jeffersonpart2's Xanga

Hey Jefferson,

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 22:23:04 GMT

I am sure you don't remember me. I left comments a few times on your other site back when I too was a Xangan. Anyway, I just don't know what to say about your new found freedom. I know that you used to get a lot of comments from guys struggling with SSA (same sex attraction), and I guess I am just surprised that after reading about their struggles, and fears, and victories and so on, that you would give in to it. Please check out xxxxxxx. He is very knowledgable about all the SSA Stuff. You might have to go back a few weeks, but its there and very good. Another very good site is xxxxxx. He tells it like it is. I'll be praying for you. Sorry I don't have a Xanga Site for you to reply to. I'm sure that if I did I would be getting a lot of Hate comments, but but but......I just hate to see/hear about guys like yourself making choices like this without knowing the whole truth.

later,....... RanD

I've been WAITING for a comment like this! I've just been WAITING for it. This comment came to me on my last entry from someone who used to read my old blog. I can't believe it's taken so long for the Evangelical Homophobic Sex Police to come and arrest me! It's so funny to me. What's even funnier is that RanD just referred me to two of my old blog friends who no longer speak to me because I'm gay. Is that a sign of a loving believer? These two like to blast those of us who choose to live in accordance with our desires instead of sublimating them to live in misery like themselves. One of these friends became a friend of mine in real life. He writes about how much he wishes he could be gay, but God won't let him. And how he's afraid he may have HIV because of the indiscretions he keeps falling into. And that he doesn't have sexual feelings for his wife and sleeps in a different room of the house. Is this the site that supposed to fill me with so much hope?!

Listen, I have absolutely no problem with someone who decides to deny their sexual feelings because of their beliefs. I did that for a long time. I do think it's sad that that person has to live in turmoil, but if that is what he chooses, that's his business. It's none of mine. What I do have a problem with is the Evangelicals who try to tell me how to live my life when I'm completely happy and fulfilled in my relationship with someone who loves me and completely at peace with my Heavenly Father. Please don't wish me to go through the hell of those who only wish they had what I have found.

I have found the truth, and it has truly set me free.

So it happened...

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 23:56:04 GMT

I changed...

I became a...

well, I became a...

I mean, I think I'm a...

a...

Democrat?!

How the hell did that happen?!

You have to know that I have been a Republican since I was able to poke my first chad. ~And he was really cute.~ My first election was in 1988. I was in college, and I voted absentee ballot for good ol' George HW. And since then, I have voted for two Bushes and a Dole, but never for a Dukakis, a Clinton, a Gore, or a Kerry. Yep, I was a Republican through and through.

That's in the Bible, right?

God, my religion and my politics were one and the same. Isn't that funny? And we in thought that George W was the second messiah. Didn't we?

I guess I'm changing. I see things so differently now. But truth be told, I was going to add a McCain to the two Bushes and the Dole this year. But I saw him on The Today Show, and I decided I was done.

It's time for Change.

Does that mean I'm going to hell now?

And so, as promised, here are our vacation pictures...

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 21:33:45 GMT

As we traveled up the coast of California, we stopped at many interesting locales that Tommy obviously knew every detail about... One such stop was Morro Bay.

It was quite beautiful, and Tommy wanted to make sure that Sydney appreciated the beauty, too.

It was quite spectacular. Reminded me of that little town that Popeye lived in on the sea.

At one point, we began to see fish jumping out of the water, and then a Sea Creature jumped to catch them!

When I caught a glimpse of it, I yelled WHALE! But it was only a seal laughing at me.

I climbed a tree in Morro Bay.

And Sydney wanted to climb, too.

But she couldn't because Tommy was too busy demonstrating how to properly walk a dog.

Finally, we reached San Simeon. And our room felt like it was in the middle of the ocean!

I felt so luxurious. Especially after the hotel gave us a free bottle of champagne!

Sydney was disappointed that she couldn't have any. She's underaged.

The sunset there was gorgeous from our terrace.

I was so inspired, I just had to blog about this beautiful place.

It was breathtaking.

Sydney couldn't keep her eyes off the beauty.

Then, Tommy and I decided to go to Ragged Point and catch the view there. It was a little chilly.

I decided to climb a tree again and talked Tommy into climbing, too.

But then, he was ready to go back to the room.

But not before a family portrait.

Before we got back to the room, we found the elephant seals!

It was cold there, too.

When we got back to the room, Tommy took the dog for a walk on the beach.

