wellllllll...it loooks like i havnt been writing in here for a long tyme haha Nessa sed so! well i guess life has been gewd..im werkin 2 jobs now both subway and knotts praying i get hired at subway!!!!!! geezuhz well thats it fo now im owts for now..peas

J*meeh

::mood::certainty

june 17th, tuesday, d day we got back 2gether.  it was anne's graduation party.  actually after da party cus i "accidetally" redialed his number haha...n daz how we got to da "TALKING."  ne wais...i kinda wanted to straighten things out wit him too.   cus dat sunday omigosh!  juss cant believe how much tears i cried.  ~i cried a river~ lolz it was all bout dis dream.  i aint even gon talk bout it.  its confusin...but to get to da whole point, it made me cry cus sumone or sumthin ended up takin him away from me.  so yea @ da end we got seperated.  dat got to me n daz all i thought of da whole day.  so eniweas, he came tah anne's party n we talked.  it was weird cus we were doin da same thing.  i was dating n he was dating too.  we talked bout wat happen to da both of us while we were dating other ppl.  i  guess its not da same so i dunt reallie knoe.  i guess dis was meant to happen.  but 2 top dis all off, i learned my lesson.  n dat is i dunt realize wat i have til i lose it.  which sux alot cus it coulda been TOO LATE.  but here we are...back n NEVER letting go.  we trust each other more dis time cus before i didnt trust him...esp. cus i have dis thing wit dis guy i hafta work wit.  im kinda juss using him as my ride to my work.  n he's using dis other person for other stuff ionooez.. but uhh WE BOTH knoe we trust each other wit other ppl...i guess we're in love..>> haha dat dunt sound lyke me sayin dat but i guess its true.  daz all i gotsa say.  if ever ur gon be readin dis...juss knoe dat i love you wit all my heart AWWW...     

::mood:: watever

Sick to all the pain 
Hurt to all the lies
He won't do it again 
He wont hear me cry

Getting use to the pain
Use to all the lies 
Would never happen again 
Cuz sumone else loves me n aint gon make me cry 

2day june 14, 2003 our 5th month n da day dat i mark for us to b "officially broken up"  i kno we aint ever gon y talk.  juss wish d both ov us da best ov luck on finding our partners for da future.  i mean i didnt regret errvrything dat happened...well maybe sum buh yea i was thankful foe da good n bad things dat came our way.  it taught me a lesson dat i shouldnt rush into things cus dere's a long time foe meeh.  im still young n dere's still alot more things i hafta 2 do in mah lyfe.  buh uhh juss kno dat i aint mad or ne thin hope ur not mad either foe wat i did.  i juss hope we still r frens but i knoe daz gon b hard.  so daz it.  i guess ill juss hafta 2 end dis wit mah final GOODbye.   

>>> u can close ur eyes to realities

                      but u cant on the memories<<<<

::mood:: so bored

on a friday nyte for once i didnt go out.  wellah, actually i did! i went 2 da mall n bought shirts.  i regret not buying dat tyte jacket i saw @ sillouhette daym! how do u spell dat word!?  im so dumb.  dis summer i gotz priorities.  i need tah gets meeh a job 2 get occupied n 2 help mah mom.  shoot! im tired ov stayin home. naww actually i hardly stay home.  i went alot since da last 2 weeks.  it was hella fun.  dere was dis tyme wen i went home @ 5:00 haha i got in so much trouble.  but ish all gud i dunt care if i get in trouble.  juss watch wen i get mah license.

mood::remorst::

i feel soo shitty!  daym so many shit happened dis week.  i reallie dunnoe whu i wanna b wit.  i knoe "1st" lvs meeh but dang ish too much.. cant even go 2 parties he alwais wanna b wit meeh.  meeh n "2nd" danced n i felt sumthin when he was singing.  lolz it was funnee.  i wanna go out wit sum1 lyke dat buh i knoe he juss thinks ov meeh as a fren after all wha happen.  last week, i kissed "3rd" n i didnt fel ne thin cus i was playin around.  buh dis week we went out n we kissed agen.  he told meeh it feels gud n juss lookin @ mah face makes him happee.  n sumthin bout his eyes.  juss wen i look @ dem, i feel different.  dens "4rth" im nit reallile feelin him.  i juss go out wit him as frens cus he's funnee and acts lykah DORK.  i knoe i wont go wit him buh wha if he wants more.  if ne one happens tah read dis, i used numbers cus i dunt wanna say names cus i knoe @ skewl ,  err-body gon knoe n dey gon start sayin shiet too.  especially wen dis ne nosy person reads dis 2nyte!  i hate pl whu gossips n ppl u cant trust.  o.l. karama gon get HIM soon!  ne wais, i think i juss prefer bein single.  n i feel guilty too cus i cheated on "1st".  i knoe hes not hurt he dunt givah fuck bout wha i do.  i juss dunt knoe wut he's tryin tah do.. ive been wanted 2 break it off.  buh he said he still luvs meeh w/c is a lie.  i juss hope i find mahself soon in all dese cus im reallie confused.  well 2 day he gon cheat on meeh cus we agreed to be even.  omg! n imma be out 2day agen n might cheat for d 4rth time!! god dang i hate mahself 4doin dese shiet. n da thing i hate ish dat i drank n did dis otha shtuff!  i knoe i didnt do it cus i was stressed.  ionoes y i did it.  ish cus errvryone was doin it n part ov meeh wanted to try it too.  w/c made meeh feel lyke imma throw up. eww i knoe im  nevah gon smoke.