| Har har har. I found this on Lindsey's xanga. What a riot.
If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!
Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your
child may have gone astray from the Lord.
Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous
culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil,darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer,
and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:
[X] Frequently wears black clothing.
[X] Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
[ ] Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
[ ] Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include:
reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various
other Satanic worshipping symbols.
[ ] Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
[X] Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of
music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks
against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
[X] Associates with other people that dress, act or speak
eccentrically.
[X] Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such
as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
[ ] Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic,
the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
[ ] Takes drugs.
[ ] Drinks alcohol.
[ ] Is suicidal and/or depressed.
[ ] Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and
His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
[X] Complains of boredom.
[ ] Sleeps too excessively or too little.
[ ] Is excessively awake during the night.
[ ] Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to
vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)
[ ] Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
[X] Spends large amounts of time alone.
[X] Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits.)
[X] Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
[X] Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and
elders are but a few examples of this.
[ ] Misbehaves at school.
[ ] Misbehaves at home.
[ ] Eats excessively or too little.
[X] Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.
[ ] Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood.
(Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
[X] Watches cable television or any other corrupted media
sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
[X] Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
[X] Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
[X] Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
[ ] Dances to music in a provocative manner.
[ ] Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
[X] Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
[ ] Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
[ ] Claims to be a goth.
If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.
Woe is me. I'm a goth. I'm soooo gothic. What a laugh. I especially like the part about watching TV. TV is satan kiddos. It corrupts young minds. How weird that Lindsey and I had almost the same ones checked... I guess satanic individuals think alike.
And the Count Chocula thing? I mean really... can you see Count Chocula going into a room and being all : BOW BEFORE ME FOOLISH MORTALS! YOU HAVE ALL BECOME SLAVES TO MY CHOCOLATEY GOODNESS! YOUR SOULS ARE MINE! HAHAHAHA! Count chocula is like a grandpa. A grandpa that satan loves. Hahaha.
The person who wrote this was dumb.
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