sigh.

what a whirlwind, eh?

goodness gracious.

whew.

anyone else MUCHO CONFUSED?!  cuz i certainly am.

never thought i'd be in this kinda situation.  ohhh well.  i suppose there are worse situations to be in.  but h e a r t b r e a k  can be killer.  what to do, what to do.

i guess its not really a question of what to do, cuz i know what i need to do and what i want to do.  it's just a question of getting the guts to do it.

i had fun tonight.  but i dont think it's what i want.  and that really stinks.

this is hard.

why can't i make you understand?  i don't blame you for not understanding... it's just frustrating that i can't make you.

i don't like this very much.  but it'll all be ok.  right now, i'm just happy living like i am. 

who knew being in highschool was going to suck so bad.

wouldn't it be easier if i could just be mad?  why is it that when YOU fall down, i think it's nessicary for ME to pick you back up?  Why doesn't this all just go away.

Yeah, maybe I would be happier if things were different than they are.  But i can't know.  because i can't make it any different than it is, and apperantly God doesn't want it that way.  I've stopped worrying about it.  That doesn't make it hurt any less.

This doesn't make sense to me.  Why can i let people hurt me so badly and not be mad?  I'm upset.  I'm hurting.  I'm trying to understand this.  I'm trying to be mad.  But i can't.  why?  No one is supposed to have this kind of hold of me except God.

My heart is mending. It was getting so much better.  I was on the verge of something great again.  But it's not whole again yet, and the wounds won't heal.  It just keeps tearing.

Why can't this be easier. Why can't I just be MAD?

I wish i knew how to get my emotions out without writing about them.

four words :: 

sexy man kenny chesney

oh baby :)

man do i love summertime