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Lots of firsts

Finally I get a few minutes to add an entry to this page. The last couple weeks have been a whirlwind. First child. What an adventure it has been so far, and we're only a little over a week into the journey.

Motherhood is much more difficult than I expected, and I certainly didn't expect it to be easy. So much uncertainty. There are so many opinions about what is right, what is wrong, how to raise an infant, what to do when nothing makes sense. I wish this little girl came with an owners manual. I always read the manual to everything we buy, whether it be a stero, a blender, or a piece of furniture. I like the feeling of being in control, of knowing as much as I possibly can about something. Now I am so completely unsure of myself, all that control is missing. I feel incompetent and unsure of myself and I don't like it. So many chances to make mistakes.

There are so many thoughts and emotions beating around inside of my head. So many things I want to remember to tell Jesse when she can understand... so many things I wonder about her life ahead. It's amazing to think that the little person on my lap will go on to experience so much; I have no way of knowing all that God has laid out for her. It's hard to believe that someday she may be sitting in a rocking chair, looking down at her own firstborn and thinking the same things.

She stirs here beside me. This little life is depending on me to stay alive. The feelings of responsibility and joy are both heavy on my mind and heart.

Hi everyone,

This is Kevin, I just set Jen up on Xanga. Her last day of work was Friday so she will have a little more time now...until the baby comes!!

Send her lots of notes and let everyone know she is here.