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| weirdweird how i look back on my old entries and how much has changed, how i use to complain and be scared of falling in love but i'm actually so happy to be in love with him :)
8months<3
its so hard but worth it.
this summer is so much about self improving
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| i don't want to be in love!
its weird how love has two sides and it has the power to do all.
it has the power to make you the happiest you've ever been and the power to make you the most depressed you've ever been.
i don't really understand why it has the power to do so much.
it makes me come to the conclusion that love is really all emotions in one.
love is selfish
love is depressive
love is sadness
love is happiness
love is joy
love is fear
love is scared
love is naive
love is senstive
love is life
love is faith
love is the soul
love is trust
love is dieing
love is the world
love is everything
I'm not sure if that makes sense..
but love is basically just every emotion, I've noticed..
what made me come to this conclusion is the fact that I've never been more happier in my entire life then being with him but also I'm so scared.
I'm so scared i mean I've never been this scared in my entire life before.
the fact I'm putting EVERYTHING on the line and I'm giving him EVERYTHING i have: my love, my faith, my trust, my life; my everything. its like I'm a open wound and anything i mean anything could hurt me.
haha the talk we had, wow i actually thought maybe he would understand but he didn't take the conversation seriously even tho i was spilling my guts and crying while doing it. he kept making little jokes and shit.
sensitive? i don't think i was being sensitive.
but now i might of came to the conclusion that he isn't as serious about us as i am?
he never said it but i don't know i guess it seems like it?
haha and he says "i love you sooooo much" to me, it seems like he's getting closer to me but whatever.
i hate this feeling the feeling i feel that things won't be the same and the feeling that I'm dieing inside.
i guess we'll see what happens if anything will....till then pretend time..
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| I dont know know what my problem is.
 I really don't understand what my issue is.
like here i have this AMAZING boy that I'm completely in love with and he's in love with me.
and he sends me cute lil random sweet txts, and says the cutest and sweetest things at random that make me sooo happy just because its random. but like i don't know, its like no matter what-its never enough...its like i don't know what? like do i want it constantly or what? ugh.
and girls will be girls especially the slutty ones and flirt with him and say shit like "i wanna shower with you and rape you haha ;]" and shit like that but its only natural that it gets to me...and i know it shouldn't but sometimes i wish he would be like "i don't care what they say i don't want them i want you only" just to secure me? and like i guess when he says all the cute sweet things and randomly says i love you should be a way of securing me but i don't think its enough? ugh I'm most likely overacting as usual and pmsing :) i haven't slept in like 38hrs soooo that might be it too :)
i totally did an all nighter with him again :D haha<3 lovesss it.
whatever i just needed to vent.
i am overacting and i love him so much and i know he feels the same way about me so you know what f the rest :] nothing is breaking us<3 and plus he isn't the type who would for a slut :]
welllll i think I'm done for now! haha
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| i think it has changed me forever.  blah so like lately I've been feeling depressed and scared about this whole love situation with him...
so finally i couldn't take it anymore and i talked to him about it yesterday.
i swear i grew like 10 balls from that haha.
the most intense and hardest convo i had to go through yet..
i basically just flat out asked him: hey are you really serious about me and us because i don't want to be putting all these feelings on the line for nothing.
of course he joked like always haha but he was like of course I'm serious are you kidding me.
as the convo between us went on i got a lil bit more sadder i don't know quite why i mean everything was good, its just the whole unofficial relationship shit, i didn't understand why he didn't want to be official with me after we really love each other i mean he's my first love its so weird ;/
blah so it was whatever. later on my best friend talked to me about it because i copied and pasted the convo to her and she said it seems like he has a problem opening up his heart so i asked him if thats the case and he was like nah not really i mean i don't want to, to most people just because their all lame well besides you because I've always opened my heart to you :) and i actually believed that just because of all the things we talked about and how he really barely told anyone that shit.
so i told my best friend shes failing and what shes saying isn't true! haha
so oh my god haha he IM's her and they start talking about this whole shit between me cause she knows its been upsetting me welllllllllllllll basically to sum it up he really cares about me, loves me, would kill for me, blah blah reallly sweet made me so happy and like they both can see i have lil trust issues i mean my best friend knows that but its really going away thanks to him and that means a lot to me :) about a lil while ago some horrible shit happened with this one douche and ugh but no that won't effect me f it :) but here comes the bomb....the whole reason we're really not official yet is because he wants things to keep going this great, he said that things are going so great and they will keep going great just like this and he really wants to make sure it stays this way and doesn't want to speed shit up before he asks me out officially because he wants to make this last like last for real. like really last, not to rush shit but like really for real.wow. hahah
can you actually believe it? like wow sweetest thing alive.
i think he is for real :) wowwwwwwwww love haha surreal....
<33333 eeeep.
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| things change.its funny and weird at the same time how things change in a matter of time.
i haven't really had time to keep up with my entries, just write it all in my note book
but I'm going to try posting here more often :)
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