post I just entered this one will prolly be shittier and less informative on my life's update but whatever, nothing I can do about it now. I just talked to Randy. He said he wants to talk to me sometime this weekend. I'm both anticipating and dreading this talk. One one hand, I'm going to see him and discuss our feelings for one another. On the other, I'm going to see him and discuss our feelings. He said the talk was neither good nor bad. I better do laundry. I'm nervous I think. It's hard to decide my true feelings on the matter. I mean, I'm dating Mike who is this wonderful, perfect, everything I've always wanted boyfriend. And then... there's Randy, whom I loved so much and have been pining away for ever since we broke up in July. I miss everything about him. His touch, his smell, his voice, his laugh. God, I missed him so much... but I have a boyfriend now. Who loves me. Who takes perfect care of me. I want to feel bad about missing Randy still, but seeing that I'm pretty heartless on certain matters, I just can't. The only explanation I can ever give people when they ask why I still want him is "It's Randy". Why do I want someone back who never really made me feel special? Why do I want someone so much when all they did was compare me to their ex'es and make me feel self-conscious? It's Randy... that's all I can really say on the matter. I would do anything for him because it's him. I just hope this talk goes well with him. I don't know what I'm going to say or how I'm going to feel when I see him but I agree with him that we do need to have a talk about things. Maybe we could just hang out a few times as friends over winter break and see if there is even the possibility of a working relationship. Over this past semester, we've lost a lot of contact and I feel that I don't really know him anymore. But truthfully, he doesn't know me either so perhaps the feeling is mutual. I just hope things go well between us. ::shakes head:: I'm done babbling for the moment. I wish my last post had been saved but oh well. It wasn't that interesting anyways (totally lying right now, lol). Later ppl's ^_^ | | |
|