And I built a fire.

And then before you knew it, it was time to go home again. But not before we take one more look at that beautiful view.

Good bye, San Simeon. See you next year!

Reality Bites

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 22:15:32 GMT

San Simeon was amazing. What a great time Tommy and I had on our trip. It was 52 degrees, serene... it was wonderful. It felt like Christmas there. We built a fire... It was cozy... Oh, it was great... And then Reality called, and we had to go back to the 100 degree desert... to find we had no AIR CONDITIONING!

What the hell?!

Something obviously went wrong while we were away, and our first clue was when Tommy tried to use the garage door opener, and it didn't work... Then we walked into the house, and the lights wouldn't go on... Then we discovered that the floor was warped in the bedroom! No cable, no internet...

What happened while we were enjoying Paradise?!

We find out that Palm Springs had a Monsoon thunderstorm while we were away. Power was OUT, roads were FLOODED, and Tommy and Jeffrey traveled 50 degrees back to the desert to answer that damn call that Reality had made us...

What a Reality check...

So, Tommy and I open all the windows, unload all our shit with sweat pouring down our faces, and strip naked to spend our first night home from Ocean Paradise in the Bowels of Hell.

Little did we know that Reality would be so hot!

Eventually, the power came back on in the middle of the night. And the cable and internet came back this morning. All is well with the world. I guess Reality was just playing a little game with us.

Now if he would just quit calling us so much!

(Stay tuned for vacation pictures...)

Tommy is walking the dog, and I just got back from God walking me.

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 17:48:44 GMT

Man, I needed this trip. I needed to come back to square one. I needed to hear God's voice speaking to me again. Life gets way too complicated sometimes. Do I move to LA? Do I get a counseling license? What am I supposed to do? So many questions, and God simply says Just walk with me.

Life doesn't have to be so complicated. We make it complicated. Tommy and I were talking earlier today about how much we as humans are always wanting something more. We're always longing for something that's just out of our reach. Why can't we simply enjoy the moment in front of us?

Maybe I have too much ambition. Maybe I just want too much. But above that, I just want simplicity. Then why do I keep making it complicated? I've never been one to sit back and let life pass me by. I think that's a good trait, but I also need to remember that I can't always have everything when I want it. It's not my life to live. I gave my life to God. It doesn't belong to me anymore.

God has blessed me so much. So incredibly much. And so often, I take it for granted.

Lord, forgive me.

We're having a good trip. San Simeon has now become one of my favorite places on the earth.

Stay tuned for more inspiration...

San Simeon

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 00:59:59 GMT

Well, that San Simeon trip that my husband got upgraded for us is taking place right now as I type. Tommy is busy stoking the fire as we listen to the waves crash onto the sand next to our oceanfront hotel room. We hit the jackpot on this one. It sure is convenient that I'm such a world-famous writer that we can get such good accommodations here...

We arose at 3:30 this morning to get ready for our great adventure today. And we've had a great trip so far. We made a few stops along the way to take in the beauty of the California coast. I'll be sure to post some pictures later for your viewing pleasure.

It's so nice to escape life sometimes, isn't it? It's good to just get away and let your mind breathe. I can hear God right now in this ocean. I can see Him in the flight of the seagulls. His creation is truly magnificent. And yes, I am inspired.

Life can get hairy sometimes. We get so caught up in the drama that surrounds us every day. It's nice to be able to concentrate on the things that really matter in life. The things that God wants to do in our souls. That's where real life is lived, you know.

I'll be sure to tell you about our adventure as we go. Because as you know... this upper level oceanfront room is sure to inspire me even more...

To Be Continued...

I've had such a crazy ride of a life.

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 17:42:15 GMT

You know, I used to be such a conservative person when I was younger. I grew up in a very conservative home. I went to church three times a week. And I grew up and became a minister. Yep, I was one of those religious people.

Now, there's nothing wrong with religion. And there's nothing wrong with ministry. But I was one of those people who served religion more than I served God. I had things backwards in my life, like a lot of people do. And I was just a little confused about things.

The ministry didn't stick with me, but later I went to Seminary and got my degree in Counseling. And for the past ten years, I've worked in the mental health field serving in mental health centers, adolescent facilities, and psych hospitals. Yeah, the ministry didn't stick, but serving people did. And it became my life's work.

