I'm 20, unimaginable. When? more importantly... how? I hardly remember one thru nineteen. Well here I am another station, impatiently awaiting the next stop. It seems the journey is climaxing, so many things have occurred and there is no time for the wayside. Carefree and careless have been abducted, masqueraded by deadlines and promises. Press on it is, as if there was any other choice haha. 

It's also valentines day, happy valentines day everyone.  lol

This is a moment where ambition recklessness and motivation for success sets in the west and questions doubts rise in the east. Distrust for the dream for the plan, for the price paid to be obtain the unattainable.

Wealth, power all substitutes for happiness. Happiness that had always been sitting besides you; with your boy, your kid, your negro on a porch, passing to the left complaining and worrying about tomorrow when really tomorrow was the same as today. The happiness of shared success and failure.

Will we ever return to those carefree days of bicker and banter. Is what lies ahead even a glimmer of that once present jubilation?

Simple things
Lonely dreams
Young nights
Muddled by the absurdity of obligation

Here's to hoping it is in some way. happy 19th birthday Doe. show em how we do.

It's the middle of the semester. 
Stop, reflect...
Everyday confronting stubborn faces, long sighs, shorter days, colder nights.
Rewind, play...
A cycle of unfulfilled dreams,
surrounded by echoed worries of expectations
and the whispered screams of accomplishment.
Is it over? Will it ever be?
Pause, forward...
Across the line, down the road. Confident still.
Next.

Oh and come to this, it's my baby.

There is no easy way to convey this, evident from the fact that I'm actually writing on xanga. I've always been one to keep a lot of things inside, deliberately turning them over in my mind until either a solution was reached or I simply got too tired of thinking to care anymore. But this time it hasn't gone away and I haven't solved anything. And the string of excessive drinking and / or other habits seem only to delay my dilemma till the afternoon (that's when I usually wake up). Honestly it was to be expected, but I've always believed that I would be the exception. Doesn't everyone? I once heard someone say that the bueaty of being young is that you believe you will be the one person who defies nature and stays young forever. To me that is a truth except I apply it to way more then just being young. I guess this is just the first signs of reality smacking me in the face. On the flip side however, if somehow convention is defied and I find myself down that unfamiliar less trodden road, how can I bring myself to believe it's mine. After all I've done and said how can I stand there thinking this is something I've earned, something I deserve. Therein lies my dilemma and I think it's best to plunge myself into a single minded pursuit to ease this burden of responsibility to myself and others. Maybe I'll start studying real hard.... hahah the beauty of being a student is that everyone believes they are the one student who will get that 4.0 right? I'll believe that.