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Aww shit, son. I'm getting deployed to Iraq in a couple weeks (!). I'll be out there for 15 hellacious months. It's gonna be fan-fucking-tastic. Playing Army just keeps getting better and better.
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I'd make more of an effort, but god damn, it just doesn't seem worth it.
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I am on leave right now and it's absolutely wonderful. Not having to wake up early or exercise or work is divine. I've been gone for 10 days, and I've gained almost 10 pounds. I had almost forgotten what the sedentary life was like. This is so reminiscent of my post-college-dropout days. Except I wasn't fat, then... which is strange since I did even LESS then than I do now.
Ah, fuck. I don't even know why I started typing this blog entry. I thought I had a momentary window of inspiration, but I was fooled.
I wish I could be a ninja. If the Army had ninjas... like REAL ninja-training and it was my job, my MOS, to be a ninja, then I would totally stay in. I'd always be motivated to do PT and stay physically fit because even if it sucked, it would be worth it because I'd always know that I'm a full-fledged ninja, motherfuckers, and I could do cool shit like disappear after dropping a smoke pellet and scale houses with little effort and move through the forest without making a fucking sound. And I could wear black all the time and NOT be considered goth (because we all know how much I hate the goths). And shit, think of all the cool weapons I could master. Not these dumb rifles and grenades that I deploy now. I can't kill a motherfucker in silence with a grenade! I need some blades, man! Some fierce, stealthy blades.
Okay, I got a little carried away. But yeah, I'd be a hot ninja, too. Mostly because I have crazy wizard fingers.
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My life, as of the date above:
I have a pounding headache. I am going to watch "300" in a few hours with a bunch of people I dislike. I wasn't around for three attempts UPS made to make a delivery from Best Buy. Now I have to drive half-way across the island to pick it up myself. This laptop is slow and I only bought it two months ago. My apartment needs a severe cleaning. I just paid $136 to have the battery replaced in my friend's car. I was also informed that I'd have to pay extra money for his car to pass the safety inspection due to all the aftermarket engine-turbocharger-exhaust-pipe bullshit crap he added to it. He'd better pay me back when he returns from Kuwait, damn it. I want to buy "Kamikaze Girls" and add it to my DVD collection, but I can't find that bitch anywhere! Also, "Over The Hedge." I really hate the way my hair looks and I just want to chop it all off, but I'm afraid I'll look like a dude since I already have rather manly features. For once, I just want to finish reading a goddamn book without being interrupted! I have 11 days to read 947 pages of my NREMT textbook otherwise I will fail my recertification exam and lose my MOS. It is really windy outside and I can hear it whistling through the cracks around my window pane. I am having troubles deciding whether or not I should re-enlist in the Army. I just want to go to sleep right now, but I can't. I wish I had more time to send packages to people.
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I am such a loner, but I lurve it. That fact, by far, is about the only thing I can truly say I like about myself at _all_ times, day or night, through all seasons, 'til the end of time. I genuinely love spending time by myself. I mean, don't get me wrong, hanging out with people I actually like is wonderful, too... but being by myself and doing what I want to do without having to deal with how it looks, or who it hurts, or anything of the sort is a gazillion times better.
Why is it that this Xanga blog seems so much more real to me than my blog on MySpace?
This weekend went by entirely too fast. It's so goddamn depressing.
I really wish I could go back to being unemployed and having my parents pay for everything while I was supposed to be in school. I think I got used to that sort of no-hassle lifestyle. No job, no school, no bills, nothing. I was the epitome of a bum, sans the dirtiness and defecating on myself. And for all the spoiled rotten-ness it gave me, I'm glad I got to experience it. I most surely will never experience it again, short of becoming a true bum, by definition, when I finally get out of the Army and am unable to find a job in the civilian world.
I have so much stuff on my mind all the time. And it isn't even stuff of high caliber or importance. I don't think about politics or religion or social injustice or anything. All I think about is, "how the hell am I gonna make it through today without cracking up and killing somebody?" and all the numerous variables surrounding that. I'm so selfish and ignorant, it makes me sick.
I watched Kamikaze Girls today. That was a good movie. I don't really identify with it since I will never know that sort of deep feminine friendship with anyone, but it was still entertaining, nonetheless. If you haven't yet seen it, I suggest you do so. Oh, and Anna Tsuchiya is a sexy half-Russian, half-Japanese bitch. I want to have her babies.
These blog entries are so random. They have no point. They neither speak of my day nor of the deep inner workings of my mind (if I had any). They're just brain farts and diarrhea. Stinky crap spewing forth from my gray matter in short, incomprehensible bursts. Terrible.
Good night, fools.
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