illstingya's Xanga

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 19:07:10 GMT

God has been teaching me so much recently......

it's been a rough month. lots going on in my life... God is constantly molding me and making me into what He desires for me to be.... the molding isn't always an easy thing..... most times it down right hurts. i've been confused....i've been aching at times. i have begged for understanding.....BEGGED for rest...for peace.

about a month ago i went to go see the movie "facing the giants" (i'll spare you the details about what it was about) but as i was sitting there.... God spoke to me.

"Christina, will you still love me even if I don't give you what you want in the end? Will you still love me even if you never understand this situation....will you still serve me even if it's forever gone....even if you feel as though you've lost everything? will you still love me?"

through tears of absolute certainty i was broken.... "Yes God.....i will still love you if i don't get what i want in the end....even if i never understand.....even if i lose it all.......i will still love You."

there in that theater i found my rest....... even if my human flesh rears it's ugly head every once in a while and i begin to panic... one thing is certain....... i will always love God....and i will always serve Him even if He shields my eyes from understanding.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 22:56:56 GMT

CRAZY WEEKEND!!!!! i will enlighten you with a list of highs and lows!

LOW: my boyfriend called me at 1:30 am wed. night/thurs. morning and informs me that he's in the hospital for internal bleeding (he had lost over a pint of blood) .........NOT FUN! the phone dies on us midway through the conversation and i start freaking out! i get some sleep and proceed to wake up early in the morning and venture to b-wood to see him.

HIGH: getting to the hospital and seeing that he was still alive and doing QUITE well! smiling.........cracking jokes. just seeing him made me happy!

HIGH: he got released later that afternoon and we got to hang out more! ALWAYS FUN!

LOW: i worried about his condition all weekend, down to what he ate.

HIGH: i got to see lindsey and carrie, kat p., erin, laura, danielle, APRIL! ohhhhhhhhhh it was happy times!

LOW: i didn't really get to hang out with everyone that i wanted to......i only saw tovah from afar. however, she looked DASHING in her homecoming dress!

LOW: IXA didn't participate in the parade this year........yah.....that pretty much sucked.

HIGH: i got to see the guardian with my boyfriend!!! GREAT movie!

LOW: feeling very thinned out amoungst friends. wish i could have spent more time with people.

overall i would have to say that it was a GREAT weekend! Everyone looked so wonderful! Good food, GREAT friends, AMAZING boyfriend! i love being back at HPU!

Monday, September 11, 2006

Mon, 11 Sep 2006 00:04:02 GMT

for those of you who are wondering how my interview with my church went today.......

they voted YES!!!

69 for......1 against!

if you know my church that's a BIG DEAL!

history was seriously made today.......i have a week to pray about it and give my answer.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 11:17:26 GMT

The other day I watched an interview with the lead singer from Casting Crowns, and something that he said struck me. I mean it REALLY caught my attention! He said something to this affect: The world doesnt get angry that we as Christians sin. they get angry because we pretend not to. WOW! So true!

I cant tell you how many churches I have walked into fearful of the sin that I had in my life and whether or not I would be judged by other Christians. And as I would glance around the sanctuary I would wonder just how judged and alienated non-believers feel when they walk into our services, or pass by our desks in our job places.

Theres something WRONG with that.

The last time I checked the Bible says that we are ALL sinners and have fallen short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23) We are ALL imperfect. ALL flawed, believers and non-believers alike. We mess up and we try to hide it. they mess up and we point a finger. What makes their sin so different from ours? Isnt a lie still a lie? Isnt an affair still an affair? Certainly. The only difference is that often times as Christians we teach about compassion and mercy for the sinner and yet we fail to give it! Not only do we fail to give mercy and compassion to the non-believer, but to our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ as well!

How sad that we would choose to look at others through the tainted scope of judgment rather than look at them with the loving eyes of our Lord. Its not our job to judge. its Gods. When did that EVER become our job? Sin is inevitable. Ever since the garden it has become a way of life for human beings. Theres no escaping it. But we have to realize that its all the same! ALL sin STINKS to God.

Is God not strong enough, pure enough, brave enough to break us, pour us out and start again to give us compassion and mercy while still being just? The answer is YES! And if we are called to be His hands and feet in this world. dont you think that that should be our attitudes as well? The Bible says that the world will know us by our love. not our judgment. We should remember that. The church is a hospital for the sick and dying. not for the perfect.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 01:25:49 GMT

you know....i don't get it.........i just don't get it......i've tossed it around in my brain a bit.....i've cursed........i've cried.......and i'm still right back at the same spot....the spot where i am speechless..........the spot where my heart just aches and there's nothing left to say.

i lost one of my kids tonight.

it's not like they died.....and for that i'm sooooooooo grateful! but i lost them.

i got a phone call tonight from a very angry mother who was wondering why her daughter hadn't met her curfew. the curfew was at 8:30. (which OF COURSE the daughter had failed to mention)

here's the deal........every sunday and wed. night after church our youth group goes out to eat......it's not a manditory thing by any means, just something that the kids have put together and i attend so i'm able to hang out with them a bit more.

all the kids are usually home no later than 9:00. it was 8:50 when my phone rang.

mom: is my daughter with you?

