| I was sooo worried about him!!! He scared me so bad! I have cried myself to sleep everynight this week over him... damn him. But I love him sooo much! I don't know what to do about how I feel when he doesn't feel it back. I tried so hard to get him to talk to me about David, and he isn't the most talkative person about his problems, so he wouldn't, and I couldn't help! Now I feel guilty. What the hell is wrong with me!?!? I don't know how to take these feelings and get them under control. My feelings for him are all over the place, and I love him so much that I can't even stand to look at him. I mean I try to be a good sport about it, but it just sucks. I can't even think about this weekend, when I thought that he was going to kill himself. He has brought me to tears so many times, and I just wish that he would talk to me about what is wrong. but I can't get him to. It hurts like hell to know that I can't fix his problems, and that he won't talk to me. And the weird thing is that he won't talk to anyone, he is afraid of it. At least that is what he told me. Gawd, I love him so much, I don't know what to do...
Well, my weekend sucked. My brothers B-Day was on Sunday, and I had to take him to the mall! Grr my Mom. She got all "sick" right before we were supposed to go to the mall to see the movie, so she dropped my brother and I off, but I got the hacky sack I wanted! (My brother bought it 4 me with his B-Day money!!!) So, my Mom, she was all like I am going home, and she went to her Boyfriends house, and stayed there. Hell, when I called her to pick me up, she wouldn't, she HAD to wait 45 minutes, until the mall was about to close. Plus, for the first time in almost 7 months she went to see my grandma, and said she completely broke down. My grandpa is drinking again, and I guess everything is falling apart now that my grandpa has lung cancer. And the funny thing is that when my mom heard that my Grandpa had lung cancer, she upped how much she smokes everyday! What the hell is she thinking??? I am so confused! My family is a wreck, I mean my dad's side judges everything we do while we don't talk to my mom's side anymore! Fuck my whole gawddamned family! They all suck. The best relatives I have are people who live in FUCKING D.C!!!! I never see them! Well W/E! I guess its not my fault! Its my mom's and dad's! They suck. I haven't seen my dad for the longest time, and I mean he comes, says hi, leaves me money, and takes off before I can say goodbye! I mean, I guess he came to see me the night of the induction, but the door wasn't open! BS, there were 2 fucking doors open! I know there were, because I went to go with him to unlock them! W/E, obviously I don't mean shit to anyone anymore. G2G!
-HiLlY!!! |
