America's Worst Mother™--stolen!

TBogg usually covers the bi-weekly installments of this publication, but since it appears that he's getting tired of it, I'm going to try my hand at reviewing it this week.

If you're unfamiliar with America's Worst Mother™, she earned that lofty title (from TBogg) by writing the most horrifying stories about her daily life with her children. (And if you're wondering about all the adjectives, I made the mistake of reading her column before writing my own. Dear god, it seems to be contagious.)

This week, Mummy starts out by yawning a lot. (She must have read some of her earlier stuff to get in the writing mood. Rumor has it that one more article would have sent her into a coma.) Then she and Daddy have a conversation about a sick relative in--GASP!--Europe and their lame attempt at informing the children by telling them that she has "stomach trouble". Surely,  it will be a surprising development to Mummy when the relative dies of "stomach trouble" and the kids freak out the next time she tells them she has a stomach ache. (Although, they will have to decipher her ailment from how she describes it--a "boo-boo tum-tum".)

Then the kids start a guessing game about what the Dear Relative could have swallowed to give her "stomach troubles". Thankfully, they must have already forgotten all the things their parents told them about the evil Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky.

Paris, the eldest boy child, gets grossed out when frogs are brought up and makes fun of French people for eating them--and snails. This fish in the barrel is the one TBogg shot and framed above his mantle.

Apparently, the mere mention of eating snails is so disgusting to Mummy that she cannot even finish drinking her OJ. You'd think with three young children--at least one of whom is a boy (it's hard to tell from the names)--that Mummy would have a stronger stomach.

The word "disapora" is then used to describe cleaning the kitchen. I looked up that word using the Miriam-Webster Online dictionary, but they could not find a definition for that word. I chose the next closest word, by spelling, which was "diaspora" and got the following definition:

a : the breaking up and scattering of a people : MIGRATION <the black diaspora to northern cities> b : people settled far from their ancestral homelands <African diaspora> c : the place where these people live

I'm not really sure what Mummy means by this, but at least the table got clean. I think Mummy really needs to finish her OJ, since that's where she put the ground-up Xanax.

Then Violet, Phoebe and Paris play a pretend game with Hitler under the piano. I think Violet speaks for all of us when she says "And then I woke up."