Hi..still swollen. 3^rd day, I’m ready for this to be over. I was scared at first. The women were really nice tho - they were workin on my right arm, trying to find my veins and after 10 min. they go "wait, are u a lefty or righty?" and i said lefty and they go "OH!" so they moved everything over to my left side and found a vein fast. Which i wasn't too happy bout. I was bout to tell them, oh don't worry if u can't find one; we dont have to do this surgery. Then when the actual guy came in, he started askin me ?'s. Then went like flip shit bout my brouses on my arm, but I reassured him that they were just from cheerleading. I remember too, he asked me "so, what school do u go to?" and by this time I was almost half out of it, they had the mask on me and everything. I look up at the ceiling and go "...uuuhhhh" after like 30 seconds. haha then that was it. When I woke up I was in a different room and I wanted to ball so bad. I was just sitting there, w/ these things in my mouth and it hit me. I will always love him. I thought I knew that a long time ago but there was so much anger built up for him that I honestly thought that I just might not love him not matter what. It’s like my mind is playing tricks on me cuz I’m happy that I’m single, I am cuz it’s fun and i have had so many opportunities that i couldn't take before but then there’s times where it’s like “oh, this kinda sucks.” Carol has always told me, i'm always going to have a place in my heart for my first love and I guess the girl is right. Have i ever known her to be wrong? And I realized it when I was just sitting there. I really did. But how can u hate someone and “love” them at the same time? who knows-I sure as hell don’t. The women at the desk across the room kept looking over at me and finally said "hunney are u alright?" It was harder than no other to keep the tears back and the thought that kept running across my mind, like a bright bulletin was "I want him here" I almost told my parents too. haha i'm pathetic but oh well..Carol came over Friday during supper time and didnt leave till supper time the next day. That girl is so funny! We fought half the night, whether it was bout her chucking this highlighter at my head (hitting me right in the middle of the forehead ) i was seriously mad at her for that cuz at that time my head was still really sensitive. I told her "if u were my fucking sister i would fucking punch u so fucking hard right now" haha i was pissed. or the bedroom scene. I thought I fought w/ the covers - my bed was totally stripped in the morning cuz of her. By the time I was done yelling at her for stealing all of the covers, I was wide awake so we both decided it would be wise to just stay up and watch porn. I honestly wonder if she takes something when I’m not looking cuz of how she acts. haha to make a long story short, I cought her w/ her camera down her shirt (wow) and then in the middle of the morning she wakes me up to tell me bout a star that was blinking but not moving. honestly?? haha it took me a half an hour to convince her that it was a plane and I was in no mood for it.

I took a shower this morning! haha I was missing out on those for the last 2 days. It hurt to wash my hair tho cuz I had to lean my head back and it hurt my mouth. LAME I don’t think I’m going to practice Monday; I’m sure not goin if I feel like I feel right now. There’s too much of a risk getting hit in the head w/ stunting or landing on my head w/ tumbling (since I tend to do that a lot. haha) so. Oh and I lost weight too!! YESSSS first time in like 3 years. lol yea and I’m not even kidding. I never thought I’d say this, but I’m sick of ice cream. ew I don’t even want to see it ever again. Carol ordered this huge dinner from Pizza Hut and ate it right in front of me. wow I honestly enjoyed it too. It smelled so good. I told my rents “this is to prove she does eat” cuz they thought she didn’t. She’s one of those ppl who eats and eats, yet doesn’t gain any weight. but anyways, I’m boring myself so this has to be boring for u guys..moving on..
This is random, but did anyone see the new pics of Kelly Clarkson?? She got really hot! I was impressed.

I can't wait till next week.
Anyways, I’m out I guess

x0x0

did u ever know u were my hero?

this is probably the sweetest thing i've ever seen

he is so cute

wahooo, i got my mom to actually jump on the tramp. tonight! "i'm an old women" she held my hands tight like a women would for giving birth tho. haha but that's ok. apparontly i have nice shoulders too cuz my neighbor came over and said "wowe girl you have some big shoulders!" i guess that's a compliment?

This is whole ? thing i put down below is fun..gets kinda boring tho i guess..I have too much time on my hands tho, since I made each set a different color and put a smiley on everyother one. haha w/e! some of the ?'s make u really think and they like mess w/ ur mind..at least they do mine. i swear some of them were repeated too but i'm a dork and just went along w/ it..

