jae_la's Xanga

new blog

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 17:51:32 GMT

jaela

a new blog documenting my attempts at being a spoken word artist--whatever that means. this blog will feature more pictures, videos, old and new poems, and maybe mp3s as soon as i figure out how. check it out!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 11:20:57 GMT

i think it's time to close this blog and start a new one. on wordpress, maybe?

you know what?

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 22:29:30 GMT

people suck.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 21:40:08 GMT

ready to move on.

edit // it's expensive to move. and i'm only in the planning stages (there's a shit ton of paperwork to do too). it's not exactly the smartest move to make. (haha). considering that my savings account is practically nonexistent. but you gotta do what you gotta do.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 23:11:11 GMT

no matter where you are a struggle's nearby
and there ain't enough time for lovers to say hi
some nights fire does spark
a fire to remind us what we really look like in the dark
so let it go (let it go)
let it go (let it go)
and let it go (let it go)
just let it go (let it go)
let it go (let it go)
and let it go (let it go)
let it go (let it go)
just let it go

[ southbound, by blue scholars ]

you know what?

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 19:00:16 GMT

wish i was one of those people who can sleep. without meds or alcohol. not the ones who, even after a long day at work, will still lay in bed for an hour thinking of additional items on the to do list, or how the next day will/needs to turn out, or torment themselves with what they should've said to the asshole who ruined their day for doing something stupid or worse being stupid as always.

i have a lot to think about. within the next week. why do i have to make such a big decision so early?

groceries shouldn't cost so much. those 2/$6 deals are tricky. especially when you're not a cardholder.

winter needs to end. now.

i do a lot of work. more work than what is asked/expected of me. what about you?

i don't want to lose an hour this weekend. damn you, daylight savings time!

i will vote tomorrow. don't ask me for who cuz i won't tell.

i heart blue scholars and they're performing this weekend! and also using my office as a dressing room. can you say HOTNESS?

i don't know what to say to you anymore. can you just go away?

i'm much stronger than i thought.

we don't celebrate our own amazingness enough. go celebrate yourself. and not just on your birthday.

call me sometime. or at least answer my gchat messages! or initiate them for a change.

i think my gchat statuses will one day (soon) get me into trouble. time to reevaluate its content.

dear google, can you do something where all statuses at some point are saved? cuz one day i will make a poem out of past statuses and i don't remember them all.

my sister is going to come visit at the end of the month! woohoo!

all i really want is to hear is a genuine thank you. some type of acknowledgment and recognition. apparently that's a lot to ask.

i believe that's the end of this mini update.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 00:30:07 GMT

24

a bit freaked out that i'm 24 today. ten years ago i thought 24 was the prime age. you know, i'd have this amazing job, live in a beautiful apartment, i would be the woman i always wanted to be, surrounded by friends, toss in a boyfriend in there somewhere, assured of what i was going to do with my life. haha. funny how life turns out. sometimes you get some things and sometimes they manifest in ways you never imagined.

Friday, February 01, 2008

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 13:03:22 GMT

it's february! let the countdown begin....

happy new year?

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 21:56:26 GMT

because my new year's (eve and day) was sucky, and day 2 isn't all that great either with the arrival of my surgery bills, i'm posting this horoscope (much to my shame) because sometimes, you're just that desperate for some (false) sense of comfort and/or optimism. so here it is. (someday, i will laugh about this)

pisces

2008 forecast by Christopher Renstrom (from myLifetime.com)

2008 is when you act on all those changes you said you'd make at the end of 2007. Whether it's quitting smoking, committing to that relationship or pursuing the career that really inspires you, this is the year when you will make it happen. But the secret to manifesting these results is visualization: Instead of focusing on why you can't have something, try picturing yourself getting it in your mind's eye. You will be amazed by how much progress you'll make in March, May and even September.

But don't be discouraged if 2008 gets off to a shaky start. There's a lot of backsliding when it comes to family matters and relationships. Just be patient and you'll see relatives work things out for themselves by February 20.

March 4 through May 9 is an extraordinary time for you. This is when the changes in your life will actually take. Think of what happens when you repot a plant. There's the initial shock of being transplanted and being in a new environment, but eventually the plant sends out new roots and shoots, and grows more vigorously than it did before. This is what your life will feel like during this period.

You face big questions about your career from May 9 through September 8, and the problem is you're not sure if you're on the right path. Yet friends get really impatient with you when you bring this up. They point out that you have a great job, terrific pay, and that you're even getting training for future advancement. So what's the real problem? The problem is that there's a difference between wish and fulfillment. Wishes are easy for you, because you never expect to see them come true. Fulfillment is harder, because when you do get what you want, it leaves you wondering Is that all there is? As things materialize and come together for you throughout the summer and fall of 2008, you'll find that you're unconsciously bracing yourself for disillusionment. Your great surprise will be when that disappointment doesn't materialize.

The reason for this is that your ruling planet, Jupiter, is in Capricorn throughout the year. Jupiter in Capricorn brings prosperity and protection. But it also teaches you an important lesson, which is to live the life you want to live. Not talk about it or dream about it, but live it. And what you'll discover by November, when Jupiter, planet of visualization, harmonizes with Saturn, planet of materialization, is that living the life you like isn't the tall order you expected it to be. In fact, it's a lot easier than you ever imagined.

Peak Days: January 25, February 27, March 4, April 3, May 2, September 8, November 21

Duck-and-Cover Days: February 20 and 24, May 22, September 3, November 4, December 12

the best and worst (and everything in between) of 2007

Mon, 31 Dec 2007 14:26:51 GMT

craziest thing i ever did: drove to michigan in the middle of the work week to deliver a friend's recommendation.

best book received/purchased: jenny and the jaws of life by jincy willett.

best book read: shortcomings by adrian tomine.

best words of wisdom: breathe.

best dvd purchase: thank you for smoking.

best cd/album purchase: bayani by blue scholars.

best trip: nyc in august for the apia spoken word & poetry summit.

most memorable moments: 23rd birthday; naascon transition retreat; poetry summit; christine's visit; older sister moving out of parents' house.

heartbreak(s): griffin & tamara moving away;

people who really pulled me through this year (esp the last 5 months): theresa, christine, j'tang, wendy

biggest regret: forgetting people's birthdays.

biggest headache: aside from myself? let's see....my gallbladder and naascon and the job.

biggest disappointment: not going out to cleveland as often as planned/wanted; not taking advantage of opportunitites/events in the area.

food obsession: the feve's danimal tots.

drink obsession: soco and mountain dew.

most recent drunk dial: j'tang, days before my surgery.

most stressful week/month: all of them, but the two weeks right after my surgery was pretty tough.

number of times i cried: 4 (at least)

proudest accomplishment: release of my chapbook and the performances that followed; knowing that i was a positive influence in some students' lives.

best discovery: creating my own brunch options at the feve.

lessons learned (or still in the process of learning): let people love you; don't take yourself too seriously; always take care of yourself and learn how to rest!