incustank12's Xanga

Friday, December 22, 2006

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 00:28:45 GMT

I find it hard to ever remain stasis. Life is such a fluid experience. I am constantly learning and evolving, failing and succeeding, celebrating and grieving, winding my way down a path in the hopes that it will ultimately lead me to greater wisdom, compassion, and maturity. Although the path deviates into the realm of suffering, pain, heartbreak, and despondence I am thankful for the sublime opportunity to live through it all, and I am cognizant of the more-rounded person to which each excursion brings me. Moreover, I am sustained by the knowledge that the path will also deviate into realms of elation, excitement, and love. In the end it is my sincere hope that my net impact on this world will be a positive one. The only way such a marvelous dream could be possibly realized is if I embrace all of life's profound experiences and endeavor to learn from all of them.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Sat, 02 Dec 2006 05:28:52 GMT

In my wildest dreams I really wish people were more genuine with each other.... I don't think I will ever understand how people can be so nice to each other in person but say such mean and hurtful things about one another in private. This post has no real alterior motive and is not meant to imply anything about anyone, nor am I trying to put myself above reproach... I just see so much of it on a daily basis that I am sick of it and choosing to vent my frustration. I am trying myself to live up to the standard of my own words and I implore anyone else out there who feels as I do to do the same. Maybe I am missing something in all this... I can't be certain.

Monday, November 27, 2006

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 20:56:16 GMT

"In my beginning is my end"
T.S. Eliot

Life impresses and astounds me...
As a western society we always tend to view existence in a linear manner, as a succession of events stretching towards eternity. Yet, all around us life works in these amazing cycles. From the changing seasons to the raging emotions in our own heads to the great tides of both ocean and movements of great pith that sweep over our shores, life oscillates between birth, death, and rebirth. When viewed in this manner each step becomes essential to the one succeeding it, thus death becomes essential to rebirth. Some may consider this view of life as confining or despondent much akin to the alcoholic stuck in a cycle of rehab and remission. However, after thoughtful and deliberate consideration I find it liberating... Suddenly opposites become inexplicably intertwined... depression and elation are each essential to truly experiencing its antithesis

I am by no means claiming to have stumbled upon a sort of enlightening, but I do like to dabble in a little thinking every now and then. This just is one of those observations I tend to like to ruminate on...

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Thu, 23 Nov 2006 15:01:56 GMT

This is probably pretty close to what I look like right now... HAHAHA...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Friday, November 17, 2006

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 01:01:37 GMT

Words can be so beautiful...

What are the roots that clutch, what branches grow
Out of this stony rubbish? Son of man,
You cannot say, or guess, for you know only
A heap of broken images, where the sun beats,
And the dead tree gives no shelter, the cricket no relief,
And the dry stone no sound of water. Only
There is shadow under this red rock,
(Come in under the shadow of this red rock),
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.

~T.S. Eliot The Wasteland

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Sun, 12 Nov 2006 14:44:38 GMT

Today is my birthday!!! Another year gone by so fast... kinda scary, but it is also a great opportunity! A whole new year to learn and grow as a person and to push myself to new heights. A whole new year to spend with the people and places I love. I woke up this morning refreshed for the first time in a while, I know that there will be trying times ahead, but I also know I will be stronger because of them. There are two ways of dealing with adversity... sitting around lamenting about one's state or rising above it and seizing the opportunity to grow. The latter is by no means an easy feat to accomplish, but the rewards far out weigh the costs. Epiphanies are strange creatures though, they come often with passion and conviction, yet as the days wear on the initial vigor of action wears thin and eventually fizzles out. That is why I try my best to write them down in a notepad so that I always have a fresh reminder. I can't say that the vigor I have at this moment won't wear out, but I am going to try my best to hold on to it. In the end, that is all one can do.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Fri, 03 Nov 2006 17:04:06 GMT

I feel like I got hit by a truck, but I am still standing. All I can do is try to learn from this experience and hope next time I do better, because "That's life. If nothing else, its life. It's real, and sometimes it fuckin' hurts, but it's sort of all we have." (sorry for the expletive but it is a quote). I will always be a work in progress, I never want to become content. There are always new things to learn and explore, and new facets of myself to know and improve. This doesn't mean I don't accept the basics of the person I am... they will always define me, but I can always try to hold myself to higher moral standards or try to be friendlier or more approachable. Even when I am very sad, I appreciate how spectacular this opportunity is. Life in all of its complexities, the good and the bad, is still an extremely beautiful and moving experience. As many know there are many times when I get quiet and just become an observer. It is at these times that I am removing myself from my immediate surroundings and just marveling in all that life is.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 12:36:51 GMT

I just want to see her smile again......

Friday, October 27, 2006

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 18:33:54 GMT

Dear Man Who Kept Me Up Last Night,

So last night was interesting... Lets just say that some men are an embarrassment to their gender... I know I was embarrassed by your actions.... and nervous!!!! I know relationships are tough, trust me I KNOW, but that is no excuse for the way you acted. Honestly I don't understand how the whole charade you put on is supposed to do anything but convince her that she absolutely doesn't want to be with you. Love makes people do strange things... but I have to question whether your intentions were truly a product of love... or of obsession/insanity. As you can see I am trying not to be too judging, but you my mysterious assailant need some help. I don't profess to be any better with relationships, trust me I have had my share of failures, yet there are certain lines you never cross. You have to accept that you can't control what people feel and think... acceptance will allow you to think rationally. Thinking rationally will help you see that nothing can be accomplished by your actions last night except exacerbating the situation. Thank you for reminding me why I do things the way I do. Finally, I don't know you but I have to say that you need to behave in a more mature fashion, because now I am of the opinion that she is too good for you (and if I came to that conclusion I am sure she will too)

Sincerely
Chris Boyer

P.S. I am going to bill you for the last thirteen hours of my life... expect to receive notification by mail within five business days. I accept cash or check. Thank You!

Friday, October 20, 2006

Fri, 20 Oct 2006 21:58:34 GMT

my roomate moved out today.... i don't think it was me... still kinda hurts