| | I woke up this morning. Late. Around 11:20. I
guess considering I turned in around 6 a.m. it's not all that bad
to sleep in like that. Still makes me feel like a bum.
Listened to The Beatles as I ran this morning. I love the
feeling of not being rushed. Not having an agenda for the
day. Taking time to look around and breathe. I think I can
see better when the air is crisp.
Yesterday Carolyn and I went for a picture drive. Spent 3 hours
driving to Santa Anna looking for sights. Stopping along the
road. Climbing fences. Jumping into ditches. Laying
in the dirt. Getting cactus in our hands. Zooming,
focusing. Picturing. She brought wings that strap on to her
back. With her fair skin, light green eyes, and dark hair she was
a faery. At one point we were walking along the highway. Me
with my camera. Carolyn wearing her wings, walking
ordinary. Cars zooming by. I can only hope we may have
provided interesting dinner conversation for the people who saw
us.
I was re-watching Closer the other night, and one thing Natalie Portman
says, I can't quite get out of my head. It was the part where she
and Jude Law go to the exhibit of Anna's portraits of strangers.
Natalie is looking at the picture of herself crying and Clive Owen
askes if she likes it. Se says "No." He goes on to say "So,
what do you think?" Referring to the whole exhibition. She
says, "It's a lie. It's a bunch of sad strangers photographed
beautifully... and all of the glittering assholes who appreciate
art say its beautiful 'cause that's what they want to see.
But the people in the photos are sad... and alone, but the pictures
make the world seem beautiful so the exhibition's reassuring...which
makes it a lie, and everyone loves a big fat liar."
Whoa. After that scene I felt like one of the "glittering
assholes." I go looking for this thing I call "beauty".
Normally I find it in crevasses of places that used to be alive,
now dilapidated. Places that used to be someone's source for
life, now time has transformed them into tatterted shacks, or rusted
walls. Alleys stained with the years that have passed.
Abandoned brothels. A place where countless women lost their
dignity. Men came like animals and took their fill. I go to
these places, and if the light hits it just right I say it is
beautiful. Sometimes I sit and let the heaviness of the
place sink in. Then I rise, push a button, and leave the place
holding beauty in my hand.
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| | Posted 10/13/2006 5:56 PM - 2 comments
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