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| Thoughts, myths and half-truths for a Wednesday afternoon: +I hate to admit it, but when I typed the above line, I actually had to hold my mouse over the computer's clock to see what day of the week it was. Its that kind of week. +Very hot, muggy, bullshit weather around here lately puncutated by the occasional thunderstorm or so. I hate this crap- freeze me to death anytime, I can put on another layer of clothing or another blanket, but don't do this to me. Makes me halfway glad not to be dating- only thing worse than that sticky feeling on your skin is feeling it on someone elses when its hot like this. Though a cool shower can be a fun help for that issue, of course. +F-15s flying past Arlington every so often lately. Its funny, we sit right below- or more accurately, NEXT to- the flight paths for Reagan National Airport, the planes go AROUND our building (which is very weird), so I'm used to hearing jets roar past the windows. Those F-15s though... man, the instant the office shakes you know those aren't Airbus engines! +Back to working on painting a little at a time. I find that my painting improves- and increases in volume- when I'm frustrated or angry about something, perhaps my little way of imprinting myself onto my work. I'm running a bit low on stuff to work on- I'll have to get some Pine-Sol and strip down some old Denver-based work one of these days so I can keep the workload up once my current set is finished! Lord knows I still have a few paint schemes in the box that are best described as 'meh', so refurbishing them (as I've done several times before) from ugly ducklings into swans would be a great activity for early fall- I'm sure I'll have plenty of frustration in life at that point, after all. I've managed to for the past several years straight, after all! Might pick up a few new items to work on at GenCon, but probably not very much this time around. +Oh yeah, I'm going back to GenCon. I wasn't sure if I would- I was pretty angry after the last one with the 'good luck, asshole' workload I got handed, but the experience was good overall. Since several good friends are heading out, might as well join in, right? Looks like 20 hours of work again over three days, but thats fine by me. I just want to make sure I can get in a little 'for fun' gaming as well as the work aspect of it this time as well, I didn't get to do enough of that last time and I regretted it for weeks afterwards. We'll be road-tripping it this time rather than flying, along with three very good friends- we'll likely be ready to kill each other by the time we get home, but for now it sure sounds fun ;) +Hoping to run into members of my old gaming groups in Spokane and Denver again as I did last year. I've missed the Denver group in particular lately, they're a fun group out there. The Spokane group... the folks I found last year (the famed Spector and Roese) are just great people, and I do miss them greatly, but the rest of that group was a little difficult at times. Certainly the situation I was in out there didn't help, my frustrations boiled over a few times no doubt, which probably colored things in a dark light. Regardless, looking forward to seeing old friends, as well as CBT forum denizens of course. +Been taking meds for my back lately- it flares up every so often and needs some nerve-dulling crap. One of the side effects, unfortunately, is it means frequent trips to the restroom, which is very annoying- its one thing to have to head to the restroom a few times a day at work, but when I get up three times between midnight and 6:30 AM, thats pretty miserable.Hopefully the damn thing calms down before the Con, or I'm going to be pretty annoyed. +Been enjoying a little of the old Batman animated series from when I was a kid lately. Seems dumb, but I think its good to stay in touch with your roots- it keeps one from being a bitter old man... or at least, as much of one. Its funny, nearly two decades later and the show's animation is still surprisingly good- its not computer-done or any of that crap, and the old-fashioned feel to the city and characters is almost made more authentic by the older-feeling animation. They've aged remarkably well- and unlike other shows from that era that show huge cellular phones or ancient green-screen computers, here they're SUPPOSED to look that way because its a hybrid city based on the 1930s art-deco era. Remarkable foresight- or if it was an accident, it worked out in their favor for sure. +Making preliminary plans for heading to Denver for Thanksgiving... sort of. Actually its a flying pain in the ass. Thing is, my parents are putting the house up for sale this fall, and Mom keeps telling me how she's looking forward to me heading out there- then in the same breath tells me that they might not live in Denver (they're moving to New England once the house sells). Well, that makes it kinda hard to plan- am I going to Denver or Boston, lady? She flip-fllops on it every time we talk, so i'm pretty much going to wait until after I get back from