HAVE YOU EVER...
1. Kissed your cousin: don’t think so 
2. Ran away: well when I was like 10.. but I got to like the other side of my development and decided it was too hot,    
    so turned around..haha
3. Pictured your crush naked: ofcourse
4. Skipped school: yup (not much tho)
5. Broken someone's heart: eh?
6. Been in love: think so
7. Cried when someone died: uh yea, biggest cry baby right here
8. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have: ahuh
9. Broken a bone: no, surprisingly!
10. Done something embarrassing: oh yea. But just laugh it off 
11. Lied: have to say yes , but just b/c rents are all up in my business too much and paranoid at times
12. Cried in school: yes but not in like a bawling, phyco way. I can control myself

WHICH IS BETTER...
13. Coke or Pepsi: hhm..Pepsi. yes, pepsi
14. Sprite or 7UP: uh..7UP I guess
15. Girls or Guys: at what? I’ll just say guys
16. Flowers or Candy: Flowers! So romantic
17. Scruff or Clean shaved: ooh, good ?..uum I like both; scruff can be sexy, then again clean can be too.
18. Blondes or Brunettes: on men or woman? Def. brown/black on guys. The darker, the more attractive
19. Bitchy or Slutty: oh jeez..i really hate bitchy and slutty is just disgusting
20. Tall or Short: hhhm..i like guys who are around 5’6 ish..tall is alright but shorter is nice b/c it’s easy to hug them    
       whenever I’m feelin like it.
21. Pants or Shorts: on me? Pants
22. Night or Day: oh another good ?..day is always exciting, but nights can be awesome too

WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX...
23. What do you notice first: body wise? This is gonna be weird, but I have to say arms/shoulders. Everyone says  
      “eyes or smile” but yea yea yea u boring ppl.. we all look at that but I’m different...i wanna see how built u are. Oh        hands too..it's just one of those things
24. Last Person You Slow Danced With: uh my dad. lol like 2 years ago in Aruba (but I’d love to dance w/ a special  
      boy)
25. Worst Question To Ask: "whats ur weight?" shut up that’s none of ur business. haha and what’s it matter?

THE LAST TIME YOU...
26. Showered: don’t remember.. just playin, um last night 
27. Stepped outside: like 2 hours ago..hell yes for the trampoline
28. Had Sex: blank

ABOUT YOU...
29. Romantic memory: 2 years ago..he and I were in a brand new relationship, both feelin each other. (not literally)  
      My rents told us to come outside to see the moon or somethin, so we went out and were standing by my gate up 
      to the deck, gazing up at the night sky, I said it was chilly or something and he offered me his jacket. ( it’s  
      just something I remember and he wasn’t the real romantic type anyways, so that was nice to me)
30. Your Good Luck Charm: i dont have one?
31. Person You Hate Most: blank..i dont really HATE anyone anyways..
32. Best Thing That Has Happened: aah
33. On your desk: a Walt Disneyworld cheerleading figure!! Carrie Underwoods cd..she’s beautiful
34. Picture on your desktop: changes from time to time. It’s either a college cheerleading stunt or my baby

FAVOURITE...
35. Color: hhm light purple is nice
36. Movie: omg definetly The Notebook. Cry every time I see it. I would love to be w/ someone like “Noah Calhoon” I
      get in this deep, dazed, "wow" mood every time i watch it.
39. Ice Cream: Myer’s Grapenut!! 
41. Food: hhhm my moms' home made lasagna

WHO...
44. Can Make You Feel Better No Matter What: used to be him, but.. now I don’t really know
45. Has A Crush On You: who knows
46. Do You Have A Crush On Someone: when does a girl not have a crush on someone?
47. Who Has It Easier?: uuh if this ? made sence I would mabey think bout answering it 
48. Gives You A Funny Feeling When You See Them: …uh a couple ppl

