illicit_rhythm's Xanga

new beginnings

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 20:34:46 GMT

i'm the queen of new beginnings.

i feel as if i were a robot
taken apart piece by piece.
just to be reconstructed blindly.

i look to my left and there
is my nose adhered to my ankle
my fingers tickle the floor as i walk foward.
bandaged gauze hold together glued places for support.

what i would give to be rearranged back to how things were
but not until i travel for a bit
in this uncomfortable yet exciting
new being I've become.

ashes and wine

Sat, 19 Jan 2008 00:52:04 GMT

Don't know if our fate's already sealed
this day's spinning surface on a wheel.
I'm ill with the thought of your kiss
coffee laced intoxicating on your lips

Cut it out, I've got no claim on you now.
Not allowed to wear your freedom down.

I'll tear myself away, that is what you need.
There is nothing left to say
but

Is there a chance?
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may change your mind?

Or are we ashes and wine?
the day's still ashes and wine,
or are we ashes.

broken hearted.

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 11:02:49 GMT

twenty three and still falling face flat into love.
i can't even remember when the walls started to close in,

all i know is that all i can do is
to pick up those broken pieces that i wished were still whole.

i envisioned a life-long contract
but just missed where the co-signers line was left blank.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 14:33:33 GMT

I can't remember what it was like to write here every single day, constantly updating and hiding things i've come across and out-grown. It's funny to think we say and hear things and some of that insight will stay with us while the others will elude back to the puddle of nonexistence.

It's only natural to write about what we know.
In the end, I'm just a strange, quirky girl who ranks the importance of things in an unorganized fashion.
I rate everything with my heart.

Yes, I know I'm not right all the time,
but I like to think that I am.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Sat, 10 Dec 2005 18:56:32 GMT

there is an intense conversation between me and the blank screen in front of me...
thoughts have entered and are hesitant to be carelessly engraved.
through the sinuous paths in this endless twenty one year journey of my life, i have found myself to be a mold i've fathomed from the beginning.
with each year, the cast had been remolded and is infinitely under reconstruction.

i am truly an artist.
i've come to terms that i would rather live in a world with no responsibilities.
a world where today the walls that enclose my room would be blue
and the next day it would be red, for blue was no longer the color i was feeling.
my studio is incredibly random. i get excited with every new idea, then before i see it through, i move onto another one.
nothing is ever complete, but there are those rare times that i will get interested in the same thing again and it would come further along than any of the other preliminary ideas.

if i could have my way, i would be living in either france or san francisco (maybe new york, i'm still contemplating this city).
i'd take a walk everyday, maybe one day i'd photograph my path, or perhaps just visually record what the experience was like.
i'd buy different flowers, flowers that fit the color of the day,
and i'd paint to my heart's content to the playlist of my choice.
i live too much by feeling and in the end it screws me over.
the world is real, and these romantic notions of mine
to you are frivolous.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Wed, 31 Aug 2005 23:45:57 GMT

what happens when u're stripped.
naked in front of the judging crowd.
them, with their pointing fingers and snide remarks that creep into your head.
you close your eyes and pray that one, just one, will hold your hand and take you out from being 6 feet under.

i bluffed myself
there is no person that will cover me up and say things will be alright.
there are a million subtleties that you will never understand.
you will never understand what it's like to be trampled on, ripped apart, raped, and fed to an angry crowd.
how much you try, you'll never grasp it, because you can never understand even a ounce of anything until it's been done to you.
but what you can do is strip me of my clothes and cast the first stone.
that it about all you can do.

its not mom and dad's fault that they see things in black and white.
and its not my fault that you see greytones while i see a rainbow.
your grey matter cast a grey cloud over my rainbow
since you've stripped me of my color

i'm naked and i've fallen.
you cast all the stones.
those words that used to bring comfort now lodge in my throat

all i know is that i'm stripped of everything i've ever felt.
there's nothing left for me to feel, i'm empty and numb
no more defenses, no more things to say.
you can't erase the things that were said
all you can do is walk away.
walk away and never look back.
because i'll do the same.

my heart's never felt so black
but i'm getting used to it.
shutting the door and locking it up
until color comes knocking again.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Tue, 16 Aug 2005 23:20:55 GMT

how does a campfire at the beach while listening to guitar tunes sound?
the sand being squished between two toes.
the crashing waves are a whisper while the sky above is speckled with luminating polka dots.

they should bottle the ocean into a perfume
that can be sprayed when the city smog suffocates the throat.

i still have yet to haul my arse to the beach.

they sell water balloon sling shots at the dollar store.
last week conrad and i bought water balloons
war broke out and he began with following the codes of conduct.
while i cheated and slammed him when he was on base
realizing i shouldn't have started something that i knew would come back to me three-fold.
cheaters never prosper.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 12:57:55 GMT

shake your boooooooooooooooooootay~

thats the best high in the world.
when u're alone.
in nothing but a shirt and panties
dancing around the house...
singing on the top of ur lungs
jumping on the bed.

i adore sunday afternoons.
i have the house to myself and
i can be as crazy as i want

namsayin?

Friday, May 13, 2005

Fri, 13 May 2005 10:53:56 GMT

i'm missing america more than ever.

flavor. thats what's missing.
everything here is the same
every person is a clone of the other.
everyone dresses the same.
everyone talks the same.
everyone even walks the same.
all i'm looking for
is a hint of odd color
that gives
visual flavor.

one minute i'm full of complaints. mostly contrived from the strangest
mosquito bites...who the fuck gets bitten on their finger tip?
the next minute i forget because i'm too busy gaping mindlessly at the
abundant number of signs covering one building.

wanna know what i miss the most?
you.

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Sat, 19 Mar 2005 03:04:06 GMT

i agonize.
so we agonize.

fate wasted. dissipated.
into murky water
the waves roll thunder.
whats this blunder?
that takes over
this unsuspecting
case
of
interrogation.

words revolve in a detatched rhythm.

do i sympathize
to recognize
the birth of these jaded eyes?
or do i blind those eyes
and hide
the border
which divides
the obvious
from the obscure?