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| High five! more dead than alive...I just need to stop apologizing for the length in between my updates. It's getting to be habit and I'm tired of saying sorry. Here's just some reporting for those of you that want to know what I'm doing with my life.
Work - Still same ol same ol. Everyday I get by and everyday I'm wanting something else. The 2-3 weeks before camp I was working 80 hours a week. No bueno. But here's a little spec of light that encouraged me. A few weeks ago I met my dad at this storage unit complex to measure an office. This guy was going to turn the current office space into more units. I beat my dad there, so I just waited in the car for him. Once he arrived he introduced me to the secretary that was working and told her what I'd be doing, then he left. After a few minutes of measuring the Secretary says to me...
"Well, since I know now that you're a nice guy I wanted to tell you...when you first pulled up I thought you were hear to rob me. I tried to get your license plate number and report you but I couldn't see it...so I just hid everything."
She then walked over to a locked filing cabinet, unlocked it and pulled out her purse. She then made her way over to a drawer to another desk, moved a bunch of files and pulled out a cell phone. And to cap it off, she walked up to a potted plant, sitting on a desk in the corner and picked up a set of keys from around a few leaves. Not only did she think I was suspicious looking, she had it set in her mind that I was there for one reason only; and in the few minutes I was sitting outside, she rushed around and strategically hid her valuables.....
Aaahhh, Yuup. Still got it.
Social life - N/A
Future - I'm still waiting to hear back on my application to AIS for a playing tour. I haven't been excited about something in a long time. I really hope all this goes through.
Girls - psssh, don't even go there. I mean, I'd like one that didn't make me feel like a jerk and I actually got a long with....but we all know that ain't happen'n. Move'n on....
Music - It's the Summer, soooo that means The Zombies. I've also been grovin to some Hollies and King Kahn. It's golden.
Welp, my lunch break is over and I hit a writer's block. Sorry there isn't anything else, I'll try to be better....but don't expect much.
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| I know I always say it's been a long time...but this time, I mean it.Spoiler alert....this is mainly just an update so those of you who read will see that I'm not dead....I'm not dead....
Since our last meeting much has happened...
I was the best man in a incredibly fun wedding. I was surrounded with some of my best friends for 3 days, In an amazing city, celebrating the best thing we've got on this planet....money!...I mean, love...
Anyway, I had a great time...if you see the pix from that weekend you'll understand.
Also your man bought his first Motorcycle. Yes, I've talked for years about how I'm going to get one but I finally did. I found, wheel and deal'd with the owner, paid in cash with my own money, drove to Pennsylvania to pick it up, and now....well, now I'm trying to get it to start...
But it was a huge milestone on my path to being a man. Go ahead guys, buy your macbooks, and your Ipod phones, your blackberries, 360's and Wii's, your fancy pants digital cameras...you can keep em. I got my ass a 71 Honda.
(p.s. I wonder which one of us will have trouble picking up the ladies now...?)
Speaking of which...I got suckered in to going on a date with someone I do not like spending time with. I don't know whether it's the fact that she's asked out 4 of my other friends before me...or the fact that i've been avoiding her socially for years...or maybe even the fact that she called her cousin slash my old boss to ask whether she should ask me out and they left the decision up to a Magic 8 ball.....I can't really put my finger on it...but something feels like this will have a zero percent success rate.
I've batted some ideas around for what we will do...something that will show her that I'm a loser and not worth the effort, thus freeing me from the inevitable "I'm not interested and here's why" talk. I was trying to figure out some way to fake being a closet alcoholic, or that I have a few kids by different mothers, or my more honorable character of attempting to run for a position in the Clergy....
But I think I'll take her to a movie...that way we can spend a lot of time in silence and I'll get to see another movie out of my "date" budget and wont have to tap into my "entertainment" budget.
What can I say...this is an art, and I....I am an artist.
Well thats it for now. I'm going home early to work on the bike. I think I have it figured out and should be on the road soon. Cheers. | | |
| Chess NightLast night I closed up shop at the coffee shop. Wednesday night is Chess night, it has been for the past five years. The Staunton Chess Club meet there every Wednesday around 7, pick numbers, and play each other. They even have a ladder hanging up on our wall.
There's something good about Chess night. All the players are regulars, so I enjoy catching up with them. We actually know what they do and what goes on in their lives. And although it makes Wednesdays fairly busy, everyone's order is the same thing every week; so like clockwork we know at 8:15 to start making a chicken salad sandwich with no pepper on Rye and a ham and cheese on white with two cookies for Sammy and his son.
