A lot I could write about and probably will write about soon but I just had to get some of it out before I forget. Do you ever get in those moods or have those experiences when you're just like "I need to Xanga this". haha. Sometimes I get into Xanga moods. And I'll just make a running list of all the things I need to write in my Xanga until I finally break down and actually do it-and by then I forget most of it!

Anyway...

Funny story. My roomie and I got fish. Many of them. Eight exactly. Leah named her after people, like her boyfriend Phil, her favorite roommate Catie, Heather and Nemo. I named one Vendetta, Soom-do (excuse me in Khmer), Sah-aht (beautiful) and Monet. A week or so after we got them Phil was found dead but he was soon replaced by a Philip Jr. And all was well with the world. Until a few days later when he was dead. And then another of her fish died. So we decided to stop collecting dead fish and take the two back to the pet store for our two week guarantee. I looked in the tank a few hours before we left for the store and my algae eater fish was floating on the top of the tank. Uh oh. Beautiful is dead too. But then I tapped the tank to make sure and he moved. Humm. I guess he wasn't dead. So I left him alone for a while and checked on him again. Still on the top of the tank. Upside down. Floating. And breathing. And randomly freaking out and spinning around the tank and then floating back to the top. Well I didn't want to take him to the pet store. He wasn't dead. But I didn't want to take Leah to the pet store and come home to a really dead fish. I immediately thought of Monty Python...'I'm not dead yet'...'yes you are'...'no I'm not. I'm feeling much better!' haha. Good movie.So I decided to take my sick fish to the petstore but by the time we got into the car-or at least by the time we decided that we had to put the lid over the container or else he'd spill all over the car on the way there-we decided that he was dead or perhaps added to his death. Either way. He's no officially dead. And officially replaced by Soom-do. Her name means beautiful in Khmer. haha. Leah named her new fish Charlie- Phil's middle name.

Well I was going to write more but my wrists have been hurting more lately. I've been spending a lot of time this week on the computer photoshopping senior pictures for friends of mine. Oh maybe I should post some of them. Maybe tomorrow. After research I've self-diagnosed myself with tendonitis. In my wrists. Along with my trigger thumb and weak wrists to begin with...I'm falling apart. I'm very fragile. And breakable.

But at least I have a fish. Fishies. Lots of fish. Plural form of fish. Whoever decided that the plural form of fish is fish is dumb. I never agreed with him.

I didn't spellcheck this and I'm too lazy to do so...so forgive any grammatical mistakes. Haha next post I'll tell you about my errors concerning days of the week and calendars. It's a doozy.

Relationships have been on my mind lately. Songs on the radio about love. Songs about missing you. Songs about hating you. Songs about I wish it never ends. Songs about I can't believe you broke my heart...haha of course those are mostly country songs. But in reality, it's everywhere. And it makes me wonder about people. I've thought about interviewing people on their relationships. I see people after 50 years still in love and it's adorable. I hear of people dying shortly after their spouse died... basically out of heartbreak and loneliness. I see single families and broken homes also. As much as I hate admitting it, I guess I come from a broken home. I've always hated that term. I guess a lot of my thoughts came up when I was looking for an old sewing machine. My mom said that there should be one somewhere in the house. She left it there. My dad said we had one in the house too. I did a full on house search, top to bottom, in every closest and under every bed... every dark corner and smelly room. And couldn't find it. But I did find my parents wedding album. Which I found on the bottom of my brother's closet. It's probably been there for over 10 years I would guess. The album was in a box covered in dust. I've never seen their wedding album before. It wasn't even completed. Very few pages were filled in, pictures were stuck between pages and a lot of the pictures weren't even in the album. I've only seen a few pictures of my parent's wedding in my whole life. Maybe like 3. The same three. I never even knew their anniversary date until I went through the album. Not because I'm bad with dates... but because it was never a big deal in our house. I really don't understand what kind of relationship my parents had. I can't really seem them together anymore. I don't know how they made it 20 years. I don't remember them hugging much or holding hands or anything romantic. I do remember that they used to go out on dates... but only cause we'd get babysitters. One poor babysitter for 4 crazy kids. David wasn't even born then. I think that's sad that those are my only memories. It worries me. How can people be in love for such a long time and break it off after twenty years? How does anyone know that they will stay together? I like watching married people. Maybe because I can't say I've had much experience on how parents should act around each other. At least ones that are still in love. I wonder what it would be like to have parents like that. Parents that loved each other. Idk what happened to mine. I would rather not ask either. And for the most part I never think about these things. But lately I've just wanted to see some good models of loving couples. Why is it that people divorce. I was just researching some numbers and I found that only 33% of couples make it to their 25th anniversary. 20% make it to their 35th. And 5% make it to their 50th. Wow. (http://www.divorcemag.com/statistics/statsUS.shtml). That definitely isn't encouraging.
Usually when my thoughts are all jumbled in my head, they end up making some sense on paper. Some point or idea which helps me sort things out. But not tonight. And in Catie style, I don't feel like making a conclusion out of this. There isn't one. Idk what else to say right now.

"Hey jude, dont let me down.
You have found her, now go and get her.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you can start to make it better" - Beatles

"So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don’t know what else I can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do
I’ll wait for you" - Elliott Yamin

"So go and tell your friends
That I'm obsessive and crazy
That's fine, I'll tell mine
You're gay and by the way
I hate that stupid old pickup truck
You never let me drive
You're a redneck, heartbreak
Who's really bad at lyin'
So watch me strike a match
On all my wasted time
As far as I'm concerned
You're just another picture to burn" - Taylor Swift

"He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
The clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true
And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer" -Rihanna

Some days I just want to xanga. On those days when I just have lots of things going on in my mind. I just wanted to write and see where my thoughts take me. Enjoy.

In the order that things have happened in my life lately...

John and I broke up. I don't know how much I want to say about that online...so I just won't. haha. I know it was the right thing-at least right now-but it's still hard. I miss him.

At Creation Fest I saw people walking around with t-shirts that said 'young, single, available' and I found out that they were college kids who were in Asia. So i went to talk to them at their little booth. They are students who take a year off of school to live in China for a school year and live in apartments around a big university and hang out with the students, make friends with them, have them over for parties, teach they about God and then help them start bible studies and groups on campus. I'm really thinking about running away for a year. Pray for me...of course it's last minute and idk if it'll work out this year or if it's a good idea at all...but it sounds awesome and I'm excited to hear more about it and try to work it out.

This week my family is going on daytrips. We went to Quantico, VA to go to the USMC training base and the new Marine Corp Museum. Lots of interesting stuff. Some days I wonder what it would have been like if we were still a military family. I think it'd be fun but who knows. I at least got the offial running short shorts and gray USMC t-shirt. haha. AND tomorrow/today we are hopefully going to go horseback riding! That was the only thing I wanted for my birthday and the plan is hopefully to go riding with Jess and David on a trail through the woods and along rivers for like 3 hours! FUN!

Well I've had enough of this Jon and Kate plus 8 marathon and I need to get to bed! I guess I didn't really get much out but this is a start. Thanks Xanga.