GenCon. If she's still giving me this garbage I'm just booking for Denver, and if they really are gone by that point (I personally think its near-impossible in this market that they'd sell so fast) then I'll spend Thanksgiving seeing some old friends there. +Very interested to see what my sister does here with this. She's got four basic options- she can work for a living like a normal human being (I rate this very low in likelihood), she can find someone else to mooch off of when my parents move, she can sneak out there and leave them in a situation where they have to take her in again (they'd do it, whether they admit it or not), or she can sneak here and try to hunt me down. Option 4 scares the hell out of me- I scrape by as it is, but there's no way in hell I'm taking her in. She's inquired quietly a couple of times to mom about how much I pay in rent, and has asked for my address "so she can send things to me". Pah. I've seen this movie before- I've specifically asked Mom to keep my address at her office, but nowhere at home just in case for this very reason. She's made a mess- and I'm not cleaning it up again. I bailed her out of jail TWICE last year, which combined with losing my job last fall nearly ruined me. I don't make the same mistake twice. +...well, I do, but not that one. +I may have taught Joe to swim a bit TOO well- he's jumping in now without any supervision, which was unexpected. He's not a bad swimmer, but... certainly we're watching him now when he goes out just in case. Pesky dog! He's trying to learn to use the floating chair things in the pool, but he's not got the whole 'getting in' thing down yet- every time he tries to leap onto it from the side of the pool he flips it over on himself. But he has the right idea anyway. +Still no furniture. Sort of. Apparently we HAVE it, its in the garage (I haven't seen it myself, but then again I don't go in the garage for anything). The workmen/retard-o's who did the deck were supposed to move it downstairs- where it was until it was moved to go into the model home. It went down there once before at some point, and it got moved UP the stairs last winter... but these bumbling tools say it doesn't fit back DOWN the stairs this time. Part of this is likely due to the fact that the slimy pricks didn't try, no doubt. Regardless, at some point I'm confident I'll have the furniture I'm paying for monthly. When that is, I'm not entirely sure, but at SOME point. Sure is making life fun in the meantime though. To hell with this entry- its time to go home. Entertain yourselves dammit! | | |
| Its never a good thing to start a Monday morning with a rough hangover. Its even worse when you didn't drink the previous evening. I have no idea where this came from... most unpleasant way to start a (blessedly shortened) work week. Amusingly, when I put my MP3 player on 'random' this morning the first thing it grabbed was NOFX's "Thank God Its Monday". Greaaaaat. No updates over the past month. Know why? Because there's not much to tell. I work, I sleep (fitfully), I do it again the next day. Fun stuff. I live for this shit. I wouldn't even be typing this up if not for the fact that I need something to do with my morning while I try to get my head to stop pounding. Vacation to see my family went quite well, actually. I figured it would be too short (only three full days and two half-days there), but really, I got most of what I wanted to do there done, and managed to escape before my folks drove me nuts. Must remember to try the same trick for Thanksgiving! Arriving there was interesting- my grandmother knew my parents were coming, but I was a surprise (parents and granddad knew). So I met up with my parents at Logan Airport in Boston, and headed to the ferry at Woods Hole with them. Grandma was watching for my parents, but not expecting me, she didn't even notice when I walked literally right past her (part of the plan). She met mom and dad, talked for a moment, then started heading with them to the car- at this point I walked up next to her and asked in my best tourist-y voice "Excuse me ma'am, I seem to have taken a wrong turn. Which way is Washington, D.C. from here?" She turned and had just started to reply something to the effect of calling me a retard (no doubt) when she realized Mom was laughing, and that the huge tourist standing in front of her looked awfully familiar... ;) One more note from there: I'd forgotten how good swordfish can really be when its fresh. It gets kinda mushy and 'fishy' when its been out of the water for more than about 24 hours, even if its in a fridge, but when we went to dinner out there for grandma's birthday the swordfish I had was less of a main course and more of an art form. They did a cajun spice rub on the swordfish steaks, which I love on catfish but had never tried like this before, and it was just perfect. I knew there was something I liked about being near the coast... of course, still hard to find good Denver-fare like a good steak or good Mexican food, though I'm starting to find places like that around D.C. a little at a