Last night another regular was hanging out in the coffee shop. She's been coming in and out of the shop pretty much since it opened (mainly because she has a crush on my friend Michael). Michael and I are living together, so we walked down to work together. Once we did the shift change, the young lady, we'll call her Megan, came up to Michael and I to "get some more hot water for her tea." After "refreshing her tea" Michael asked her what she was working on, noticing her laptop was open and she had been typing on it. Megan told us she was trying to figure out what to do with her life...She needed more money than her current job at another coffee shop, but she didn't want to be a sell out and work for any corporations or yuppie jobs. After listening to her explain that she attempted teaching, has traveled enough for the time, etc....we all had this to say....
Megan: I don't know...I just need some direction...
Me: .....East....
Michael: ...No...West...
Megan: Why West? (you can obviously see who she has the crush on)
Michael: I don't know, in fact...I've never actually been to the West coast, so I wouldn't really know. I'm pretty sure the East coast is a lot better.
Me: Yeah, I hear there are a ton of fires out there.
Michael: Yeah, that's true.
Megan: Well thats waaay West, what about mid west...?
Me: I'm not sure how I feel about that....OH! you know what? you should move to Louisiana! move to the Bayou and become a musician...
Michael: Yeah, Louisiana is awesome.
Me: Yeah, soooo....that would be South West...if you need directions...
Megan: No no, I've thought about moving to New Orleans and playing music but I need something more stable.
Michael: Yeah I think you're asking the wrong pair of guys about life direction.
Me: Yeah, all we want to do is sit on our porch, listen to records, and drink beer.
Michael: Yeah...does your house have a porch?...you should just do that....
After a few more minutes Megan decided she had wasted enough time talking to us and returned to her laptop. But for the rest of the night I kept thinking about what I could tell Megan to do with her life. Not that I really cared enough to find her an answer, but it was more the thoughts of what other people think about their lives.
I know that Megan is not a Christian, so I figured I had to skip the whole, "What do you think God's will is for your life?" question. But I have no answer for anyone in her position....Without God's will in the equation, marriage seems nothing more than a product of nature and society and jobs are just based on a terrible ratio of the more you sacrifice, the more you'll be rewarded.
So what do they do with their lives?
I think the average person finds fulfillment in a family of their own, vacations/hobbies/adventures, time with friends....all while putting in their time at whatever chosen career. That sounds like the plan for a lot of people I know, with the exception of different Sunday morning activities....
I mean, it's obvious we all have the desire to matter, for our lives to make a difference in world. So what's the point of waking up tomorrow if that entire day is just going to be about me...? I can see why Megan is struggling with this. Her soul is begging for significance but our culture is telling her to punch her card and live for the weekend. That kind of life terrifies me. I fear the day my occupation defines me. That one day in my 50's I roll out of bed and ask the same question I've been asking since I was 24...why?
I guess I'm just thinking about all this because I'm in a transitional phase, a few friends' paths are taking another turn, as well as that ever present thought of "Am I supposed to be here doing this? What am I missing out on?" that constantly runs through the ol skull. It might be a bit pretentious of me to think that I can actually figure these questions out, but really it's just a restless boy turnin his wheels.
So until I figure out the answers to all this....I'll be on the porch. | | |
| Taking a Shack BreakI know I said I was going to write a few blogs about The Shack, but I did two and I figured I should break it up with a normal update. So here we be.
Friday and Saturday made for a great weekend. JMU's annual Macrock, probably the biggest musical event in our area brought in some pretty good booge. Friday I worked late, didn't get up to the burger until right before the Cinnamon Band's show, who were great as always. I met a few friend's there, and a few of their friends met us at another bar downtown to see Fing Fang Foom and Maps and Atlas'. FFF kind of sucked but I sort of like Maps and Atlas'. I kept trying to find a funny connection with their name and my last name, but nothing funny enough to voice.
Saturday night Unwed Sailor played right before Anathallo, right before Aloha, right before Owen. They were all entertaining to watch, Anathallo got on my nerves for some reason, Alaho was boss, and when the two played a song together...well it just makes you wanna take a pic of it and send it to some friends that you miss....Although I don't have much interest in the scene anymore, or with bands like that, it felt good to be back in it. I was reminded of my high school days when we ripped our garments waiting for the weekends when we could go to rock shows, push our way to the front, and willingly damage our ears. Small price to pay for release.
I recall in those days seeing people my age and being so impatient. I remember wishing to be mid twenties, going to shows, staying out as late as I wanted, no one to report to, going anywhere at anytime...now I look at those high schoolers and wish I was in their shoes....no bills, no jobs, no regrets, no questions of your future haunting over you like a black cloud of muckity muck. Oh well, the grass is always greener...
