Currently Playing Rockin' the Suburbs By Ben Folds Fired see related

(Hi Kids! I call you kids because that's what you are... young goats.  I honestly hope that some of you are ready to laugh at yourselves, because this is, I must be honest, an attack somewhat on myself, but mostly on my friends.  Enjoy!)

A Guide to Music Snobbery

There are many ways to show that you are better than the average; having a nice car, a trophy wife, a large house, a butler etc… Unfortunately for us college students, none of those are economically feasible, so we must find other ways.  You can demonstrate your intellectual prowess by using big words and mentioning the names of books that you have read while conversing with a layman, but you run the risk of the layman thinking that you are a nerd, and that he is, in fact, better than you.  You can wear semi-trendy clothes from the thrift store, making sure that everyone knows that you shop at the thrift store and are, therefore, trendy and frugal at the same time.  But you run the risk of others thinking that you actually bought your clothes at American Eagle or A&F, seeing as their clothes are styled after those found in the thrift store, and therefore thinking that you are a teeny-bopper, rich bastard who uses Daddy’s money to shop at designer clothing outlets.  You also run the risk of going to the thrift store and finding jack-squat, there by leaving you no cooler than when you went in.  These risks are too many and too great for most, so they have to turn to something else; music snobbery.  Music snobbery can be summed up into the liking of a single genre (if one can call it that) that is described by one word: indie.  Not indie enough that no one has ever heard of what you like, but indie enough that it's not hugely popular.  If one of your favorite bands is so obscure that very few have ever heard of it, then you can’t share the joy of your music snobbery with your fellow snobs.  If a band is too popular, then you are not above the common man, so the key is finding the middle.  You want to look for a band that most people have heard of, but very few have actually heard.  Such bands are Interpol, Mew, Guster, and Wilco.  In order to truly revel in your snobbery, you must bring these bands up in conversation, talking about their subtle nuances, poetic lyrics and musical skill, all the while watching, with glee, the face of the fellow with whom you are conversing.  You should see a spark of recognition at the name of your favorite indie band, and then confusion as they feel that they might have confused the band that you mentioned with another, then envy as you discuss how wonderful said band is, and then blank looks as you say “Oh, you must have heard this one!” as you rattle off their various “hits.”  It should bring you joy because you know that you are on a level somewhere above that person.  When you are driving in your car with someone, you must play the music and then mock the person’s dislike of your tastes, calling him or her a cretin and the like.  After all, you are high class society, anyone who disagrees with you must not be enlightened.  You must also, of course, attend your favorite band's shows occasionally, to demonstrate that you truly are devoted to them.  Finally, you must round out your collection with some classics.  Pink Floyd, Jimi Hendrix, Cat Stevens, and Bob Dylan should suffice.  These are there to show that you have an appreciation for history and that you are descended from the great snobs of yesteryear.  There are, of course, some bands which you may absolutely not have in your collection.  Religious bands, most hardcore, pop-rap, and pop in general.  You should abhor these things, they are a blight on culture, keeping music from what it should be (what you listen to).  So there you have it.  Spend about $100 on CD’s, force yourself to like crappy bands and you are a music snob.  As easy as pie.