time. If I find swordfish like that in this town I'll gain ten pounds though! Anyway. Other than that, not much to tell. Went on a date a couple of weeks ago, went very well... then heard nothing from her for four days before getting an E-mail (!) saying that she "just wasn't really ready for a relationship". Awesome. When did breakups switch to an E-mail format? Thats twice this year now I've been dumped by E-mail, a little irritating. Do you reply to it? Whats the ettiquete for being E-dumped? Needless to say, it was a fine reminder of why I really shouldn't date people- because even when things go well, its only to set me up for the punchline later. And I'm just not laughing anymore. The old saying is that 'theres someone out there for everyone'... at this point, honestly, who fucking cares. I've reached a sort of detente with Joe, the hyperactive mutt I live with now. He still crashes into me at full speed every chance he gets, but he settles down MUCH quicker- and has stopped biting me altogether. To my amusement, I got home Friday and he growled at me- then whined and ran off when I growled back. Apparently I'm a bit scary when I bare my teeth and growl back. Who would have guessed? I should try it the next time someone tries to sit next to me on the bus. My sister started a new job... as a secretary-type for a drug rehab clinic (fortunately not the one she's been sent to several times!). I'm not sure how long this will last- depends on drug screening, I would think- but the irony is both extremely funny and twice as sad. Apparently the two clinics don't actually talk to each other- "Wait, you have WHO working for you?" See? Nothing interesting in my life. You've wasted five minutes you can never get back reading this drivel, and you're none the better for the experience. Sucks to be you. | | |
| I've been in kind of a funk the past few days. Not sure what really has me down, but I've definitely noticed it. Activities that normally entertain don't, things that normally wouldn't bother me are driving me nuts, and there's a little black raincloud metaphorically over my head (actually, today there's a literal one as well, but thats not really relevant.) I couldn't tell you what caused it. Started late last week, and just kept on going through to this morning. I've snapped at friends when normally I wouldn't, I've snarled at my parents when normally I'd simply ignore them merrily... even avoided trying to get a phone number at Saturday's wedding when really I might have had a decent shot at it. I wasn't worried about rejection- I just didn't even want to put myself into a situation where I'd have to find out. I even got so frustrated working on a miniature last night after getting home that I threw it across the room- its repairable, but its also out of character for me. I'm not a 'fury' person, and so this is very odd for me. Regardless, as strange as this funk is and as unexplained and sudden as it has appeared, here's hoping that it disappears the same way and leaves me back to normal. Maybe its stress- between work, family, upcoming travel, etc., I certainly wouldn't say I'm relaxed lately. A migraine that has stuck with me for over a week now hasn't helped matters any either. I just hate that feeling of helplessness and gloom that comes with this, its pretty discouraging. Regardless, all of that sounds incredibly whiny. I leave in eight days to see my family in New England. My flight leaves in the early afternoon, not sure if I'll be at work in the morning or not. Either way, after a 90 minute flight I'll arrive within minutes of my parents flight from Denver, so we'll meet up at baggage claim and head south to Woods Hole, MA together to the ferry docks. My grandma still has no idea I'm coming, which is kind of fun but does make planning a bit difficult. I wish I could have spent longer out there, but at the time I booked this I didn't realize I had more vacation time than what I really have. I'll likely use the rest later this year to head to Denver, but it would have been good to get an extra couple of days out of this trip regardless. Still, good to get out of town for a while and see my folks, who I haven't seen since my other grandma died last March. I've been loading up my new Zen with as much music as I can think of, and its been just joyous. Its fun to think back to younger days and look up music that in some cases I haven't heard in years so I can toss it on here- I'm well past 800 songs right now on it, with plenty of room to go. My commute to work is mere minutes now, and even then I can't imagine doing it without this thing now- I have no idea how I made it as long as I did with my previous commute without it, I probably should have withered away to nothingness on the train at some point. I can also confirm that on the list of the best headphones I've ever tried, these Skullcandy ones are right up there- its funny to listen to songs that I've heard many times, and have the sound so clear I can pick out little bits I never noticed before. In particular, highly detailed music like Blues Traveler are like a whole new experience. I did have my first hiccup with the new device though- on the train last night, it froze up on me. Slipping a paper clip to the 'reset' button solved the issue instantly, but it did teach me to keep a clip in the headphone case at all times just in case- it would suck to have it freeze up on my flight and not be able to do anything about it. What else is there to tell? More when I have something interesting to talk about I suppose. | | |