Through it all, I've had my own personal wrestling matches with my religion and my beliefs and have been able to come to a different level in my relationship with God. I can see so clearly how my religion blinded me for so long. And I have now found a freedom that tastes so sweet to me. But the one thing that I can't escape from my past is my religious education...

I had to talk to Patrick Zimmerman on the phone yesterday, and it was just a little painful. When I thought my job was ending, I was trying to negotiate a transfer to a facility in LA that required a Counseling License, and I needed to talk to Mr. Zimmerman who is one of our company's vice presidents. I had sent Mr. Zimmerman my resume for him to review, and this was his response...

I see here that you went to a Southeastern College of the Assemblies of God. Is that an accredited school? And then you went to a Seminary. Now, I'm not sure if you actually qualify to even get a license. You may only be qualified to lead someone to the Lord.

Needless to say, I was just a little miffed at this. Here we go again... Yes, Southeastern is accredited, and it's a very highly esteemed Liberal Arts University now. And yes, I'm qualified to get a counseling license. I have an M.A. in Counseling from an accredited graduate school, and my program trained me to get the Licensed Professional Counseling (LPC) license...

I get so tired of explaining this everywhere my career takes me. And then I feel like I'm suddenly pigeonholed. I feel like an immediate impression is seared into their minds about who I am once they learn of my background. I'm one of those conservative Bible-thumping, gay-hating bigots. What's ironic is that now I'm gay, and I have a high suspicion that Mr. Zimmerman is as well. Little does he know he's talking to family...

So, I have all this running through my head as I talk to Mr. Zimmerman. Why did I even have to get him involved in this when I'm staying in my job anyway! But then, I think maybe it's all in my head. Do I carry a ten pound chip on my shoulder daring anyone to question my credentials? Maybe I'm just in conflict with myself...

It's not easy being a former conservative Bible-thumping, gay-hating bigot... turned gay.

Maybe I should just buy one of those degrees off the TV next time...

I got some great news today!

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 21:59:52 GMT

It looks like our unit is staying open afterall! The county has decided that closing the program would be a bad choice for the community and for the population we serve. So they are trying to figure out how to find the funds to keep us open! That's great!

So why did I find myself so disappointed?

Tommy and I had decided that we were moving back to LA. And we were pretty excited about it. But now, my job is intact, and I'm staying put. It's pretty warped to be disappointed that your job still exists, isn't it? I should be happy. But I found myself having to adjust to the idea of staying in Palm Springs. God's ways are mysterious. I just knew we were going back to LA. I still believe that we'll move back some time. I just don't know when.

It's been such a rollercoaster lately. I feel like I have whiplash. But I trust God. I really do. I know He knows what's best for us. And Tommy and I are flexible. You know, we have a good life here in Palm Springs. We'll get back to LA. We just have to be patient.

I had a lot to digest today...

And then my past came and smacked me in the face.

To Be Continued...

Today is Tommy's birthday, and he got a sweet card from his momma and his papa that reads...

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 18:48:35 GMT

Happy Birthday, Son

There's so much joy

in wishing you

a happy birthday,

but having you for a Son

is the real icing on the cake.

And the warm and loving personal note reads...

Tomorrow the tile in the kitchen comes off. It will be a mess, but I love the counter tops. We are getting quartz and a composite sink.

With Love,

Mom & Dad

There's just nothing like parents remodeling their kitchen that makes a son feel special on his birthday...

Will my life ever settle down?

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 20:41:13 GMT

It looks like Tommy and I may be moving back to The City of Angels sometime soon...

The short of it is that the economy is forcing the county to cut funding for the program that I work for. So... this wonderful job that I have been enjoying for these past few months is coming to an end... unless something major turns it around. But the parent company of my organization has other facilities throughout the state, and there is a facility in LA that is calling my name right now...

Oh gosh... My heart is so full of emotion right now. It's funny because Tommy and I have been talking lately about how much we'd love to get back to LA. AND lately, we've been talking about moving out of the condo. Is it just a coincidence that my job is ending right now? I tend to believe that God prepares you for changes even when you don't see them coming...

My heart is singing right now because all I can think about is moving back to LA.

God, I LOVE it there. I want to be back so bad. It's been great living in Palm Springs, but there's just something about LA that has captured me. Plus, I have friends there, and I would love to be around them again.

Is it going to happen?

I have to tell you that I feel it in my gut... And my gut is rarely wrong. There are details to be worked out, and it has to be just right to suit both Tommy and me...

But I feel it.

To Be Continued... sometime soon.