Today was my very first day of teaching. I'm subbing for a friend of mine while he is out of town. I have a class of 10th graders all this week. So far I loved it, although I just showed a movie. But later this week we'll have some discussions and even a quiz! eeek! If this is a test drive for me wanting to be a teacher, I'm in.
Thats it for now. Happy Mons everyones. | | |
| The Shack. part 1b - Grace in Sin CityApologies on my absence. I was hoping to post this series less than 12 days apart; especially when this entry is related to the previous. But I really like this section, and I hope you do too.
I guess I should start from where I left off last week. In my last entry I posted a quote from the Shack. The first part of that quote holds so much meaning for me. It would be safe to say that idea pretty much sums up my life currently. But the second part of that quote plucks a special string of my...inner...instrument...? Here's that quote again...
"I suppose that since most of our hurts come through relationships so will our healing, and I know that grace rarely makes sense for those looking in from the outside"
I love quotes about Grace. I love talking about Grace. My favorite hymn is Amazing Grace, not because it's so well known that I can sing it without looking at the words, but because I just love the concept of Grace so much. I love this quote about Grace. "...I know that grace rarely makes sense for those looking in from the outside."
I like that so much because I have been on both sides of Grace and I easily relate with that concept. I understand it now. Grace makes sense to me, Life makes sense to me...and it's because now, I am on the inside....
...or am I...?
See, I thought I understood Grace. I thought I was on the "inside" of it all; that I got the big picture...that is, until last Tuesday night. There is this luncheon place a few blocks from my apartment called Morino's. If you think your local pub is a whole in the wall than obviously you've never seen this place. Many locals don't even know of it's existence and it's about half the size of normal Waffle Houses. I could try to describe the crowd that calls Morino's their second home, but I doubt I would get the point across. Blue collar, born and raised in the valley, dead end jobs, no families (or at least no family to go home to), and the only thing that makes them get up in morning is the thought of going to Morino's to have a couple brews with their friends. Every Tuesday night they have what is advertised as "Blue Grass Night." Being from VA and going to school in TN I have found a healthy appreciation for Blue Grass, but I really wouldn't call what they play Blue Grass. Sure they have fiddles, stand up basses, a banjo sometimes, harmonicas, etc. But other than the occasional jam session, all they play is old country and rock songs. On an average Tuesday night you would hear quite a few songs from The Stones, Van Morrison, Gram Parsons, The Clash, The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, The Beach Boys, The Byrds, Merle Haggard, and last week they even played this Ronettes song, a personal fave. All that to lead to this story...
The Tuesday before last was one of the most soulful nights at Morino's that I can remember since I started attending. They did a montage song...first of something I didn't recognize, probably an original...then in to Far Away Eyes....then into Amazing Grace...I'll Fly Away...and then capped the song with Sin City by the Flying Burrito Brothers. (If you haven't heard Sin City, stop reading this and go listen to it, you need it in your life and it'll make this post that much better)
But by the last chorus of Sin City, everyone in the room had their eyes closed and was singing along with all their souls. I wouldn't doubt most of them thinking about their current sin status. When the band stopped everyone clapped as if to say, "that was it" with their hands. One guy, I think they call him Uncle Willy, raised his rolling rock to the band and yelled out, "Thats right, God's going to rain all over me!" (see the lyrics) Of course everyone laughed, but when I heard it (obviously) it made me think....
Which one of us is on the inside of Grace here? Now the obvious and most theologically correct answer would be me. Christ is fairly clear that who ever is not of Him is of the world. But as I watched the crowd during those hymns and that last song, I wondered if they understood Grace better than I did. Uncle Willy and the rest of them know that they aren't good enough. They don't have to be reminded of their past or of their sin because the consequences of it walk with them daily. I started to think that maybe sometimes we get so engulfed in the Christian culture, in the lifestyle of "Church goers," that we have forgotten our roots. Have I become callused to the weight of my soul? Callused to the cost of what Christ did that it longer makes me feel, or it no longer has an effect on my life?
It reminds me of the story Jesus told in Luke 18 about the Pharisee and the Tax Collector.
"To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable. Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men--robbers, evildoers, adulterers--or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get. But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner. I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."
I think I have lost the idea of Grace. I think, for some reason, that my Christian life, so pleasing to God, is why I'm getting all this Grace and why I am allowed to say, "Look at me, I'm on the inside!" But I'm not, my friends at Morino's are the ones on the inside. At least they understand that Grace is a gift, they understand that their actions can't buy it, and they understand that they aren't worth it. I'm just a Pharisee, sitting in a bar with a bunch of tax collectors, listening to music.
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