This week a new group has formed, consisting of veterans who have questioned John Kerry's record as a swift boat captain. So, to be 'fair and balanced', our staff of writers, draft dodgers, and three angry woodpeckers have formed our own political action committee to directly challenge the left wing media's (Darn Mike Moore!) assertion that Bush was a 'draft dodger'. We call it....
Draft Dodgers For The Truth
About Us:
Draft Dodgers For the Truth is a tax exempt NON-PARTISAN, did you read that? Here, let's write it again.....NON-PARTISAN, as in we don't take sides (wink,wink) group. Did we say we're non-partisan??
Mission:
We, as draft dodgers see irregularities in George Bush's draft dodging record. We have gathered many, many other draft dodgers from all over the country to show that not only is George Bush unfit to be called a draft dodger, but he's darn near a hero of the Vietnam war!!!
Points of contention in George Bush's draft dodging record
Chance, while less than 1%, still could have been deployed to Vietnam
Bush COULD have gone to Vietnam. He was in the National Guard, and, although there was a slim, slim, slim, almost non-existent, shot in the dark, one in a million, better chance of getting struck by lightning chance that he would have gone, there was still a chance. Had he gone he would have been right in the shit as they say. No self respecting draft dodger would even allow even a CHANCE of going over there.
Pictures tell it all
There are pictures of Bush in a flight uniform. Let's compare and contrast.....
Can you tell who the draft dodger is?
The photo on the right, obviously. The photo on the left is George Bush.
Does he look like a draft dodger?? Of course not. He wasn't. What you can't see in his photo is that over his left shoulder is a Viet Cong soldier. Right after this photo was snapped, Bush killed that Viet Cong solder with his bare hands. Thus PROVING he's not a draft dodger.
Fighting tooth decay
Bush showed up for a dentist appointment at his National Guard unit to fight tooth decay. We know it's not the same as fighting the Viet Cong, but it SHOWS that he's a fighter. A scraper as some may say. A TRUE draft dodger wouldn't have gone for the dentist appointment. There was a chance that he COULD have gotten called up while he was sitting on that chair.
He stands his ground
Bush didn't go to Canada: No self respecting draft dodger stays in the US. Enough said.
His words are too scary
Bush has used expressions like "Bring Em On", "Dead or Alive" and "Crusade". Not only is it courageous to say these things in this climate of fear, but he also said them IN the White House surrounded by a mere 100 secret service agents in the heart of Washington DC.
Damn brave if you ask me?? But, what do I know, I'm a draft dodger. Besides the expressions are simply too scary!!! No self respecting draft dodger would engage the enemy. Only a true hero would.
First line of defense
It has been well documented that the Viet Cong never made it past the Mississippi River. But HAD the Viet Cong made it past the Mississippi, Bush would have been there to defend the Western United States. THE RISK WAS SIMPLY TOO GREAT to consider him a draft dodger. He should have been in Canada growing mushrooms, or burning his bra in Washington.
Too much courage on September 11th
George Bush did several things on September 11th consistent with 'hero' traits rather than Draft Dodging. Below are just a few examples:
- With nerves of steel, Bush continued to read a book about Goats to kids (no pun intended) while the country was being attacked
- Bush heroically flew to Nebraska knowing full well the Cornhuskers hate the Longhorns!
- Bush BRAVELY went into an underground bunker and
- Courageously talked to Dick Cheney's bunker via a secure videophone that COULD, COULD have been traced by terrorists from caves in Afghanistan.
Work Horse
He has taken only 500 (over 40%) vacation days to relieve himself of the stress of being a "war president". A true draft dodger would have taken much more, probably 90%. To tell you the truth, the guy is a workhorse.
Big Picture Guy
Bush is a big picture guy and lets his underlings to the real grunt work. A draft dodger is more involved in the little things like reading Presidential daily briefs, memos and making sure the government is running correctly. A real hero trusts his comrades and gives carte blanche to meet their objectives, just like in Vietnam.
Coke Vs Pot
Bush was more of a coke-head than a pot head. This was always a bone of contention in the 60's and we used to stay up late arguing about it. Draft dodgers were typically pot-heads. Coke heads were more upscale than us pot-heads during that time because coke was too expensive. In the late 70's coke became cheaper than pot so everyone was doing it, but in the early 70's coke was definitely a rich boy drug and we all know rich boys weren't draft dodgers.
Summary
So there you have it, many, many reasons not to call Bush a draft dodger. The man is a hero pure and simple. John Kerry on the other hand should return his three purple hearts, Bronze star, silver star and other numerous metals because he's unqualified to be commander in chief. Oh, and if you want to read a good article about the people behind the smear-boat, read this.
In case you can't tell, this is a spoof. We're not serious. Kind of like the Swift Boat group. | 
