Those funny folks at Townhall
I'm going to intrude a bit on world of craps turf and check in on Townhall where they have a wonderful piece called "What would America be like if Gay marriages were validated?". So today, i'm going to delve into my playwright abilities and bring you this little melodrama based on this article. Since "What would America be like if gay marriage were validated" isn't a grabber of a title, I have changed it. So sit right back as Washing the Blog presents.......
 The Homo's Ate My Baby. A play.
Cast of Characters:
Bill: Father.
Linda: Mother.
Lucy: Daughter
Bob: Brother
Reverend Jack: Pastor
Legal Disclaimer:
Heterosexuals who are married may not wish to read or watch this play. This play deals with Homosexual marriage and as such, MAY cause your marriage to fail. Washing the Blog is NOT responsible for any failing marriage as a result of watching or reading this play. The following people should not watch or read this play: Pregnant women, nursing mothers, children under the age of 18, anyone under 5'-0" in height, sensitive dogs, cats, or other animals which may have homosexual tendencies, and monkeys. Thank you.
The text from the original article is shown in blue for the convince of the reader.
Act 1, scene 1, (Social Chaos Starts):
McGuire believes that if gay marriage is adopted, "5,000 years of civilization will be affected." He realistically predicts that there will not only be a social chaos from such a trend, but legal validation will also result in "a moral anarchy" in our social climate.
We open with a mother (Linda) and her daughter (Lucy, age 6) sitting at the kitchen table, it's a Saturday morning and Lucy is eating her cereal (Captain Crunch). Linda is reading the newspaper, her husband Bill is reading the bible.
Linda (to Bill): It's such a nice Saturday, I wish we could go to the park
Lucy: What's a park mommy?
Linda: Well, it's a place where's there's grass and swings. At least it used to be that way, before we legalized homosexual marriage.
Bill (to lucy): They shut down all of the parks right after they legalized homosexual marriage and the machines took over. Now we have to stay in our homes. We can't go out or the sodomites will get us.
Lucy: What's a sodomite?
Bill: They're homosexuals that God will smite for causing the moral decline of this country. Just look at the next door neighbors, the Smiths. Remember when their son Bobby robbed the Blockbuster and stole all of their gay porn? That's because of the homosexuals. And their daughter broke into the school at night and went swimming in their underwear with that bad boy who drove the motorcycle, and danced around the halls? That's because the homosexuals destroyed morality.
Linda: They used to be such a nice family.
Lucy: I want some cheese.
Linda: Not now honey.
Act 1, Scene 2 (Lucy begins to get confused):
McGuire believes a future including gay marriage usurps the traditional components of a union between a husband and a wife. "Social studies confirm that children do best when you have [both] a mom and a dad," the radio host says, adding that "psychological fallout will result" when society confuses its inhabitants by changing a social order (traditional marriage) that has been the cornerstone for every major civilization since the beginning of man.
Lucy: Mommy, when is the bus coming to pick me up for school?
Linda: You don't have school today honey, it's Saturday.
Lucy: Where should I put my cereal?
Linda: You put your cereal in your mouth
Lucy: What's a mouth?
Linda: It's the thing you chew with
Lucy: I want some cheese.
Linda: Not now honey.
Act 1, scene 3, (Enter corruption of Heterosexual Corruption):
McGuire is convinced that many citizens who have recently decided to support gay marriage "have not thought things through to the logical conclusion." He sees a society "where there is no need to have any committed relationships" and where homosexual activists will "corrupt heterosexual [marriage] in an effort to make homosexual relationships legitimate."
(Breakfast is done and Linda is putting away the dishes, Bill is now reading the paper.)
Linda: Hey Bill, can you bring me the cereal bowl?
Bill: I mowed the lawn this morning, i'm tired.
Linda: But, it's right there, just hand it to me and i'll be done.
Bill: Damnit Woman! My mother did the dishes, her mother did the dishes, and her mother did the dishes. I'm sorry, but doing the dishes is a womans job. I mow the lawn, fix things 1/2 ass around the house, and get drunk on Friday night. Don't change the formula.
Linda: All I want is a little help (runs from the kitchen crying)
Bill: (Pounds fist on the table) DAMN HOMOSEXUALS!!!
Act 2, Scene 1, (Normal-Smormal):
Randy Thomasson is the executive director for Campaign for California Families, one of the few political action groups that is legally resisting gay marriage in Sacramento. If homosexual marriage is validated, Thomasson sees a future "where children as young as kindergarten are taught that two men in bed is normal."
(It's Saturday night, Lucy is watching her Barney tape, holding her teddy bear, suddenly, she hears a noise, and gets up to go find out where it's coming from, she wanders into her parents bedroom. Her father is in the room with his brother Bob, they're installing a new curtain rod above the bed. Bill is standing on the bed holding the left end, Bob is standing on the floor struggling to raise his end high enough to be level with bills, the bed is between them).