DO YOU EVER...
49. Sit By The Phone Waiting For A Phone Call All Night: haaa this is a pathetic yes. (sometimes) I don’t like sit there  
      and stare at it tho
50. Save AIM Conversations: y?
51. Save E-mails: ahuh
52. Forward Secret E-mails: this is stupid 
53. Wish u Were Someone Else: yea but what’s the point. If ur stuck in ur body/mind, might as well be happy w/ it.
54. Wish You Were A Member Of The Opposite Sex: yea! Being a girl sucks, we’re too damn prissy
55. Wear Cologne: ..I am a girl. haha
56. Kiss:  huh?
57. Cuddle:  aah I love it. adore it.
58. Go Online For Longer Than Eight Hours At A Time: I have a life thanks. haha
...
59. Fallen For Your Best Friend?: guy close friend, yes.
60. Made Out With JUST A Friend?: yes
61. Kissed Two People In The Same Day?: nah  
62. Had Sex With Two Different People In The Same Day?:  --
63. Been Rejected: sure, everyone does. it's nothing really to be ashamed ff. shit happens
65. Been In Lust?: ya 
66. Used Someone?: ew no
67. Been Used?: yes. (screw u by the way, ur sick)
68. Dumped Someone?: nope
69. Been Cheated On?: don’t think so
70. Been Kissed?: *yes* amazing
71. Done Something You Regret?: oh yea

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
72. You Touched?:  that could mean different things, but I’ll leave that one out of it..the last thing I loved and pet was 
      Brittany. haha my dog. I love her
73. You Talked To?: I think it was my mom
77. You Yelled At?: my dad. haha aw I love him tho
78. You Thought About?: .wow I don’t even know. My minds always racing
79. Who Text Messaged You?: Vince
80. Who Broke Your Heart?: a couple ppl but deep, prob. Mr. Richards

MORE ABOUT YOU...
82. Color Your Hair? I’ve wanted honey highlights but I dunno.
83. Have Tattoos?: nah but I have a creative idea of one
84. Have Piercings?: just the regular ear ones. I wanted my tongue but my mom's kinda really really against it,     
      so..haha
85. Have A boyfriend/girlfriend?: nah, not right now
86. Own A Webcam?: yes but who knows where that is now. We might have thrown it away actually
88. Ever Get Off The Damn Computer?: lol who the hell made up these questions
89. Sprechen Sie Deutsch?: oh wow, that seriously took me like 2 min. to figure out. hahaha wow I’m an idiot. But
       no, I don’t speak german
90. Habla espanol?: nah, but I wish 
91. Quack?: what

HAVE YOU / DO YOU / ARE YOU...
92. Stolen Anything?: no
93. Smoke?: couple times
94. Schizophrenic?: uh no
95. Obsessive?: no? wow weirdo’s
96. Compulsive?: dunno
97. Obsessive compulsive?: nuh uh
98. Panic?: sometimes
99. Anxiety?: uh
100. Depressed?: time to time

 In the past month, did/have you:
--Consumed Alchohol: stupid question
--Have Sex: another one 
--Made Out: blaaaank
--Gone On Date: si
--Go To the Mall: yea but that wasn’t too exciting, after all, it IS State College
--Been in Love: blank
--Gone Skinny Dipping: not in the last month

YES or NO
1. Eat a bug?: uuuh
2. Bungee jump? I think it’d be fun
3. Hang glide?  sure
4. Kill someone? Nah I’m not quite like that. haha
5. Kiss someone of the same sex? yes
6. Have sex with someone of the same sex?  If I was really drunk. haha
7. Parachute from a plane?  w/ someone else to hold my hand and like save me from
    having a heart attack
8. Walk on hot coals? Uh no, I need my feet in the future
9. Go out with someone for their looks? No, if u don’t have the personality, then what’s
    the point?
10. For their reputation? no
11. Be a vegetarian? No, I like meat
12. Wear plaid with stripes? no thank u
14. Sing Karaoke? Mabey in my basement. haha
16. Shoplift? I’ve got money..actually i don't, my rents do. so i'm set.
17. Run a red light? yea
18. Star in a porn video?  Uh no. lol
19. Dye your hair blue? no
20. Be on Survivor? Don’t think I’d have the balls to actually
21. Wear makeup in public? Ok dumb dumb dumb
22. Not wear makeup in public? sometimes
23. Cheat on a test?  Mabey
24. Make someone cry? I think I have before

[in the morning I am]:  tired/grouchy/tend to randomly scream. haha (diff. story when I’m waking up w/ someone beside me tho)
[all I need is]: a hug and someone to hold my hand
[love is]: wonderful/amazing/stupid/ridiculous/crazy/breath taking/incredible/etc. amen.
[I'm afraid of]: sharks and falling down the stairs (so true)
[I dream about]: wow everything
 