| Random thoughts on a Monday morning: +There's something very nostalgic about getting an MP3 player set up. The one I had in Denver had died last year, and I got a Samsung, but it never did work quite right. I sold it a couple of weeks ago in frustration, and picked up a Creative Technologies 'Zen' recently. And I've been loving it. It came with a free Napster subscription (which I already have, thanks guys), and its been a very interesting weekend. With 8G to play with, I find myself in an interesting spot- on my other two, space was always a problem (both were 2G), and I would frequently find myself unable to put on things I wanted without having to delete others that I wanted to keep. This time? I still have tons of space, and I've been going back through old music I haven't had in years. My CD collection hasn't moved here from Denver yet (someday), and so discs I bought back in high school, music I enjoy still, has been unavailable since basically my move to Spokane many years ago now. Makes one almost feel young again. +All set for a small family reunion in Vineyard Haven, MA early next month. My grandmother turns 90, and we have a good number of relatives coming in for it- I didn't think I'd be able to go, but managed to eke just enough time off work to make basically a long weekend out of it (Wed-Sun). As it is, I misjudged my vacation time, and could have stayed an extra few days- sadly, by the time that came about I'd already bought my tickets. By coincidence, my parents booked their tickets to land in Boston about twenty minutes before I will- so upon that realization, we coincided our travel plans from Boston to Vineyard Haven to make life easier. Best part: My grandmother doesn't know I'm coming, an idea my grandfather had. She knows my parents are coming of course, but while she's busy saying hello to them at the ferry dock, that will allow me to quietly sneak up for a surprise. Or anyway, 'quietly' as a 6'5" man ever can be. +Of course, while the family is getting together for the occasion, my sister was cordially UNinvited. There's simply too much chaos and drama surrounding her, and frankly no one needs that. Plus she wants someone else to pay for her to go (I'm paying my own way, though my grandfather did help a bit). Sorry kid. She's naturally unhappy about this, and feels excluded, but there woudl likely be much more sympathy for her if she, you know, hadn't been busted for selling drugs, or had worked a day in over four years, or hadn't stolen things from my parents and I, or any of a long list of reasons that overall, its good for her to just stay home. Sounds cold, I admit, but in the long run it will make a better experience for everyone else- and frankly, majority rules. The odd part is that she doesn't even like my grandparents- at all. She just wants to go because she doesn't like feeling left out. You'd think this would be a best-case scenario for her, really. *shrug* +Congratulations to the Pittsburgh Penguins on their return to the Stanley Cup Finals after over a decade and a half away, thanks to their 6-0 dismantling of the Flyers yesterday. Looking forward to seeing them take on whomever comes out of the West! +...which looked like a sure trip for Detroit a few days ago. Now, I'm not so sure. Thing is, when you're up 3-0 in a series, you should be in the drivers seat. One little hiccup is disappointing (the Penguins let the Flyers steal an ugly one in Game 4 of that series), but two? Dallas has momentum now, and if they win tonight its anyones series again. How likely is that? Well, Detroit's blown it big time in the past two games, looking flatter than week-old Pepsi, while Dallas has been playing like their butts are on fire. Twice in NHL history a team has come back from three games down to win a series... and we're due for another. Could it be the Dallas Stars? I have hope. +The phone calls have stopped. No number change needed (still doing it, don't ask again please), she just seems to have dropped off the face of the planet again. Which really is just as well. There's still a lot of unresolved business there, and frankly I'm fine with leaving it to rot at this point. We had some great times together, and there was a real connection there that I'm very sorry was lost, but... it was indeed lost, and its not coming back just because someone had a couple too many drinks. I'm optimistic that that phone number simply won't come up on my little screen ever again. +...I really don't have much else today. Must be the lack of caffeine.  | Currently Listening
Love.45
By Love.45
Way Down (Denver band, try 'em out sometime!)
