| | I think I was in the dark room too long today. I came out feeling
inexplicably dreary about life. I suddenly didn't want to be
around anyone. I was tired of this ever so moving life. I
wanted to be still. My room is absent of a healthy natural light
because it faces an alley and never gets direct sunlight. I'm
always walking around in a middle gray. I forced myself to go to
dinner where I ended up socializing. On my way there I
suddenly felt that I was someone's
grandma. I could imagine my granny walking around in her 20s,
feeling
prime, having no idea about her life to come. Her children, her
husband, her house on Star Route, her lincoln, me, the magnolia trees,
her sickness. It was like one of those fast motion sequences in a
movie where they flash someone's whole life. If I last as long as
my
granny I have two more of the life I've already lived. I felt
those
years today walking down the side walk. Surreal. I hardly
relayed the intensity of the feeling.
Earlier this afternoon we went to Oak Ridge retirement home to
sing/draw portraits of the residents. Kim and Shawna got to draw,
I was the musician for the day. I slide around on my guitar, then
switch to the mandolin. Sometimes I catch the older folks
mouthing the words. I've been playing the same songs for so long,
I haven't had to think about where to put my fingers for years.
Today I accidentally looked down at my fingers during "Under the
Doubled Eagle" and I fumbled. I have to disconnect my brain and
play from habit in order do it right. Strange, really. But
it gives me an opportunity to watch the people. I can't help but
imagine what they used to be. They all seem to droop. Makes
me feel heavy.
|
| | Posted 10/21/2006 11:00 PM - 1 comments
- recommend
  - recs0
- give stars
- votes0
- email
 - sent0
|
