izarc's Xanga

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 11:07:38 GMT

今晚, 返左祈禱會.....本來也不知返唔返好, 因為無組員返.....不過最後還是返了.....畢竟上個月有時間也不返, 其實是在逃避那種"一個人返祈禱會的不自然感", 這次不想再避了.......不想因為組員返而返, 不想為習慣而返, 不想因為"應該返"而返.......想找到返祈禱會的目的......

牧師說到的五把鎖, 想起來自己或多或少全部都有吧.....壓制, 宗教, 孤立, 瞎眼, 控訴 (好像是這幾個吧....沒有drop notes....).....所以後面祈禱的時候, 不論別人為我禱告或是自己祈禱時都"很有感覺"....不知怎麼說.....

不過.....我想說.................我不是Gen X呀......

雜記

Sat, 05 Jan 2008 12:09:54 GMT

可以不用中文打嗎?....my cellmates told me to type in chinese, but there are many things that I want to type....one more time in English, OK?....

today went to BBQ with cellmates, end up only 6 ppl came. We went to 小欖燒烤樂園 at around 12:30 and bbq there until 10pm. The food is quite good and the price is ok. While extra drinks need to be bought, they are not very expensive. Anyway we just talked and talked and talked during the bbq, and at the end ate a lot of "many spring fish"....

just msn with martin, and he said that the event info today was finalized too late (and yes, it was finalized very late last night), so he proposed to go again next week, ie. 12/1....the detail is as follow:
BBQ @ 12 / 1
地點：　小欖燒烤樂園
集合時間：11 30 am or 1 00 pm
入場FEE: $78 / 人 , 開爐費(SHARE)
集合地點: 中央圖書館 , 962 巴士( 車程: 1 hr 左右)
any one interested may contact martin or me

http://mono1.myftp.org:8080/_TEST/20070112_BBQ.htm

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originally should post it yesterday, but no time to do so......

yesterday read a verse of psalm during 靈修, and it attracted me enough to make me read the bible instead of newspaper in MTR.....

詩篇 31

1 （大衛的詩，交與伶長。）耶和華啊，我投靠你；求你使我永不羞愧；憑你的公義搭救我！

2 求你側耳而聽，快快救我！作我堅固的磐石，拯救我的保障！

3 因為你是我的巖石，我的山寨；所以，求你為你名的緣故引導我，指點我。

4 求你救我脫離人為我暗設的網羅，因為你是我的保障。

5 我將我的靈魂交在你手裡；耶和華誠實的　神啊，你救贖了我。

6 我恨惡那信奉虛無之　神的人；我卻倚靠耶和華。

7 我要為你的慈愛高興歡喜；因為你見過我的困苦，知道我心中的艱難。

8 你未曾把我交在仇敵手裡；你使我的腳站在寬闊之處。

9 耶和華啊，求你憐恤我，因為我在急難之中；我的眼睛因憂愁而乾癟，連我的身心也不安舒。

10 我的生命為愁苦所消耗；我的年歲為歎息所曠廢。我的力量因我的罪孽衰敗；我的骨頭也枯乾。

11 我因一切敵人成了羞辱，在我的鄰舍跟前更甚；那認識我的都懼怕我，在外頭看見我的都躲避我。

12 我被人忘記，如同死人，無人記念；我好像破碎的器皿。

13 我聽見了許多人的讒謗，四圍都是驚嚇；他們一同商議攻擊我的時候，就圖謀要害我的性命。

14 耶和華啊，我仍舊倚靠你；我說：你是我的　神。

15 我終身的事在你手中；求你救我脫離仇敵的手和那些逼迫我的人。

16 求你使你的臉光照僕人，憑你的慈愛拯救我。

17 耶和華啊，求你叫我不致羞愧，因為我曾呼籲你；求你使惡人羞愧，使他們在陰間緘默無聲。

18 那撒謊的人逞驕傲輕慢，出狂妄的話攻擊義人；願他的嘴啞而無言。

19 敬畏你、投靠你的人，你為他們所積存的，在世人面前所施行的恩惠是何等大呢！

20 你必把他們藏在你面前的隱密處，免得遇見人的計謀；你必暗暗地保守他們在亭子裡，免受口舌的爭鬧。

21 耶和華是應當稱頌的，因為他在堅固城裡向我施展奇妙的慈愛。

22 至於我，我曾急促地說：我從你眼前被隔絕。然而，我呼求你的時候，你仍聽我懇求的聲音。

23 耶和華的聖民哪，你們都要愛他！耶和華保護誠實人，足足報應行事驕傲的人。

24 凡仰望耶和華的人，你們都要壯膽，堅固你們的心！

it was like the scripture was answering some of my recent questions......

