Okay. I guess some of you are wondering why I had a breakdown in Friday rehearsal. I guess this is the best explanation.
I think I am really losing my mind. Things are quite out of order in my life. My nose is runny, my self confidence is gone, i'm afraid that while i'm on my streak of depression, I am going to give people the wrong idea. I know that my entire family life has been a lie. My parents don't love each other, the only reason they stay together is because of me and my sister. The fact that I know that my older half brother (who screws up on his own) and my older half sister had to go through the same exact shit. Sometimes I feel like that with my family situation, I have had to grow up faster than most kids ever have. I remember being three and watching my dad spill all the contents of our fridge onto the linoleum floor out of drunken rage, causing glass from the jelly container to spill all over the floor. I remembering me listening to my parents scream at each other while I put everything else that wasn't covered in glass back in the fridge. 13 years later, nothing much has changed, or rather has gotten worse. They are screaming at each other as I type. I don't know how much more of this I can take. Sometimes I hate life.
Thanks to my friends that keep me happy in the times I am not home.
I know this entry is kind of out there. I was considering it making it a protected post, but I guess there is no secret about it right?
I mean, we do have some happy times, but the portrait is always blotted out with deep dark puddles of hate.
Gahhh.
edito. I know there are a lot of people that can relate to my situation. If you guys ever want someone to talk to, I can definitely relate.
I am going to hate myself tommorrow for writing this entry.
edito 2.
dear life,
please get better.
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