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| Jekyll The Sober and Hyde The Drunk-DialerI moved about two weeks ago down into Arlington, mere blocks from the famed cemetary. I'm much closer to my work now (a fifteen minute bus ride replaces a two-hour bus and rail marathon), its less money, more space, and just overall a better place to be. Great! I moved on a Tuesday, crashed out, and started unpacking the next day. On Thursday night of that week though, the 1st, I dozed happily in my exhaustion from unpacking and work, when my phone rang late at night. Colorado area code, not one I recognized (certainly not at 3:30 AM!). My first thought was that it might be a family emergency, someone calling from a hospital or something like that. So I answered, hoping that I was wrong. I was. But I could have hoped for better than what I got. What I got was a quiet female voice asking me "nottohangupuntilIsaywhatIneedtosay". (that quickly that it ran together). What the hell? That almost sounds like... oh no. Oh fuck. Soni. The one who I broke up with a little over a month earlier when I wouldn't convert to Catholicism with her. Fuck. I should have ignored her slurred request and hung the phone up, but at 3:30 AM one doesn't think rationally all the time. Plus I kinda had hopes of getting in a few choice words of my own on her- I'm not above letting someone know when I think they're a douchebag, male or female. So I listened. I listened to her tell me how lonely she felt without me, how she felt like she made a huge mistake and she wasn't sure how to fix it, how she wanted things to be back the way they used to be when she and I could tell each other anything and how it used to brighten her worst day just by seeing my name pop up on her phone. How much she loved me still, and realized that she had made a mistake. OK, whatever. Maybe your memory isn't working right, lady, but mine sure is working just fine, even without access to espresso. You hurt me big time- and if you need I still have the E-mails to forward back to you if you'd like a reminder. Because, you know, you did send out a nastygram by E-mail to end things, remember? After an hour of back and forth, of her crying and of me growling into the phone sounding like a cross between James Earl Jones and an angry tundra wolf, she finally needed to get some sleep. I, now realizing I was too angry to get back to sleep (my hands were literally shaking from anger and shock), brewed up some coffee and got started early on my day. Well, so Friday evening she calls again. And this time, different tune. She's sorry about last night, she said things that came out in a drunken state, on and on, she'd like to be friends and see if things can go anywhere from there but she still needs things from me, things she doesn't want to go into right now because she doesn't want to fight while she has a migraine (we call that a hangover where I'm from, lady), on and on. Cool. Off the hook. Well, problem is, this has continued since for a week and a half now. She goes out every couple of nights, gets drunk, calls me (I've ignored them at night since, and end up with long, rambling, often-sobbing voice mails professing how we're soul mates. Wheeee.), then calls the next day to refute her previous statements. Its kinda funny, in a "let me sleep, you rum-soaked harpy!" kind of way, but at the same time part of me is very shaken by the whole thing, and every time that number (now listed in my phone under "Horse Faced Bitch") pops up on my phone I can't help but feel a bit of sorrow at how things have ended up... and wonder which Soni will call me next, the equally sorrowful and repentant one produced by a bottle or the bitter and distant one. Fun times. Is there a way to have black roses delivered to someone, perhaps with a card saying "Piss off!"? Ah well. Back to work with me, more later. | | |
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