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there was something that I think I should write a bit here....about what happened at last thurs night.....

first of all, I didnt "plan" to be late to cell....according to my planning, there was enough time for me to have dinner and get back to church BEFORE cell started, just that I missed the bus and there was no bus for a long time....so at the end I was late....

but this is not the main point.....the problem is my attitude, an attitude that "I dont mind being late for cell at all"....which I expressed clearly during my phone conversation with Johnny when I was still waiting bus...

I did ask myself why I would have such attitude, and why do I go to cell every week? for what?...

maybe because my feeling in cell has changed......before leaving 青少年部 there was a time I felt that cell was giving me a home-like warmth, a feeling that I enjoyed very much, then when in 偉廉組 (and later 仲仁組) I still felt that cell was important, I was willing to pray for my cellmates, to pray for the cell, to start 守望 others, to become 核心 of the cell......but then, what is it now? mostly habit, some responsibility, tiny bits of other things.....no longer expecting to be touched in worship, no longer expecting deep sharing in the 4th w.....

terrible? yes i know......i know cell is not about 人多人少, and of course not about feeling and emotion.....but anyway it is such change of feeling that also changed my attitude to cell.....

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maybe I should stop now....need to sleep soon...

new mobile phone....

Thu, 20 Dec 2007 08:40:52 GMT

Just come home from office's christmas party.....according to what I heard from my colleague, this year's party is the "cheapest" one.....we only had our party in office this year, while last year we were in a hotel, well....for a company that has nearly gone bankrupt this year, having a party is already a good thing.....

I was writing about this (such a party is what I would consider minor...) because....I got a new mobile phone during the lucky draw.....the 2nd prize from what I know, a nokia 6120c.....but my problem is.....I dont really have a use for a new mobile phone........to be honest I would rather got the NDS rather than this.....

after the party I walked to central to watch that "christmas tree"......a lot smaller than the one last year, and less people there, but then it makes me feel more calm and peaceful....maybe I will walked to there again tomorrow after work

recent status

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 10:07:14 GMT

It's a long time since i last write something about myself.....so here it goes..

after all the laziness and delaying, I finally completed my tax return.....after being late for 1.5 weeks......anyway, with my tiny income I dont have to pay tax after counting all the allowance....

today finally have the mood to go online and checked why my mobile phone bill was so expensive (something that I should have done many months ago)....turn out it was because of all those 試用服務 that is long since its trial period....so I must phone to customer service to cut all those services within these few days.....again, the consequence of my laziness....

yesterday went to watched 神探, quite interesting, though the ending is quite 'unexpected'.....to be honest there are many films that I was interested in watching recently, eg. 魔間傳奇 and 投名狀.....but then, according to my 'tradition', it is a miracle that I will really go to watch any one of them......with the exception of LotR, Narnia and Star Wars, I have never been too excited in watching a film......if not others were organizing, I dont even think I would watch 神探....

seems like we have not been having cell for a REALLY long time......last cell was before I went to Japan, which is more than a month before.....

last last sunday my grandma had her 洗禮 in Chaiwan.....well, I have not been expecting this before, so was quite surprised when my aunt told me about it.......to be honest, never had expected so many things would happen in these 2 years.......my grandpa had his 洗禮 in hospital before he passed away, then my grandma went to church, and now she is also 洗禮ed.....for me, it is quite a miraculous thing in my family, though most of my relatives are quite negative about it (they are non-christians after all...) (btw, is 洗禮 also baptism in english?)

recently finally restart my 靈修 again.....I think I have not been doing that for about half a year already.....how long can I keep this time? I dont really know....but at this moment I dont want to think too negative about it, since it is not use to predict on what you cannot predict actually....

last week my manager talked to me for a looooong time.....mainly telling me that while I will most probably still get employed by the company, I should really start to think about my career.....He told me what paths I may consider, and what may I try, and such things......to be honeset I know it is the best oppotunity to rethink what I should really do, to replan my career path, just that I am too lazy to do so. But he is right, if I keep doing nothing and stay here...yes I will still get employed, but it will be too late when I want to change several years later.......well, while my manager is very very 煩, he is really a good person....

that's it, at this moment...

