| quick update for everyone...babys due date has been moved to Feb.9 as per the original Feb.23..will is again accepting the fact this is his baby...but only a month left till lil man comes..so him n i are back on good terms for right now...talking to this new guy..hes amazing..:) he makes me happy every second of the day that i am with him..there are no bad times with him..hes such an awesome person..i love it! |
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| hating life right nowI wish february would hurry up n get here so will can fuckin see that this is his goddamn kid...im tired of running in circles with him.. he always does this..for awhile he'll want to be around n noe everything that is goin on with him n want to help me do w/e. now hes back in jail for a little while n he hears shit n flips out on me..his cellie is tellin him he had sex with me n i noe goddamn well i didnt fuck this dude...he is fuckin disgusting! now im a trifflin ass cunt n hes gonna have someone punch me in my stomach. i hate this shit n i cant deal with it nemore. im tired of the same shit over n over n over again..i hate it. he is such an asshole n now im stuck with him for ever. i wrote him a letter n told him that if it makes him sleep better that it isnt his if thats what he wanted to hear..i cant do this nemore i cant let him hurt me like this nemore. |
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| Its a fucked up world we're livin inSo i guess life really doesnt get much better than this..my last entry i said will is finally helpin me n everything..but everytime someone asks me why we arent together..i start to wonder..Him n his g/f fight constantly.SHE SPIT IN HIS FACE YESTERDAY. wtf.. b/c he was making a business call...i say that seeing him n her togehter and hanging out with them really doesnt bother me..but you wanna noe the truth.. I HATE IT..i like her i really do..its just i dunno.. when its just me n him..we laugh and have fun and nothin n no one puts us in a bad mood..b/c we just dont give a fuck..but when she is around..he is quiet and reserved..not himself what so ever..and i know hes starting to think about me some type of way b/c he keeps slippin w/ his comments..like the other night he said you aint havin no girl..not yet..i was like yet you act like there is gonna be another one..he was like O word..lol tryin to be all gangster..lol..i gave him a funny look i was like umm no not anytime soon nor in the near future. i hate holding my feelings back..b/c sometimes its seems like im lieing to myself..but right now..isnt a good time..i wish i could just make everything go my way for once..but i have a feeling that once i have this baby..everything will be ok..i hope neways.. |
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| lost and foundWell i most definetly lost bill again...but i see now that its better that way..it was just one more step to me becoming who i need to be...A better and stronger person....Will is finally steppin up n tryin to help me out and stuff..so thats a plus...i have lost all trust and faith that i have ever had nebody..b/c once again..stabbed in the back by the person i considered my closest friend..but thats ok..b/c i know now that i need no one...the only person to hold my own weight is me...and that is the only person u can ever really trust...everything u think u noe..is a lie...and will do u no good in this fucked up world..forget it...learn from ur mistakes and grow..thats all i can say neemore |
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| We both lie silently still
in the dead of the night
Although we both lie close together
We feel miles apart inside
Was it something I said or something I did
Did my words not come out right
Though I tried not to hurt you
Though I tried
But I guess that's why they say
Chorus:
Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorn
Yeah it does
I listen to our favorite song
playing on the radio
Hear the DJ say loves a game of easy come and
easy go
But I wonder does he know
Has he ever felt like this
And I know that you'd be here right now
If I could have let you know somehow
I guess
Chorus
Though it's been a while now
I can still feel so much pain
Like a knife that cuts you the wound heals
but the scar, that scar remains
Solo
I know I could have saved a love that night
If I'd known what to say
Instead of makin' love
We both made our separate ways
But now I hear you found somebody new
and that I never meant that much to you
To hear that tears me up inside
And to see you cuts me like a knife
I guess
Chorus
i need to get out of this fuckin state..i dont noe what happend to us i really really dont...i was talkin to tina today n she said that when we were together i was all he talked about to her..he would tell her he missed me n he wanted to noe if i was comin to see him n all this other shit..n i read back on the first letter he wrote me n it makes me cry....i want that person back. i hate that he is doin this..n that is acting the way he is..this isnt bill..this isnt the person i fell for..but u noe what..that person may never come back n i cant very well sit around n wait for him too...but he is all i think about...all day...all i want to do is sleep. n i start back at mcds tomorrow n that is gonna depress me even more b/c he was there..n i heard all kinds of new shit about him today that made me cringe at the fact that this is what being in jail for so long did to him...i believe that everything he said to me when we were together was the honest truth n that he really did care about me as much as he said he did..but if i could go back n not accept management...i would n maybe things would be different...if i knew i would've cheated on him i would have kept will away. n i wouldnt be pregnant right now..but i would be with bill n possibly be havin his kid in the future when the time was right...i miss him so much even though i noe that we are done b/c he has to grow up all over again......n that the person that once cared about me as much as i do for him...is gone. |
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