Changes
And so here i am.  It's been a while.  i've had time to think.  And guess what?  Here's an update on all fronts....

Old Relationships
i'm not bitter.  Well, not in my definition of the word.  There are definitely moments where i miss having her.  Not MY girl, but still mine.  Someone i could always count on and trust and care for without sounding/feeling stupid.  Someone who sent me misc. care packages that made my week.  What exactly makes someone bitter anyway?  i mean, i guess if i found reasons to blame myself all day long about why it didn't work out, then i couldn't be bitter.  So, maybe that's what i'm supposed to be like..?  It's always too little too late with the things that you actually want that you can't have that you once had.  Right?  So, yeah, i'm waiting for someone to come along to replace the Jennifer-shaped hole there is in my life.  Sometimes i look at the trouble in our relationship and i don't think it'd be too hard to find someone better, but in some ways i didn't want to find anyone better.  i got to the point where...  i didn't want the perfect girl, because i already had her.  i mean, sure, she was crazy about cleaning and organizing, but if a girl's going to be crazy about anything.. well, better that it's cleaning and organizing than it is.. killing people and punching people in the face.  Oh well, i guess that's all stuff i can carry into my next relationship.  Lessons learned.  As long as i don't take any baggage with me, then i should be ok.

i'm not really looking, but i find it highly unlikely that i'll get as lucky as i got 5 years ago.  Holy crap, it would've been our 5 year anniversary in May, but i forgot about it.  Oh well, it's fitting....

Friends
Well, i've been a crappy friend.  i can't ever spend enough time with all my friends that i want to, because i don't have enough time.  i don't even think i'd have enough time if i wasn't in the military, but what can you do?  That's life.

Career
Haha, yeah, i'm working on that one.  i don't know what i want to do, so i'm stuck.  The only thing that keeps me going is that i know that i need to do stuff to be able to provide for my future family.  So, the natural progression of things....  yeah, but i'm unhappy, so that should make me the perfect level of angry-ness for my future life.

Education?
Well, trying.

Family
i've realized that i've been a crappy son/brother/cousin/nephew and everything else that i am.  i want to go home and redeem myself.  Be there to show my grandparents that i do care about them and i'm not just waiting for them to die.  i want to help my parents out with whatever they need instead of slowly leeching their lives away and making them feel guilty for their sons' lack of direction.  And i want to be at the special events and holiday dinners with all of my family instead of being here and doing nothing.  i think the hardest thing is that i believe my family is fairly self-sufficient as it is.  i mean, what can i bring to it?  And so being with my friends keeps me from feeling any burden of responsibility while i can still do things for them and all that knowing it's with the goodness of my heart and not because of some obligation.

New Relationships
i guess i've been holding people to a higher standard than what is normal.  i mean, i only have two levels of friends that i actually break apart.  There are good/best friends and then there are acquaintances.  There is very little that i'll do for good friends that i won't do for acquaintances.  i mean, i'll pick them all up if they ever need a ride, or loan the money if they need it.  But there is definitely something different in my mind.  i mean, it's just something... i can't describe in words.  i just care about you more if you're worthy.  Show superficiality or unreasonable rudeness, then consider yourself an acquaintance.  Not that you'd care, because you'd be superficial and annoying anyway and i'd treat you semi-poorly for every instance of crappiness you exhibited.

But anyway, still working on it.