黃金羅盤

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 08:13:17 GMT

首先, 我沒看過它的小說......

這是很久之前在路西法地獄找到的資料......

作者：朱學恆

被當作童書看待的非童書：黑暗元素三部曲

──如果死後沒有天堂，宗教全是虛偽的蜜糖？

　　是死後的天堂、美麗的來生讓殉教的烈士們能夠含笑面對競技場的猛獅，或無畏的在釘輪上滾下山丘。但是，萬一這一切全都是騙局呢？萬一不論何教何派，死後只有永無止盡的折磨，現世的人該怎麼辦？
　　這是黑暗元素三部曲中探討的主題之一，但也足以象徵整個作品向基督教宣戰的風格。黑暗的原力總是誘人，這樣的作品挑戰權威，也讓人更感興趣。對奇幻文學稍有研究的人就會發現，如果從寫作風格和作品來看，菲力普‧普曼抱持的態度正好與C.S.路易斯相反，而黑暗元素三部曲也正如同納尼亞年代紀的黑暗面。但是，兩部作品也同樣都因為作者文以載道的額外包袱，而在經典傳世之作的門檻外徘徊。
　　路易斯是著名的護教文學家，納尼亞年代紀雖然也是跟魔戒同時期誕生的作品，但其中許多情節都有濃厚的聖經意味，相較於好友托爾金的多神世界，納尼亞不免顯得說教意味太過濃厚。書中的孩子竟然必須透過死亡來獲得救贖，讓許多讀者熱淚盈眶，但也是普曼大為批判的一點。因此，普曼所選擇的就是從另一個角度、另一種看法來衝撞現實的世界。
　　「……我過去曾是個修女，你看，我認為物理會替神帶來榮耀，後來我發現天底下根本沒有神，而物理也有趣多了。基督教是個相當強大而有說服力的錯誤，僅止於此。」---「琥珀望遠鏡」，物理學家瑪麗。

量子力學與聖經
　　貫串黑暗元素三部曲的世界設定是平行世界和多重宇宙的概念，前者脫胎於時光旅行，後者則是來自量子力學。除了我們的宇宙之外，可能還存在著其它無數個宇宙，而在無窮大的數量下，不管機率再怎麼小，都會出現和我們的世界類似，但不完全相同的世界。對於讀者來說，探究這其中的不同和相異之處就是這類小說最有趣的地方。
　　黃金羅盤一開始發生在英國牛津，但隨著劇情的進展，平行世界的魅力漸漸浮現，這個世界雖然和我們的地球有許多類似的地方，但其實並不是同一個宇宙。黃金羅盤中似乎是個沒有法國大革命，全世界仍由教廷主導的地球。在這個世界中的文明走上了不同的道路，人們擁有接近於二十世紀的科技，但卻又同時在玄學上相當先進，女巫、秘法依舊存在；而在這個世界中的基礎物理被稱作實驗神學，也是一種彰顯上帝運作自有其律法的學問。主角是名叫萊拉的少女，她最大的優點就是擅於毫不猶豫的欺騙別人，而她的父母對故事中的神秘物質：「塵」抱持著完全相反的看法，一方想要毀滅這象徵人類天性的外來物，一方則是想要消滅神人霸權，推翻神國。歷史的浪潮就在這兩派的角力之間開始。

