isnt_shelovely
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Birthday: 4/10/1987
Gender: Female


Interests: Height:5''7...HW:154...CW:135 ... GW: 116


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Member Since: 4/7/2004

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Saturday, January 08, 2005

I'm leaving xanga.

Good luck to all of you.


Saturday, January 01, 2005

Happy New Year, girls...

Resolutions:
-Stop being such a fucking pig.
-Be a better friend (spend more time with people I care about, stop making plans with friends and breaking them at the last minute, stop hanging up on people when they call).
-Join a gym and start working out.
-Keep my grades up and get into a good university.
-Kick smoking in the ass.
-Try to be happy.

I had a good New Year's Eve. I didn't feel like partying, so my boyfriend came over and we just relaxed all night. He brough his guitar and played, and we listened to music and burned insence and drank champagne. It was all very low-key and exactly what I needed.

Hope you all had a fun night. Happy 2005!


Sunday, December 26, 2004

 


Wednesday, December 22, 2004

I've been really depressed lately... I'm usually fine during the days but at night things get really bad. Same thing with food... I'm fine all day, I make it until dinner time without eating anything, and then I binge at night. I think that's the reason I'm so depressed at night. During the days I get that proud feeling of accomplishment for not eating, but at night I always feel like a failure. Every day I tell myself that tomorrow things are going to change. Tomorrow I will not binge. And every day the same thing happens. I hate feeling like a failure... it's the worst feeling in the world. I've started burning myself again for the first time in months.

I'm just starting to feel like everything is hopeless. Not just me, but the world. You open the paper and all you see are horrible things. A couple of weeks ago an 18-year old was stabbed in his driveway. His younger brother was having a party and he tried to turn away some uninvited guests, and he got stabbed in the heart. A 16 year-old was arrested. This guy, the one who got stabbed, was from a good family... he had a bright future ahead of him and he went to school near where I live. I know kids who went to his school... it's just so weird to think that this could have been someone I knew.

This whole "ana/mia sorrority" thing has gotten to me too. I hate seeing such young girls being lured into eating disorders. I don't think any of them understand what they're getting into. This is exactly how I got into the whole thing and it breaks my heart to see it happening to other people, especially because I know that there's nothing I can do to stop it. I'd leave angry comments but I know that won't change anything... it would only make things worse.

I don't even want to talk about my weight. I'm disgusting.

I'm sorry this entry has been so depressing. I'm just tired of everything. I think it's a seasonal thing... I'm always depressed during the winter. I hate seeing snow and I hate how it gets dark so early... ugh.

I'm going back to bed. Hope you're all doing better than I am.


Saturday, December 11, 2004

I have a cute story. I wanted to share.

My boyfriend and I were walking around today. We went into this little store and they had all of these amazing silver rings. There was one that I loved, but I was really upset because it was expensive and I didn't have a lot of cash on me. I tried to convince myself that it wasn't worth it but all I could think about was that I NEEDED this ring. I decided that I was just going to use my credit card to pay for it. I knew my parents would be mad, but I didn't care. I was in love with this ring. But when I told my bf that I was going to buy it, he talked my out of it. He kept telling me that it wasn't worth it, it was overpriced, my parents would be pissed that I spent so much money on a ring I would never wear, etc... And even though I wanted the ring so badly, deep down I knew he was right. So I decided to forget about it and I went to look around the rest of the store. But all I could think about was that I needed to have it. I know myself... and I know that when I don't buy something that I really want, I regret it forever. I was once in a vintage store and there was this amazing shirt for only $8, and for some reason I decided not to buy it... I've regretted it ever since. This was 3 years ago, and to this day, I still wish I had that shirt. I was not going to make that mistake again. I decided that for once, even though he was probably right, I wasn't going to listen to him. These were one-of-a-kind rings, and I was never going to find another one like it. It's not like I could just go back to the store later and buy it if I changed my mind.... there was only one, and once someone bought it, it was gone forever. I was going to buy that ring and I was going to enjoy it, because I deserve it. So I walk back to where the rings are, ready to take it and go pay for it, and I notice that it's gone. My entire body froze and I just stared at all of the rings for a minute, trying to use my mental powers to bring it back. But it was gone. Someone had bought it while I was looking around the rest of the store. I was furious. I couldn't believe that I had listened to him. He had no idea what he was talking about, he didn't understand how much I liked the ring, and now, because of him, I could never have it. So I found him and told him I was ready to go and we left the store. I must have been really cold and distant because he sensed that something was wrong. So I told him that I wanted the ring and now it was gone and it was all his fault. He said he was sorry and it was just a ring and it's probably better off that someone else took it because now I wasn't going to waste my money on something I didn't need. So we walked around a bit more, and I was being really bitchy to him the whole time, and then we went into this coffee shop and sat down. And he goes, "I'm sorry about the ring." And I'm like, "Yeah, so am I." And he goes, "It's too bad you missed it." And I just got even more angry... this was all his fault and he kept bringing it up and rubbing it in and making me feel worse... and I could tell that he was doing it on purpose. And then he smiled, and that just made me even more angry. I was overflowing with rage at this point. And I go, "Would you mind explaining to me what you find so amusing?"

And he tells me to give him my hand.

And he turns my hand upside-down so my palm is facing up.

And he reaches into his pocket and puts the ring in my hand.

I melted. It was the cutest thing anyone has ever done for me. And he was like, "I could tell how much you liked it but I couldn't let you pay all that money for it... They have all of those expensive rings just sitting there out in the open, they were almost asking for someone to take one." After the initial shock and I-love-you's and you're-so-sweet's, I go, "Promise me you'll never steal again", and he goes, "I can't... you know I would do anything for you."

I am so in love.



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