Guess what today is?!??!

It's my 1 year anniversary of Xanga!
Wahoo!

And in honor of this, I made a new one - www.xanga.com/uhh_im_alicia
Of course, said in the infamous Alicia Morris Accent.
Everything is just about the same layout-wise, so don't be surprised when you get there & it looks no different.

Wow.  1 year.  I just reread every post & every comment on them.  ack!!!  i've changed so much.  matured some, but mostly... just changed.  i'm not even really sure what all about me is different.  but some of my old posts don't even sound like me.  hmm.

So many memories packed in here.

there were some things that gave me butterflies.
and some that made me sick to my stomach.
some made me laugh & some jerked at a few tears.
some were.. odd & some very insightful.
there were those inspiring ones &depressing ones.
touching ones & frustrating ones.
refreshing ones.  stale ones.
bitter moments & estatic moments.
eye-rolling moments.  heart wrenching times.
sometimes i thought i mighta been on crack??
there were some VERY fun nights.
&then some not-so-fun ones.
some random moments. &some provoked moments.
sweet comments that made me feel so much better.
angry, bitter comments, some from ppl i don't know.
poetry.
ranting.
wayyyyyyyyyyy too much complaining.
but some praising, too.
things i'll remember for all my life.
some things should have NEVER happened.

a whole lotta living.

but you know something?  i wouldn't give up any of those things for the world, good or bad.  they've helped me grow.  they've made me stronger.  they've made me Alicia Morris.  and that's exactly the person i want to be.

Currently Listening Daniel Powter By Daniel Powter see related

So, God.

I definitely believe in Him.  He's my savior.  I love Him.  I owe everything I am to Him.  &I'm definitely, absolutely, completely a Christian.  But a pretty crappy one.  I've been thinking about God lately.  He's done so much for me.  He's the reason I think, walk, breath, blink, exist.

But I hardly give Him the time of day.

I really regret that.  And I want to change that.  I want to change myself.  But it seems like everytime I try, I fail.  Maybe I can't do it.  Maybe I'm not strong enough.  Or maybe I'm just lazy.

But I'm through with it.  Through with all the lame excuses I give myself.  Through with settling for now.  I want to make God the biggest part of my life.

I'm not really sure how though.

Maybe I should find a church to go to?  Mmm... I don't go to church.  I've sorta thought that they're pointless, they're too focused on people & this world, there are too many people who aren't there for God.  So I just decided to make home my church.
But maybe I just didn't want to go.  Maybe I didn't want the commitment.  The loss of time.  Something else to fill my schedule &wake me up early on Sunday mornings.

I think I need something to keep me focused.  Something to hold me accountable.  Because I've tried getting closer to God on my own.  And it usually works.  For a while.  And then I'd skip a day cuz something else came up
And another day.
And another.
Until I'd completely forgotten the promises I'd made myself.

So, pretty much, I just suck.

Hum...  really, this is just me thinking.  I don't have anything to tell everyone.  I just want to get my thoughts out.  
>>> Perhaps you'd give your thoughts on this subject?? <<<

...

listen to this song.
 
really listen.
   
it's so beautiful in so many ways.

...

Currently Listening A Boy Named Goo By Goo Goo Dolls see related

Hmm...

I've been thinking a lot lately.  Just about.. stuff.

But then again.  I haven't been very much at all.

Why do I make no sense at all??

Basha.        I'm putting up song lyrics.

Currently Listening Ocean Avenue By Yellowcard see related

does this ever all seem so empty??

so pointless?
so... blah?

does anything you do make a difference?

if you died tomorrow, would it change people's lives?
or would anyone but your immediate family even remember after a week?
would people say "she was a wonderful girl.  i know she would have gone on to do amazing things."?
uh, no.

or if you got lukemia &lost all your hair, would tons of people come to visit you in the hospital?
maybe just your closest friends?
who are your closest friends, the ones who'd be there every day after school just to stop in &say high?
would the people you know make you a sweet little get well card &send you flowers?
or just kinda ignore it &go on like normal?
have you really changed anyone?

it all seems so... meaningless.
&shallow.

i don't want to be like that.

this kinda went in a different angle than i thought it would.  but it kinda just flowed out.

icons?  i'm thinking so. 

<<remember this?? o yea baby!

<<ehehehehe! 

*edit*

i'm walking like a great grandmother.  or a really old chicken.
my back is crippled from walking all day in my killer new shoes.
even after 3 ibuprofens.

*end edit*

errrrrrrr

st. louie was okay.

friendlessness was not okay.

you know what's a greatest feeling???

getting back late after a long trip
&jumping into your own bed
snuggly in your warm blankets
all comfy &familiar &home.

is it sad that i'm actually looking forward to school tomorrow?

happy end of spring break everyone.