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intergirlupted
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read my profile
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Name: Heaven
Country: United States
State: North Carolina
Metro: Harnett County
Gender: Female
Interests: I am tall, graceful, and eloquent.
I am good with numbers and volleyball.
I'm a genius and have good table manners.
I live in my own little world where all
of these things are true.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Media
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  drpepper0212
Member Since:
12/22/2004
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i want to change the world,
instead i sleep.
i want to believe in more than just you and me.
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| I went home this past weekend.
I went to church with my Mother,
the pastor asked me where I had ended up going to school.
"Peace," I tell him.
His eyebrow goes up, he tilts his head towards me a bit and looks around,
dramatically,
"Peace? Isn't that where they teach you to be a feminist?"
"Oh, no, That's Meredith," his wife chips in (on my behalf?)
My Mother joins in: "Peace is a presbyterian school."
I have been having lots of adventures lately.
I hope they won't turn out clichely.
Unconventional.
unCOVET
intentional.
(i'm kind of bored here.)
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| I often forget about this little journal.
I'm sorry little forgotten journal,
is it any consolation that I find you again?
High school has ended, more or less.
And the ending feels terribly anti-climactic.
Perhaps because my schooling over the past few years
has been so, well, messy.
I'll be going to NCSU.
It's so big and full of bricks.
And I'm so small and full of insecurities.
But I am looking forward to being on my own
(or at least feeling as though I am),
and as intimidating as the school is,
I am looking forward to mingling with and
observing different sorts of people.
And I suppose going to a school as large as NCSU
is the best way to do that.
I'm working at a camp all summer.
Outside. ish.
I leave Sunday.
I hope they like me.
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| I have found that I really dislike unoriginal people.
I do not like to be copied.
If you can't just be yourself, then I am unable to respect you.
If you do not know who you are and you cannot take the time out
to figure that out, I cannot respect you.
Obviously, everyone has little bits and pieces of others weaved
into who they are -- but that's hardly the same as just straight up
copying others and acting like you aren't.
I also strongly dislike people who are very self-righteous and
unable to see what's right in front of their face. Which is basically
just a pride problem.
I guess I'm like God: I hate pride.
I hate being told the most ridiculous, illogical
things in the world as an excuse to try to justify
wrong behaviour.
It doesn't justify anything; It just makes you look retarded and
prideful.
I don't know whether to be amused
or disgusted.
Amused because, really, it's funny.
Disgusted because you actually think you're proving something.
I'll probably delete this later,
but I am currently quite, quite,
well, you know.
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| I went to a coffe shop tonight with my cousin em in Raleigh. There was a guy there who sings and plays guitar, jeremy gilchrist, he was really, really good. I had some chai tea in a little brown cup and sat on a navy couch with em and just, relaxed. Everyone there was just so chill and mellow; and it was wonderful. The waitress put a monkey sticker on my coffee lip and people I didn't know smiled at me.
It seems like we all spend so much time running around and stressing out and worrying and accomplishing and being busy that we forget to just step back and ask ourselves if we're even enjoying life.
That's really something I've been focusing on this year. I have stressed out so much the past four years and pushed myself and when I think about it, what did it _really_ get me? A list of activities to put on a resume, a high gpa, and a neurosis? But I'd always fall short in one way or another.
I'm not very competitive in the usual sense, but I am competitive on myself. I get really frustrated if "things don't go the way I planned." I'm stubborn -- if I really set my mind to doing something or figuring something out, I feel compelled to finish it. It's takes me forever and a day to ever decide anything, but when I do, I _have_ to make it happen. Except, often, it doesn't happen; for some reason or another, my "plans" fall through.
So, I thought, maybe I should just stop. Stop planning and worrying about the _future_ and enjoy where I _am._
The only way I will ever be content is if I resolve myself to be so.
Of course it's good to have goals and accomplish tasks...but maybe we ought to consider relaxing an accomplishment. No, it won't get you a good grade or scholarship money or a new ipod...but it can give you something thats so much more valuable: perspective.
It's important to plan for the future and have goals. But why can't "being happy" be one of them?
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