| I hate how accurate the cliche of high school really is. |
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| Dude. I miss xanga sort of. ha. |
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| No one reads these suckers anymore, and I'm thinkin' that's an on-the-verge-of-being-good-thing.
I hate people my age...in general. I hate this habbit I have of always ending up in this same negative, overlydramatic state of mind. I hate not really having anyone to talk to about all this. I hate teenagers and their obnoxious, selfish, oblivious, meaningless, stupid, sex-driven way of life a lot of them seem to have. I hate how restless I get. I hate not being able to write these things out as well as I thought I could. I hate not being able to explain my thoughts, not even to myself. I hate the fact that when I write, I get upset but I can't stop writing. I hate boys and the fact that I don't ever do well with them. I hate how quickly time is going now that I'm getting older. I hate getting older, but I'm beginning to not mind growing up (only beginning to). I hate change, at least for the most part. I hate how little will power I have. I hate how sensitive I am. I hate how dramatic I can be. I hate how hard it was/is to end my last relationship, even though it was killing me and still is in some ways. I hate how down I get on myself, but I also hate how I don't discipline myself enough. I hate not being able to write what I want to write. I hate how serious I am...but I'm not really serious around other people. I hate how much I reminisce. I hate how no one really is fully aware of any/most of this. Mostly, I hate how stupid all this sounds.
as;ldfkj the end. |
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My hair has always been really blonde. It's hard to find a food that I don't like. When we're emotional/sick/upset/whatever, my mom gets us Coca-Cola. I'm allergic to cats and wish I wasn't. I love teeeaaa and cofffeeeee. For some reason I really enjoy big huge fictional books that involve vampires. I betcha my music taste is one of the widest you've ever seen. I really wish I was doing marching band next year. I'm unbelievably indecisive. I love to write...anything. Just to write. I think I like to write because it's a more accurate way of getting some things that are going on in my head out. This year I feel like I've grown more than ever. It's not like I'm stating a fact, it can't be compared to changing in appearance or anything obvious--It's a gut feeling. At first I had my doubts, but everyone was right: Freshman year at West really is the best of the three. Piano. My sisters are basically amazing, but they're extremely stubborn...like me? I think I'm a decent judge of character, but I still misjudge people all the time. I'm observant-ish. I really really like dark chocolate and shrimp (not together, dur). I think I might cry tomorrow or at formal or recognition or something. I have always had trouble dealing with any sort of change. I don't do well with relationships...as in the boyfriend girlfriend thing. I guess I'm just not into that sort of thing at this point in my life...it's not worth it to obsessive over. This year, I've laughed harder and longer and more than I have probably in the last two years combined. I love my teachers. I actually really like school. I love West. My 3A and 3B class is basically amazing and the coolest class I've ever ever ever had. I've made a lot of unexpected relationships this year, and they're ones that I hope only continue to build. Sometimes when I'm complimented about something I'm extremely insecure about, I come close to crying. It's weird, and I don't like it. I've been motivated this year. I want to do something with my life. It's corny I know...but I want to "make a difference." I reminisce a whoollee lot, I miss a lot of things, and in some ways I'm so not right for high school, college, the whole shabang. But at the same time, I'm just so frickin' anxious to get out there and do something, anything. I'm itching to be independant, to fulfill any potential I have, to "make a difference."
Dang that's long, and I went into way too much detail near the end there. |
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| Things are busy again. I feel like I'm eating, drinking, breathing, living chorale. buuh. But it's good. Yay for Spring Show.
My online journal addiction is finally coming to a close, so that's a plus.
Things have been surprisingly good lately.
hahah
The end. |
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