So, TJ signed me up for match.com last night, I think because he was bored.

Just wanted to explain in case anyone happened to see me on there. Though, if you saw me, what were you doing there?! *accusing glance*

Has anyone observed the Veganometer lately? At first it just looked broken, but now it has begun phase-shifting into new, unexpected colors.

I think it's evolving.

Soon it will have self-awareness.

Soon life as we know it will be a very different thing.

Soon human life will be extinct, edged out by the new, superior, veganometer cyber-race.

Oh, cursed PHP computational power that I harnessed to create this wretched beast! Not worthy was I to play God and unleash upon the world this treacherous being; humanity, forgive me!

Wow, so, we broke the veganometer.

As Sylvie would say, "Yesssssss."

Hi!

This is a form letter I’ve composed to explain to you the odd situation in which me and my friends have found ourselves.

We’re all Nashville transplants who have formed a tight-knit social circle for interaction. As it happens to turn out, we’re almost exclusively male.

As any student of television situational comedies knows, females are a necessary ingredient in any group of individuals. Honestly, I think we’re all just getting quite bored with our unmitigated male-ness.

We’re not looking for romance. One of us is nearly engaged. One of us is married (his wife is the current exception to our boys’ club). One of is just fresh from a bad relationship. One of us likes to refer to himself in the third person (guess who that is). We’re just trying to meet cool girls for old-fashioned platonic fun. You know, the type of fun that won’t hamper the gradual extinction of the human race.

We also tend to be Christian, but not because of any conscious effort, and the wit and awesomeness of this form letter is a fair indication of the general level of quality within our group.

So if, as your facebook profile proclaims, you’re looking for friendship and want to give us a shot, reply to this message and come hang out with us. Our rotation of activities include movie night, bowling, poker night, general indolence, and trivial pursuit. (I know what you’re thinking, and yes, we DO like to go wild!)

You were especially selected because of qualities indicating you might be a cool person who would mesh well with our group. To demonstrate I’m not just sending out these advertisements en masse, here is a tailored message for you, <insert name>:

"I was a groomsman at your wedding, and everyone showed up except for the bride."
Thanks for that, Dan's Subconscious. Thanks.