the experience:

hello my little people...

how is everything going in the world? its been too long and i dont even remember how to post up these "weblong long" entries as they are now named. I think i have been brain washed by my society that i live in ,and its doing me no good. Well that is to say everything beyond education. Other than that boo to life itself. I miss just being able to go home and talk to people on the phone, get into fights with my sister every single minute(now it seems like im hugging her every second i see her), i actually miss my parents and their non sense they preach- (i need it here), i miss just hanging out with my cuz and making her laugh, but now, NOW, its just like resposibility has hit the fan and that shit is every where. I can even watch my sister growing up and i cant watch my parents grow old together, i can even see myself and where i walk(i trip every other day-damn pebbles). Time is so indefinite and i can just walk out of the world any minute; who knows when time comes especially for anyone that i can't even be within my reach. This place, society, WORLD has sucked my into its skin and i need some damn lotion because i am amoungst those that are all moist excpet me. It really is the "real world" as some say- no wonder its not worth it at all.

Dry,

Patty Hwang

Currently Listening Give Up By Postal Service Against all odds see related

so this is my experience for you...i knoe its been a while.

Im not sure

The streets break in half

I cant walk straight and I fall into my own trap.

I wish I weren’t here, its too fast…the colors, the people, the culture.

Where do I stand? If not straight then how?

The salt I cry aren’t tears they are a flavor of taste.

Languages thrown back and forth from street to street, but I don’t understand.

“at the drag “ they say. Some lingo….

My skin is sick and almost dying from this imaginary epidemic

The legs are bent into a geometric shape I never leaned.

My eyes most of all are not BLIND.

Everything I see is perfect  ly  clear.

I take steps further and further into a plague that grows smaller.

I find out that I’ve been lied to…it’s not only

 Difficult, but its different.

I walk past the lights and look up.

I have my whole life ahead of me, im glad.

                                                                Hook ‘em

                                                                    Patty.

so dead

so i dont get it. is it better to speak of how sad u are and how lonly it is in life, or is it better to post abou thte fun u have and waht there is to look forwad to next weekend? its all sooo bullshitty to me. i feel soo... tired of it. i guess ill do both.

one, im not happy i never am i never will be. my friends, family, YOU, the people who are reading this never realize it bc i paralyze myself to be this fake body that i want out. i feel that if i let go and change then im going to let poepl down. im tired that i cant change this world, i want to make people happy but i end up hurting them. i mean i should be happy, everything in my life is great, right? nothing needs to be improved, GOD, i need help. im never satisfied, i dont know what i want, and i dotn know if i can go on.

ive realized that its only about 4 more months and MAYBE ill be on my own.

good bai to all.

all i want for chrismas....

is time from the people i love. time is a very meaningful gift that i wish to recieve.

The Invisible

As morbid as she is, she still smiles.

Day by day she hopes for the exile.

While the wrinkles grow at age of 16,

Her looks are choked with the burdens unseen.

Emptiness is what she suffers from most;

Not from crave, but from the forsaken dose.

Her numb life, clearly, is an illusion

Which she tries to make bare in her visions.

She roams the halls into her dull lectures

Where boredom comes to play games of loathers.

She brims with much bliss with her companion.

Then she turns around and he is weakened.

The days a follow over and over

Stuck in this routine, she picks death closer.

The soul of cruel despair lies within her.

Moments of cold tears turn into ponders.

 Left by herself, she poses a question

Of great grief that is thought to be destined,   

“If existence is grim, why must we mend?

And if I must ask, when does it all end?”