me: no maam, she left with ________ a couple of minutes ago...she was bringing her straight home.

mom: does she have her cell phone with her??

me: i'm not really sure?? (why is SHE the PARENT asking me if her child has her cell phone on her??)

mom: she was supposed to be home at 8:30!!!!

me: i'm sorry maam! she told me nothing about that! had she i would have personally had her home by that time!

mom: i think that it's RIDICULOUS that you're keeping the kids out past 8:30 on a school night!

me: The dinner after church is not a manditory thing....you may come and pick her up as soon as we get out at 7:30-7:45 if you would like.

mom: don't even worry about that, my daughter will not be attending again!!!!!

me: is this because we go out to eat afterward??? (completely puzzled and in disbelief at this point)

mom: yes!!!!! my daughter is in HIGH SCHOOL now and she doesn't have time for all of this church stuff! i just think that it's RIDICULOUS that you're keeping them out after 8:30 on a school night!!!!!

me: like i said, you are more than FREE to come and pick your child up right after we finish...i would hate for her not to be allowed to come anymore because of this!

mom: she won't be back again!!!!

me: i'm sorry that you feel that way.......

and just like that the conversation ended.........needless to say..........it has NOT been a fun night!

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 11:48:25 GMT

it happened.........they're calling me to be the full time youth minister at my church. i go before the church on sept. the 10th and give my testimony.......then later that night we'll have a question and answer time and then they will vote and duke it out after i leave.

i say duke it out because there are quite a few people in our church that we already know will vote no because i am a woman.......and then quite a few who will vote no because they don't think that our church can afford to hire someone on full time.......therefore, it's pretty much up in the air.

if they vote yes, i don't have to give an answer right away.....which is good......because there are still some things that i need to pray through.

please be in prayer for me during this time as i seek out what God would have me to do!

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 00:53:27 GMT

good gosh!!!! it's been FOREVER since i've posted! i guess it's time for that to change! here's what's been going on in my life!

took the kiddos (aka my youth group) to six flags......it was HOT! and i realized that maybe i'm not quite as young as i used to be......the walking.......the heat........the 2 hr. lines......just not as fun as it used to be, but it was still a great trip!

went to the kinser's BEAUTIFUL wedding with my boy ben and hung out with his family and friends a bit....it was a GREAT weekend!

had a couple of pool bashes once we got back and they went really well! and now the kiddos are back in school and i'm planning for the new year. (or wrapping up the fine details)

i had my first OFFICIAL interview yest. with a search committee from my church. i wore a suit and everything! it was exciting and nerve-racking all at the same time! i walked in and they were all in t-shirts, shorts and flip-flops! ha ha ha some were even sitting on the floor. it was crazy! ......but a pretty good experience overall. now i guess i'm just waiting for them to interview 4 or 5 more people and then we'll see what happens. if this is where God wants me, then He'll work out all of the details........if not......then He'll lead me some place else.

for the record......i'm a bit jealous of all of you who are returning back to school! i hope you all have a GREAT year!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 23:45:53 GMT

SIX FLAGS in T-Minus 1 day!!!!!!!!! (or 2)

the kiddos and i leave for six flags on friday! we're excited! and what's even MORE EXCITING?!?!? Lindsey and Carrie are gonna come help out as sponsors!!!!!!!!!!!! Man! it just doesn't get any better than that!

YAY!!!!!!!! i'm excited!!!!!!!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 17:41:39 GMT

i'm insecure........i worry too much.......this is me......i was raised this way....it's who i am.......but not who i want to be.

i've been learning that it's hard for me to trust God with the little things in life. i say that i trust him.....but do i really? days like today make me think that i do not. i think about things and my heart beats out of control, and i panic. it's who i am at this point.......but .... it's not who i want to be.

Proverbs 3:5-8 says, "With all your heart you must trust the Lord and not your own judgment. Always let him lead you, and he will clear the road for you to follow. Don't ever think that you are wise enough, but respect the Lord and stay away from evil. This will make you healthy and feel strong."

God forbid that i ever feel wise enough to take control of my own life....to handle my own struggles....to give into the seeds of doubt that satan has planted. i need your GOD SIZED strength in moments like these.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 11:22:30 GMT

we got back from camp on friday and it was AMAZING!!!!!! it was seriously one of the BEST camps that i have ever been to. it is so cool to see how God works all of the details out right up to the quiet times for our group matching what the speaker would say or the conversation that we would have with eachother in our church group or small group devotion time at night! it was seriously AMAZING!!!!

to work so hard on something, and then to see it all come together and be right in line with everything that was going on at the camp! it's just a cool thing....mind boggling. God is so cool like that!

this past week i learned alot about my kids....how they learn, etc. i found that they are thinkers. you have to throw an idea out there, let them ponder it for a while...and 5-10 min. later, they'll answer. but HOLY COW, when they do.......it's AMAZING! i sat there stunned at the words that were flowing from their mouths! certain nights it was incredible and they taught me through their willingness to share. walls were broken down, and even the most prideful were in tears.

it was a great week.......there are so many stories to share....but my words would simply not do the week or the experience justice.

if you want an incredible, unity builder/make your kids think game/debate/discussion time....talk to me. our group did one on our last night of camp that seriously changed my kids lives!