sometimes at night.. i turn out the lights before i'm even ready for sleep. and i curl up next to my pillow.. and i pretend it's you keeping me warm. and i pretend to feel your breath on my face and your hand on my hip. i brush the hair out of my eyes just like you always do, and i replay every word you ever said to me from across the pillow. sometimes i answer. sometimes i tell you the things i always wanted to, the things i was afraid to tell you. and then i shut my eyes tight and wish away all the mistakes.. but when i open my eyes, you're still not there. i don't know if i ever actually expect you to.. but it's still disapointing to wake up next to a pillow and a broken dream....

hate telling him that he's not the only one
that im addicted to him, yet theres someone else
thats constantly on my mind, as much as him
i know deep down that he's better than the other one
but what am i supposed to do, i cant control my feelings
so i abuse myself, i lose myself, over & over again
because i cant chose, my optimistic mind, its a sin.
i dont want to hurt, hurt others, or be hurt..
so i abuse myself, i lose myself, over & over again.

A girl cuts into her skin to feel alive ;; while another cries her eyes out when her boyfriend finally confesses to never </3 loving her. A guy is broken hearted ` when he learns his girlfriend has been cheating on him .::. and another hangs himself over having noone. A girl forces herself to throwup - to feel a sense of control ,, while another does cocaine for that same reason. & these are supposed to be the best years of our lives?