Bill: A little higher Bob
Bob: I can't raise it high enough (struggling).........here, let me get on the bed, then you screw your end in.
Bill: NO BOB DON'T!!!
(Bob gets on the bed with Bill, raising his end of the rod up level with Bills)
Bob: There.
(Lucy runs from the room crying).
Bill: Darnit Bob. Two men CAN'T be on the bed at the same time.
Bob: I....I......
 Act 3, Scene 1, (Resistance is futile):
With the Democratically controlled legislature in his state already enacting laws that actively seek to enforce hate crimes (as liberals define them), Thomasson is concerned that "churches will be forced to marry homosexual couples." Resistance from pastors could result in lawsuits, criminal charges, and hate crime prosecution. Thomasson can see a future where churches "will lose their religious freedom ... and their tax-free status" if pastors take a stand and refuse to marry homosexual couples.
(It's Sunday morning, Linda, Bill and Lucy have decided to go to the 8:30 service. They usually go to the 10:30 service and then to Denny's, but because of the two men in a bed incident the night before, Linda has decided Lucy needed to get to church as quickly as possible.)
Linda: (Whispering to Bill). What were you thinking! Allowing her to see that! Bob can NEVER come to the house again. NEVER!!
Bill: He wasn't thinking. He doesn't have kids, he didn't realize.
Linda: Well, he's banned! I never want him around my child again. I only hope that she can get over the trauma.
(Reverend speaks)
Reverend Jack: The machine overlords have required that I make the following announcements: Congratulations to Jeff and Jason, they were married by me yesterday. Congratulations also to Frank and his Dog Rex, I married them as well. I was forced to marry them at gun point.
Also, the supreme liberal commander has added an 11th commandment "Pay thy Taxes". Please note, after the service there will be punch and cookies in the basement. Now let's sing "All hail the Democrats", hymn 110.
Lucy: I want cheese mommy.
Act 4, Scene 1, (Embarrased):
Gary Cass is pastor of West Hills Christian Fellowship in El Cajon, California, and a trustee of the Grossmont School District. Cass is convinced that gay marriage will lead to "trivializing" traditional marriage and will undermine society as a result. "As we have already seen in Europe, people are now embarrassed to be called married," the pastor observes. And while there are exceptions, he notes that in Europe there is "an apostate Christian Church and a secularized immoral government." Without God, Cass says, "there is no objective moral standards that are above the feelings of law makers."
(Linda and Lucy are at the supermarket buying groceries, a woman approaches her)
Woman: What's that on your finger, a ring?
Linda (slightly embarrassed), why, yes....it is.
Woman: You're MARRIED!!!??!!! YOU'RE A LOSER!!!!!!
Linda: Uh, no I'm not married, uh...the ring is my mothers....uh, she wasn't married either, it's uh, uh a family heirloom.
Woman: Then who are you buying that magazine "Sportsman" for? Your husband?
Linda: Uh, no. Uh, my father. Uh, I still live with my parents.
Woman: Hmm....(she looks at Linda suspiciously, then walks away).
(Linda quickly goes down the aisle, takes her ring off and puts it in her purse).
Lucy: Look mommy, cheese.
Act 5, Scene 1 (Bizarre):
Once an institution that has survived thousands of years of civilization has been broken, every type of lifestyle will seek to be confirmed no matter how bizarre its consequences. Perhaps this is why homosexual activists have now so deeply identified themselves with their support for transgender causes.
(5 months later, Saturday morning. Bills and Linda's marriage is strained and it's obvious on their faces. Linda is reading the paper, Bob is reading Hustler. Lucy, confused by homosexuality has lost many of her motor skills, including speech and is trying to put spoonfuls of Captain Crunch into her ear.)
Linda: (reading from paper). Did you see where James Jacobs divorced his wife and married a beagle?
Bill: hmmm
Linda: Oh, and that Thompson boy has married his Dalmation. Isn't that nice. They've been dating for a long time now.
Bill: Hmmmm.
Linda: And look, that Meyers girl married her lawn sprinkler. Can you do that now?
Bill: Yes you can. Last weekend a guy from the office married his lawnmower, but was chopped to pieces on his honeymoon. Linda, there's something i've been meaning to tell you.........I......I want a divorce. I've decided I want to be gay.
Linda: What?
Bill: Yes. I'm turning gay. Starting today.
Linda: Oh Bill.....I don't know what to say....I'm heartbroken...goodbye Bill.
Bill: Goodbye Linda, goodbye Lucy.
Lucy (drooling): Balehedggg, beurlllyhnb.....cheese...
Bill: Thanks honey.
The End | 