第二次伊甸園放逐歷史重演
　　故事中最重要的一個象徵就是「塵」，它在我們的世界中被稱為黑暗物質，也就是宇宙中充斥各處，卻又無法觀測到的神秘物質。在普曼的筆下，這就是人類原罪的象徵。在此，普曼所持的觀點也正是筆者本身相當認同的看法：原罪所代表的是人類的慾望和熱情，對知識的渴求正是當初亞當與夏娃被逐出伊甸園的原因。人之所以為人，正是因為這熊熊的熱情和自主意識；各種禁慾的宗教教條都不啻於泯滅人性，在這個年代是種太過老土的過時想法。這類的想法理所當然的會遭致擁有深厚基督教背景的文化排斥和批評，但是，在台灣這個大樹公和佛祖可以擺在一起的宗教共和國，這根本不是什麼了不得的話題。
　　黑暗物質三部曲好不好看？筆者不需要長篇大論的說明，只需要簡單明瞭的兩個字：好看。但前提必須是讀者不把這本書當作童書、也不當作文以載道的寓言。對於西方的讀者來說，從小在基督教的氣氛包圍之下，閱讀這樣的作品會有額外的衝擊；但是，對於有著隔閡的台灣讀者來說，年紀太小的讀者沒有這樣的文化背景，固然還是可以享受到流暢的故事，但卻無法體認到神國與人性、宗教審判與邪惡掛勾的黑暗層面；因此，若是對基督教沒有初步瞭解的年幼讀者，恐怕沒有辦法享受到三部曲真正的意涵，這點母寧是有點可惜的。而讀者如果抱持著想要從中學到教訓的嚴肅態度閱讀這部作品，恐怕也就無法輕鬆的進入書中的平行世界，實際體會一下宗教主導的世界會是什麼樣的狀況，從而認同作者的推演。如果你有宗教的包袱，不停的和作者論辯是個相當疲倦的過程，若非樂在其中，讀者還是不要輕易涉入其中為宜。
　　筆者可以認同普曼從兒童讀者切入，灌輸天堂共和國、活在當下概念的苦心。但是，書中那個還有宗教法庭、每個人都擁有守護精靈、武裝熊和女巫交戰地球卻更讓筆者神往；如果不是因為將讀者鎖定為兒童，這必定還可以是更壯闊的史詩誕生的源頭。而這種在兒童文學和廣義的奇幻文學之間擺盪的問題，也是作者和讀者長久以來的困擾；哈利波特讓紐約時報破例開闢了兒童文學排行榜，普曼則是直接挑戰兒童文學和青少年文學之間的藩籬，或許，對台灣來說這也是讓我們思索兒童文學和奇幻文學之間彼此重疊卻又似有差異的模糊地帶的機會吧！

日本之旅

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 06:21:14 GMT

finally come back from Japan, so tired that I hid in my bed for the whole day today.....

many things did happened during the trip, let's see if I will have enough energy to write about it later today.....and let's see if I will have the honesty to write what I really feel....

殘念......

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 13:20:20 GMT

好想睇"Amazing Grace"好想睇"Amazing Grace"好想睇"Amazing Grace"好想睇"Amazing Grace".........

不過落畫了................................

One more week...

Sun, 04 Nov 2007 11:56:40 GMT

One more week and I will be going to Japan, but still there are so many preparations not yet done at all....

not yet borrow digital camera (and yes...I dont have one myself...)
not yet exchange yen at bank
not yet had all the trip details planned, especially the day at 登別
not yet prepared the packing of clothes and such
not yet bought travel insurance
not yet.....

start to worry about the trip now....

anyway....at least we wont be sleeping at streets at 札幌....

-------------------------------------------------------

my computer was down again....this time it is the display card problem.....ie. I need to buy a new display card again, but what card should I buy....I dunno.....after all this computer is an old one, so I dont think I will buy a very new type of display card for it, but then how "old" a card should I buy?.....

at least.....thanks God that He listened to my prayer....now my computer can still operate and have internet and email and such, just no games......

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 22:11:44 GMT

the camp was actually quite a suprise for me, with my (non-existence) expectation.....not the sort of super-touching gathering, but there were many little but interesting things here and there during the camp (more on that later as I am at office now...)

Friday, October 26, 2007

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 23:59:01 GMT

about to go to 區退修營....to be honest, not much to expect...what will happen in the camp? who knows....

recently I was very tired, always wishing to sleep (maybe except when I am before the computer...)....especially during worship...at least the last 2 worships I slept at the end...one is during cell on thur, the other is during service yesterday night....in both cases the atmosphere is good, and yet I still fell asleep....maybe I am really too tired, or having too little sleep.....

finally bought nwn2:motb, after going to wanchai 188 around 10 times to see if it is out.....but the interesting thing is...I am too used to what I "used to do".....the case was: there were 2 computer game shops in 188. the first one I go is selling that game at $218, but since I normally bought games in the other shop so I didnt buy it. Then I went to the shop that I used to go to, and it was selling at $228......at the end after the shopkeeper gave me a discount to $220 I bought it there, even though I know another shop in that same shopping mall is $2 cheaper.....

want to watch "amazing grace" very much....originally I was thinking that it may not be showing in HK, and then I accidentally saw a poster of it in bus stop.....so I planned to go to watch it soon....but I have no idea what cinema will have it showing....