| this is the last you'll hear from me...
i wish i was telling the truth
damn it |
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| its been a while but i need somewhere to write this shit down
my happinesss goes back and forth, i feel like there is constantly something missing
relationships don't seem as strong as they once did and they are getting few and far between
if im not workn all the time then im getting drunk or something like that.... i don't like the person that ive become
i miss having close friends, and its to the point that there is so much shit piled up in my mind that i cant even begin to convey it, i have this undying urge to be wanted/ needed something like that, i jus miss having someone that really cares about me someone i can feel truely comfortable with
screw this im done |
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| so being at the grace of your friends really makes you think alot. i have this problem of thinking that im worthless, and that im a burden on everyone. it makes me really humble but i think it also makes me kinda annoying. kinda like when skinny girls keep sayn they're fat.. that kinda thing. but thank god for my real friends. thank you stephen for your hospitality towards me and your friendship. and especially for always letting me crash. natalie, thank you and your wonderful family for allowing me a place to rest my head and collect myself. this is a very strange transitional time in my life. without your love and support i dont know what i would do.
life right now is so strange... i know im taking an alternate route, and its hard to say that any of whats envisioned in my head will ever become a reality.. but great risk is always envolved in decesions like the one i have made to stay in tulsa for the time being. my father completely looks down on everything im doing, which is discouraging to some effect but isnt that criticle. i have so much faith in what im doing but i know thats not enough. i feel like one of the first astronauts put into space. ready, willing, eager, and scared shitless at the possibilities. |
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| wow.
so that was a short lived burst of happiness. come to find out that the "customer service" "home care system" job that i randomly picked up is really a door to door ass fuck wherein we try to convince people that their lives are shit and the only way they'll be happy is to buy a $2,100 vaccum cleaner/steamer/everything in one bullshit.
$2,000 a month sounds good but thats only for the first 3 months then its all commission. $ 200 dollars a sale.
who the fuck is gonna buy this shit? besides a few rich stupid fucks in south tulsa i cant think of anyone.
so once again im out of a job thats worth living for.
............................................................
at my dads house in cleveland but only for a day just short enough that all my friends up here are gonna be pissed that they didnt get to see me long if i even get ahold of them at all. so far only one.
uughh |
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| I'll say it straight and plain I know I've made mistakes
I've always been afraid
A thousand nights or more I travel east and north
Please answer the door
Can you tell me...
You say that love goes anywhere
In your darkest time, it's just enough to know it's there
When you go, I'll let you be
But you're killing everything in me
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