MY MUSZIIK

OmG. i can't take this fucking stupid ass world anymore. Im so tired of everyone knowing whats going on in "my" life. When it is none of there business. Leave me the fuck alone. And god Shawn...yeaah, he asked me back out. Then everything was cool. But then some shit happened, which i won't mention. But to the people that know, i know everything is gonna be all right. Even though things seem bad right now, and trust me i know they do. But anyways im pissed right now, so i'll say whats on my mind. So yeah me and Shawn going back out evrything being all right...chheeyyaa. So me& Shawn go over to his Cousin Pookie's house right. When we were there this guy i know named P" shows up, right. And i looked at him, because at first i didn't recognize him. But then later on i keep looking and realize who he is, while Shawn thinks im checkin P" out. And the whole time i was there Shawn was with his cousin. So i got pissed. And i wanted to go take a shower. So i was even more pissed because i was hella far from home. But anyways, the next day me and Shawn were "walking home" in the fucking hot blazing sun, when all the sudden he says, "why are you all ways acting shady?" i was like, what the fuck. He was trippin' on me. And i know this doesn't sound like a big deal, but if you knew what happened earlier that week, Shit...you don't even know. But then we were at the point where he has to take his turn to go home, (by "A's") house. Yeah and he was like, Bye im going home. Then he walked off. I had to walk hella far, by myself, and in the hot sun. I was pissed. And i haven't talked to Shawn since. But i think that i need to. I still Love him but we need a break, i think. 2 more years of Probation, and he's gone for good. here's a quote to think about that some one told me. "Be Good, Or Be Good At It." think about it. Shawn told it to me. Now i know what it means. Oh, yeah my birthday was yesterday.... Yeah for me...not like it matters.

Omg i think im gonna cry, i finally got to talk to Shawn...He got out of jail yesterday,&i called to talk to Ashley and, He answered. I never felt so happy in my entire life! if you knew how i felt...God im so overjoyed with love for him. I truly think he is the one. I don't care if he is twenty two, and i don't care what those hating people say. Hahaha. He told me about this gay guy in jail that liked him, hahaha. Thats sick, hope he didnt "drop the soap" But he said he is not smoking or drinking anymore...i told him that is good. I told him i want to quit sometime soon. That was stupid to say, but i wan't to try, anything for him. Everday he was gone all i could think about was him.... And still everday that i am not with him i think of him, Evertime i hear Celly Cel-"It's Goin' Down Tonight" i think of all the memories we had together just chillin with the homies drinking&smoking and just having a good time. But times like that are over. Then when i was at home i was just kickin' it with my brother drinking yah know just chillin, but then he turned on Celly Cel...& i started to cry. He asked me whats wrong? then he saw my tattoo on my hand which say's "I <3 S.W" i left the room & wen't to sleep, he called up all my friends and asked them if they knew what was wrong with me, they didn't know, because know one knows. Only one person, Which is Shawn I tried to tell him today that i was sorry for the thing that i said to him that day that i lat saw him before he...wen't to jail. I don't care what he does, i will all ways love him for who he is. And hopefully he is the same way with me. I talked to him today this morning, he told me to stay good. I will, Only for him. I still cry, he is still leaving back to school. I don't want him to leave, if i was miserable with out him for just that month. Then i think i might die when he is gone for a couple years. What if he is different when he comes back. I don't want things to change. Especially him. I wonder if he still loves me...