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ah i hated this weekend

i went to a wedding and I didn do my fast on my trip home last week so i am a fat ass still!!  Thats it! Iv had it im fasting today....i started at 10 30 this morning cause my mom was eating breakfast and i couldn't avoid it but yea im not eating untill i don't know hopefully thrsday.  Today im starting the gym again thank good i swear i need to lose this weight.  I feel like the laxitives arent working anymore... can u belive that im now taking 27 almost every day 27 laxetives a day and not feeling it im fucked.  I try not to use them every day but its impossible i need them i feel like a fat ass without them.  I have recently started cutting myself more and more like yesterday and it felt good i IM a fuCKEd child now ...but i don't care i need to punish myself.  for beeing ugly and a loser and weak and a fat ass.  I have deleted my face book and my space and all my photos off line i am going to start forgeting the past i am now a new born person i will push ppl out of my life if they get in my way of beeing skinny iv had it if they try to make me eat i will not talk to them i cant take this shit anymore.

anyways im sooo upset cause i bought diet snapple iced tea here...in canada and its different different ingredients so im so upset cause its 15 cals!!!!!! for the fucken diet snapple wtf is that!!!!

but yea im only drinking snapple from now till thursday and cristal light. I am not doing more than 300 cals off these beverages.  I hate this .....

I will not fail! Im not a failure and no one will fuck this up for me anymore!

Hmmm (i want legs this thin)

So tuesday morning liku u guys saw was great...but then something happpen....me and my bf had a evening in and we ate...and I had no choice cause he was beeing so sweet and yea sooo that messed up everything i  was at 134 yesterday and then yesterday evening we went to our friends house and I feel like she knows or something I swaer it freaks me out shes like eat, eat more and more and Im like wtf just cause ur a skinny stick and can eat what u want does not mean I can so anyways I ate there two so it sucks I was on such a role.  I weighed myself just now and I am just not even gonna go there.  I will let u guys know at the end of today.   So im very upset but I think I can still get back to 132 nad lower i just need to focus.  Today is my last day in NJ and Im going home which sucks cause well im gonna miss my bf so much.  But thank good cause now its going to be easier not to eat.  So today i am fasting as in not eating anything and drinking very little.  And tomorro I get on the bus to canada at  5 40 in the morning and its a 12 hr bus ride so i won't eat then.  When i get home ill bull shit something that I ate on the bus and then sat....im going to a wedding but hopefully I will survive that emottionally. 

Anyways Im off to finish packing then im going to go biking to the store for some laxitives so hopefully I burn some cals on that and I guess I have to workout today cause Im desgusted with myself.  And the worst thing was that when i was at 132 I actually started to feel my hip bones i want then sticking out soo bad.  Like when i looked in the mirror they weren't there YET but I could defenatly feel them. 

Anyways pliz wish me luck this is a hard time for me I need all the support I can get. 

Here are some thinspos to keep all of us motivated.

 this is an amazing picture

OK!

so i dono whats happening but i love it im down to 132!!!

I can't even remember the last time I saw that number.  Is so crazy cause yesterday I was 134 and Im like ok thats it if i weigh 133 tomorro im gonna pig out and just take a break but then 132!! I don't even know what to saY! it would be a shame to eat now! A shame I say so im not gonna however i do feel really dizzy I love it and I was soooo active yesterday iw as cleaning all day and then went biking and tanning with my friend so i know I lost a tone of cals plus i didn't eattill the evening....she made me eat pizza but i can home threw it up and was all good.  Today i have to finish clenaing which takes a lot of energy im going home to canada soon so i want my bf to have a clean house so im doing everything from the dust off the baseboards to scrubbing the floors and we don't have a mop so i really have to work hard on my knees and washing windows vaccuming dusting everything so i know stoday I will lose a tone of calls.  Not to mention later we have to go to the store and I have to do some garding tomorro so im soo excited cause although food does cross my mind i don't want it! lol anyways I will add more later I must finish cleaning! by eveyone!!

HI Everybody!

Hope you are all feeling well.  And if you aren't then I hope this week will motivate u to start nice and fresh and thin!

Anyways as for me I did very well today but Ionly lost .5 pounds.  Well that was after I ate tho so I hope its more than that tomorro.  I went to manhattan with my boyfriend today he had to work from 7 so i was just chilling from 7-4 it was sorta boaring butttt i was walking around allll the time so i know just know I burned a tone of cals.   I din't even drink a lot cause I wasn't thirsty and yea its exciting!!

Tomorrow I am cleaning alll day so i know beeing occupied plus doing all that work will make me lose more.  As for the bestes thing to happen to me today! well we were driving in the car home and my bf said i lost weight! OMG OMG YOU CAN TELL that excites me although i don't see it if he does im happy he said my stomach is smaller and my legs and my face! yay!!

but I still have 14 pounds to go till my goal... but i think i want to change it anyways to a lot less than what i wanteed.  but once I reach that goal then I will make a new one I decided its easier to stick to the diet and challeng and fasting when u have smaller goals so my goal for tomorro is another two pounds and 8 pounds by the end of the week.  Not including tomorro

anyways i gotta go to bed so i can get up and clean hehe i can't belive im excited to want to clean

here are some thinspos for motivation.  they have amazing bodies!

Hey Everyone!

So yesterday was a good day?? I dono I did a lot of excersize well actually I did biking about 45 minutes at like the hottest part of the day so Im sure I burned a tone of cals then.  I went to my friends house and chilled there and didn't eat anything till like 6 30 I was so proud I only had 3 glasses of juice well actually 2 and one snapple in the morning and I was feeling so good but then she forced me to eat and my bf came and stuff and I had to so i did but it wasn't a lot and so when I came home i threw it up anyways and last night I weighed 137. 5 so i was sorta happy but mad mad cause I was 1 36 in the morning but I was happy cause at least I wasn't at like 139 or something I still need to be strong today and defenatly cut down on my snapple and christal light cause I want 132 by tomorro. I haven't weighed myself today but i hope to be at leat 134.5

anywayssss yea hear are some thinspos

some of my frave ladies