| | I'm Only a Mets Fan By DefaultI had an editor for the Temple News read this site and offer me a column of my own. I've been working for school newspapers since I was in elementary school...writing semi-coherently is my only marketable skill, other than tongue tricks...so something like this is one of the few things that holds the ability to make me downright giddy. Yet still, the prissy girl side of my brain (normally reserved for comparing overpriced perfumes and talking behind people's backs) came bursting out, leaving my thought process reduced to "You're going to be the next Carrie Bradshaw!!!" Ugh. I immediately slapped this initial reaction away, instead choosing to pick Joel Stein as the next victim of my vicarious pipe dream.
It wouldn't work out anyway. I'm totally a Miranda.
Being the misanthrope and subway troll that I am, my assignment of, "making witty observations about people on the train" wasn't terribly difficult. However, what I failed to realize was that as a young, white female, I only have slightly more right than my grandmother in typing a single line of ebonics into the article. Although I make fun of every group of people equally and undeservedly, my column was taken away based on the grounds that it may be misconstrued as "offensive towards the community." I had a hard time defending myself against racist allegations, but managed to refrain from overexplaining the mixed demographics of my hometown, my desire for an afro, and how the love of my life from sixth to seventh grade was a beautiful black kid named Pierre. I just told the editor that although I understand, "chances" have to be taken at some point in "journalism." However, I'm still going to attempt to write for them, sans column.
I also got robbed a couple weeks ago and spent a Friday night at the police station, waiting with a man who referred to himself only as "Mr. J's friend." He told me about his wife's lingerie collection, what it was like to teach in an inner city school, and confessed his man-crush for, "that funny motherfucker, Chris Tucker."
So look out for my face on a fake ID near you!
Also, the hot water has mysteriously been turned off for the past couple of days. As I wait for water to boil so I can give myself a geriatric sponge bath, I decided to take five minutes out of my day to passive-aggressively let my roommate know that I refuse to take out the trash again.
Getting a bigger garbage can is obviously not an option.
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| | Posted 10/7/2007 5:09 AM - 31 comments
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