-W I T H .T H E. O P P O S I T E. S E X-
[what do you notice first?]: the way he looks at me, where he looks and how he talks
[dream boy/girlfriend]: again, Noah Calhoon (!) or everything Carmelo is. haha
[do you believe in love at first sight?]: tough one 

-W H O-
[makes you laugh the most?]: carol when she's half drunk in my basement at 2 AM
[makes you smile]: special ppl..it’s not hard to make me smile tho
[gives you a funny feeling when you see them]: lots of ppl

W H O .W A S .T H E .L A S T. P E R S O N-
[you talked to on the phone]: carol
[hugged]: Evan
[you instant messaged]: Carmelo
[you laughed with]: I don’t even remember. I laugh like all the time, so 

-D O .Y O U /  A R E .Y O U-
[smoke cigarettes]: just tried one once but I was drunk, so doesn’t really count
[could you live without the computer?]: probably not
[drink alcohol?]: si, time to time
[smoke weed?]: do u think I do? I’ll be mysterious on that one
[like watching sunrises or sunset]: wow definetly. I think it’d be so romantic and special and nice, and just wow..everything I dream. especially w/ “him”
[trust others way too easily?]: kinda

It's probably close to 80 degrees in here. y is it so hot in here.
I was excited for hanging out w/ Mike today; I had a feeling it wasn’t gonna work out tho, so w/e. He asked for Thursday, but I’m gonna have my wisdom teeth out Thursday; 9:15 AM! bluh bluh and bluh. The dentist guy was checkin them out yeseterday and he was like caressing my jaw. haha I was bout to like kick him in the balls. Then! Oh then he has the nerve to talk to me, like have a conversation w/ me while he’s in my mouth. I hate when they do that. How do they expect u to talk! But yes..if any of u would like to come over and be miserable w/ me, you are free to. 306 Fairfield Drive..haha My mom insisted carol comes over Friday to “take care of me” cuz they’ll be out of town. Speaking of her, I think i got her to join All Stars, but it's 90 dollars a month so she might not be able to do it. i was fun watchin her stunt last night and even though it’s been a couple years for her, she still has her stuff goin on.

It was funny, we were in the middle of something in our routine – everyone’s tryin to stay on to each other and concentrating and out of no where I was like “woooowe” and colton goes “shauna, what the hell, u are so random!” which is true, but it was so amazing, the guy on tramp. cought my eye and honestly, I could sit there and watch him for hours and not get bored. They always say I’m like a little kid when it comes to that, but w/e. I don’t care. haha 

Wow I just read something and it’s ridiculous. I hate how ppl talk bout “ignorance” and all this other shit. They don’t know their fucking ass from their head. Ignorance and THE TRUTH are 2 different things. If I could punch one person in the face, like square in the mouth, it’d probably be her. haha …who says that really? lol I don’t give a shit, it’s the truth. And she’d probably say the same thing bout me, if she could stop for mabey half a second w/ her fake “nice/kind” attitude. ew. I can’t wait till they break each others heart and then he finally realizes. He does, he’s just stubborn. I know him. But he doesn’t know me anymore. So it’ll never work, even if I did want to let him back in. and after just looking at that, let alone being w/ it, I would never let him in my sight. The really scary thing is, we are so alike in a lot of ways. It gives me the chills, then again it doesn’t. ew.

But why am I writing bout that? It’s immature, especially on xanga..haha god I’m going to go to hell when I die.

Anywho..I know I probably write bout this every entry, but I miss V so much. I’m guessing it’ll never go away? Even no matter how much I want to hate him, I’m always going to want to hang out w/ him and see him again.

