Dude, you're gone.

Set the alarm at 5.40 this morning. And I was actually quite pissed when I had to wake up! Lol. Come on, who wouldn't be?! It's a Saturday. The only chance when I can get good rest. To recharge myself. My mind refused to wake up. But I have to. Until shaun called me. Ah. I still wanna sleep. Never mind. This is the first and the last time I'll ever gonna promise someone to wake up that early. That's it.

I went down. Saw mom and sis getting ready to hit the road. Going to school. What a pity.  Watched The Phantom of The Opera again. This is like.... my 20+ time! Erik and Raoul, and Christine are still in my mind. Think it's going to stay there forever. I'm running out of credit. Sms-ed that shaun till I'm almost broke. He's leaving. I still can't believe it. Sigh.

I'm sad. He's gone now. Can't tell him stuff anymore. Sigh. Said goodbye to him for like 3 minutes and then his plane left the ground in KLIA. Oh I'm sad. Why am i anyway?!  Don't have any clue. Oh well. That's it. Can't do anything. Ahaha when he comes back I'm gonna drive him around! Wohoo! I can drive! Lol.

Did nothing the whole day. Was obviously tired, but can't sleep. Finished one chapter of physics. Chapter 2. Took me 4 hours to actually cover 50% of it! I guess I won't be able to finish revising the whole exploring book even if I have one whole year!

 messy table!

Why.

Ah damn man. Screwed both English and Maths paper today. 30 marks gone. So many mistakes. Shit man!  But it's over now. Can't do anything. Hell I don't give a damn now. Yeah... I don't! I shouldn't! Erm maybe I should, because... once again, mom will kick me out of the house! Can't afford to fail any subject this round.

Hell, that kelly squirted water at me after school today. With my own bottle water!!!! Oh man! I'm gonna get back at her! Got me wet from head to toe! Not really, but I was wet! I was wet on a super hot and dry day! Lol. Hack.

Went ou today. With shaun. And two of his friends.Forgot their names.This guy super dumb man! Can't even decide what to have for lunch! And he's blur... walked into the wrong shop! Haha. And he belanja-ed us lunch at Secret Recipe. 75 bucks. I know he damn sam tong! Kiam siap!

After lunch we headed to Ripcurl to get him a pressie. There's this guy, he was holding a file in his hand and kept staring at us. "Okay, spill it out dude. Trying to get money out of us?! No way man!" That's what I thought. But it sort of ended up the OTHER way!  He handed a car sticker to each of us. And he was explaining. Saying that some kids need to undergo some therapy. And we don't have to donate a large amount. !0 bucks will do.Bla bla bla. We looked at each other. I don't know what they're thinking. So should I donate or shouldn't I?! 'Complete Silence' Oh okay! Fine. 10 bucks it is man! So i gave 10 dollars. And the three of them chipped in! Oh man?! Why didn't I think of it earlier. It's not that I don't wanna do something good. But I never trust people that goes around asking for money. There are so many other ways to contribute something to the society and to the needy! Am I right?! Am I?! I know I'm perfectly right! In the end i got lectured by Shaun! Oh man. Should have said something!

I think today's outing is quite awkward! We were eating.... quietly. Not a sound. All I can hear was the guy at the next table coughing his lungs out! Tried to start a conversation. But I ain't close to them. What can I say?! Bought a water bottle for shaun. As a farewell gift + birthday gift. So worth it man! Ahaha.

Oh man this stupid guy is leaving tomorrow. Don't really care. But maybe I do care a little. After all he's a friend. Miss telling him stupid stuff and listening to him boasting about his guitar skills!  Though I know he suck! Haha. He's leaving in less than 24 hours. Sigh. Everyone is moving away. Including that good shaun. Kononnya. Ahaha. =]

 unfinished 'business'.

Losing pace.

Ahah people! I screwed my add maths paper so badly! Wonder how mom would react if she gets the letter out of the mailbox and check my results. I reckon she would go "MOKJEEWEN! YOU'LL BE SPENDING YOUR WHOLE HOLIDAYS ATTENDING INTENSIVE CLASSES!!!" Gasp~  I'm pretty sure that would be the highlight for me this year. Looking forward to it man! Lol.  

Oh well. Today's paper was extremely, utterly tough for a dumb ass like me! Spent too much time on first two pages. Why? Cos i can't solve it. And each question worth 3 marks. As I flip through the pages, one by one, staring at he questions, I knew in my heart that my score is going down, 100-- 90-- 80-- 70-- 60-- 50-- 40-- 30. And stop there. Neither moving up or down. Well Anyway, I've done my best and that's the best I can do. So don't put the blame on me when you see red color ink on my report card man!  Never ever blame a person with short term memory lost that can't remember anything after 8 hours of sleep!

