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| tonight was the last night i got to see ruben, he leaves friday during the day so i'll be at school. it was normal until i had to take him home, i really tried hard, i held back my tears until we finally got to a train stop and i actually listened to the words of the songs from the going away cd he made me. those words just hit the heart and i balled, a silent cry, i couldn't see from through me tears. i couldn't look at him because i knew i would cry even more, but of course i did, and the first time in almost 2 year i saw him cry, really cry, like long tears and a quivering chin. it was hard to sit there and just look at him for the last time until november. i know you probably think i'm overreacting & that "well she'll get to see him eventually" yes i know that, its not the same talking and then being with someone, its like if someone has taken half my heart away. when we finally said everything there was to be said, we wiped out tears away and got out of the car. once i drove off i balled and the cd was the perfect music for that. it unbelievable to feel like this at 17 but my mom said this is a test and either we pass with flying colors or get a big fat F, i know this is worth it, right? yes.
other than that today was the 1st day of my senior year. I really like my classes and my teacher seem cool, some seem easy and some seem nice but hard. i guess i'll be figuring that out soon enough.
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| This is the last day, I need to wash my uniform shirts and get stuff ready. I'm not going to lie, I enjoy the whole going back to school, but after the first week or two, I'm done! ha. Actually I don't think it will be too bad I like the classes I picked, lets just hope the teachers aren't jerks. I did my paper like a week ago, I think its too long? It suppose to be an essay but mine is like 2 pages? Plus I don't think its a good way to start, my conclusion is about 3 sentences. Oh well I have Radvila, i heard she isn't bad.
The whole moving away thing is something we've talked about for the past year and it finally is here. So far I have no strong emotion towards this. Maybe it is because it hasn't happened yet? What else could it be? I'll most likely just see him once before he goes and I've got nothing in me so far. Ha I bet I'll feel completely different the moment I realize that I won't see him until Oct.
.. and until then, here we go senior year.
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| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ytjTNX9cg0
this is such a problem, its so upsetting that girls aren't happy with how they look, i clearly understand how girls feel about being skinny, but really there is no need for that. this world needs to grow up and stop being assholes, we all are not 6'3 super model and actresses. i am finally feeling fine in my skin, we should start to feel fine in our skin
edit 1.
also this whole ruben leaving, i mean don't get my wrong he means the world to me and its almost been 2 years but i'm 17 i shouldn't be setteling down ya know? i refuse to stay in a sulk around because i won't see him, screw that i'm going to be out and doing stuff, i'll miss him terribly but i still have a life. yes, yes that is my plan.
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| So I'm sick, its the whole body ache, sore throat,headaches. Yeah I thought I would be smarter than to kiss the sick boyfriend. Oh well. We have 7 days until school starts, thats crazy. In a way I don't mind, gives me something to do, plus I'm finally taking the classes I want. But I know that in a while I'll hate school. So I'm hoping that with all the college kids leaving that I get a freakin' job. JOke. I don't want to write my personal statement, I've got nothing when it comes to that. Oh senior year.
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| my mother is the most negative nonsupporting person when it comes to relationships
oh & BD is amazing
and i really can't stand my mother right now, she is being a bitch about everything, but too bad i have to suck up because these next week or so are filled with events that i want to go to. Ugh
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