My shoulders are getting tense, so lets talk about a fun topic..i dunno if it’s “fun” but my girl and I went out to lunch yesterday, after trying to go to the creamery. I wanted her to try the new blueberry kind, or w/e that’s called..so good! For all you reading this, go try it! We hung out all day, didn’t really plan on it but it just happened. She went w/ me to my dentist check up thing; I thought she was going to kill me! Cuz she had to wait for me to be done, and it took almost an hour. She gave me one of those looks when I came out. haha. she loves me, and she knows it

So I think I just might make a move today, on “my freshman” hahaha oh god, my rents and carol and I have this joke bout my crush on this freshman. He’s w/ the family that just bought our other house last spring, and it’s so convenient. He’s only 3 doors down and ok I’m not gonna lie, he’s pretty good looking, and hey, he’s an athlete! One day when my rents stopped the car for me to get the mail, I got out and saw him, and when I got back in the car I was like “so guys..what do u think bout me makin a move?” and they go, “on who??” and I said “well…him” and my mom goes “Shauna-Maria!!” while my dad starts goin off on how I’d be “rockin the cradle” or w/e that old saying is. haha it was great. I was kidding at first, but now, I’m actually thinking bout it. lol I’m a terrible person.

So my Dad’s gonna be in Lewistown Monday while my mom’s teachin summer school, so I juuuust might cook somethin up. I rarely get the opportunity cuz they’re always home or something. We’ll see. Hangin out w/ Brett tonight again, I think. He’s in Philly all day but he’ll be back tonight.
I hate the whole age thing – how “it’s not right” and if u get cought it’s rape or w/e. man F that, it’s so dumb. I just don’t understand it; if it’s ok w/ both of them and if they want to, then why not. And 4-5  years isn’t even that far apart.

This is random, but it’s kinda funny..well it was actually really funny at the time (u kinda have to know me and Chelsea tho) but I thought I’d put it in here. We don’t even comment on half the stuff we say to each other, we just type. it’s kinda rude really, but we’ve always done it that way. I honestly loose myself in our convo’s sometimes tho; I get so lost. haha..I’m kinda worried bout the someone we talked bout in this reading it, but eh, w/e. It doesn’t matter I guess; I doubt he reads my xanga anyways.

dreamer1636: oh yes
dreamer1636: i wrote u a lovely comment in ur xanga
uSaCheerchik2006: did u!!
 uSaCheerchik2006: aw ur so nice
uSaCheerchik2006: i have to read it
uSaCheerchik2006: hahahah u had to play bingo and u actually wrote that u won 5 dollars
dreamer1636: lol see my xanga's all pretty.
uSaCheerchik2006: aaaw i make u laugh the most
uSaCheerchik2006: thank u
dreamer1636: lol
uSaCheerchik2006: i honestly feel speacial
dreamer1636: dont know who harley is..
uSaCheerchik2006: who is harley
dreamer1636: i just read that
dreamer1636: i dont know
dreamer1636: it was in the last person i hugged
uSaCheerchik2006: lol oooh, OH MY GOD i thought u liked a new guy named harley!!!
uSaCheerchik2006: i got soo worried so fast.
dreamer1636: liking someone named doyle is anough
uSaCheerchik2006: haha
uSaCheerchik2006: i would laugh so hard tho
uSaCheerchik2006: if u liked a guy named harley after all this
dreamer1636: lol
uSaCheerchik2006: honestly, i'd probably laugh everytime u brought him up
uSaCheerchik2006: sorry
dreamer1636: lol who?
dreamer1636: harley?
uSaCheerchik2006: brought harley up
dreamer1636: well fuck i'd laugh with u
uSaCheerchik2006: hahaha listen to us. we're talking about him like he's someone real
dreamer1636: lol
uSaCheerchik2006: sooo if u wanna have MAD MAD sex w/ matt kenney and he has no idea, clap ur haaandsss
dreamer1636: nope nope
uSaCheerchik2006: eew i just noticed. i have lik this bump on one of my toes
uSaCheerchik2006: on the side of it
dreamer1636: sooo if u wanna have MAD MAD sex w/ matt kenney and he has no idea, clap ur haaandsss
uSaCheerchik2006: i looked down and noticed it
uSaCheerchik2006: CLAP CLAP!!!
dreamer1636 signed off at 11:35:29 PM.
dreamer1636 signed on at 11:36:21 PM.
dreamer1636: i often wonder how i would be drunk
uSaCheerchik2006: probably really giddy or real mellow
uSaCheerchik2006: i can see u either/both

That is my entertainment for u all. Mabey I’ll have something even more exciting tomorrow. She said I’m the person who makes her laugh the most. That was cool. I try my best. I love to make ppl laugh..i went kinda smiley crazy on this entry, but oh well i guess. It makes it more fun. (to me at least..prob. cuz i'm ammused in life by small things like that..haha)

~~I’ll show u everything
w/ arms wide open~~