Although I did mention bout not blaming people with some disabilities. But here I am again, saying:'' YO YOU INDONESIANS! WHAT THE HACK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? WHY BURN FOREST? CAUSING COUNTRYS NEAR YOU SUFFER! WE NEED FRESH AIR. FOR THE GENERATIONS TO COME! PLEASE WAKE UP FROM YOUR MISTAKE! I BET GOD DIDN'T CREATE YOU WITH SUCH LOW MENTALITY!" Seriously, these people are off the limit man.

The haze was obviously bad today. I find it hard just to concentrate on my paper. And it was stuffy. You can feel the heat and sweat running down your forehead. Feel the tiny particles of smoke entering your nostrils as you inhale. It was terrible.

Spent 3 hours doing nothing in school. Those not talking chinese hung out at the library. Boring... Some of them left. But I can't. Who's going to fetch me? My mom? Nah, no way. Went through a cooking book, ancient, mythology, chicken soup for the soul. Really boring man. I believe I was bored to death! And that stupid made me nasty, had mood swing. Don't care. Just feel like slapping that ass now! Wohoo!

P/S: Hey. Hope ya don't mind. Know it's kind of lame. Quite gay actually. Lol. =]

Yin and Yang.

We're half way through final exam. Two more weeks to go. Oh man this sucks man. Seriously.  Books and notes are driving me nuts!!!  Don't think I can survive man.

Yesterday... went online, finally. Read a few stuff. Some shit actually.  And it drove me mad. Insane. Sad. Anything. Just some really mixed up feeling. I was about to go out and bang myself against the wall or maybe slightly better... run across the road and get myself killed! Either way. Which one would u choose eh?!  Hmmm, actually I prefer the second one, although it means death. But hey... everyone will die. Well, anyway I didn't commit suicide or get myself in an ICU due to serious brain injury and a broken skull!! LOL.

I was this close... I mean THIS close to busting out in tears man. Another minute of wondering and thinking in my own world would kill me. But then I was okay.  Thanks to mel. She started cracking up lame jokes and stories on the phone!  Ahaha! And I just can't help laughing at them! It's sort of gay actually, but hell who the hack gives a damn about it?! I DON'T!!  Lol, though she's kinda ke-po, but she did me a favor.

Ah... tried doing add maths. And I've only completed one chapter. I'm dead. Yeah I am. Right from the day I handed up my physics, I'm screwed. Dad has been complaining to my mom, about how useless his daughter, a.k.a me! Hack I don't think I care. Up to him. His life. Today's a bad hair day. And it will be for the entire month. DAMN! Muslims are fasting this month, and here I am having bad hair day until 31th October.  

                              super bad hair day man! damn lala! =[

Oh yeah, yesterday was 6th October. And I'll always remember it. Some idiot mulut besar sangat, told me stuff that I would never ever want to know. I mean.... NEVER!!! Not even once dude! First time,   that idiot said stuff to shrink me to the size of a pea. A PEA!!! A PEA!! Man that's small! I ain't gonna forget that. Nah I won't. Well, never mind. Things don't go our way all the time. It has to be a balance between good or bad. Like yin and yang. Lol.  We'll always see rainbow after rain.

                         releasing tension.

                         vomiting everything out through music.

The flame still burns.

.shoes. legs. legs. shoes. [ whichever comes first]

Okay... I can hear the clock ticking, signifying time is passing by as I'm blogging. Lol.  Funny. I'm crapping. Yeah! Hmm... it was Elysia's last day in school. She ain't going to school anymore. She's leaving!!! Oh man. Times flies, you know that?! I can still remember the moment when she told me she's going to migrate to Australia. But it was in January and everything is still so freaking FRESH in my mind. Quite sad that she's leaving.  This BEH PAI SEH fellow won't get the chance to borrow money from me anymore! Ahaha.

THE FLAME STILL BURNS!! I'm still studying, still breathing, still eating, still having fun BUT it's still burning! AAHHH!!! WHY!!!!???? Nah I was just kidding. LOL...  

I can't believe I just let the opportunity passed by just like that. Out of my hands as if it's just any flow of water. I did regret not taking the other alternative. But it's okay. As long as both of us have our own benefits. =]  But still, I haven't got over it. What's best for you is best for me. And what's best for everyone is best for me too! Now hey.  I'm NOT CRAppING hErE. I mean it okay!! LOL..

I tried studying all day. Yersterday and today. And I've only completed  2 chapters of Sejarah. It's just too hard for me to get my mind focused. I'm useless, hopeless and whatever -less you can think of now. Played the piano and the guitar. That's what I've been up to the entire day. No MUSIC no LIFE!

 grandma's birthday.