You know how "Sweet Sixteen" is supposed to be the big one, and then you turn 18 and are "legal"...and 17's just kind of stuck there in the middle? Well, my seventeenth turned out to be the biggest/longest birthday I've had, ever. It started on Saturday (July 28th). My parents went shopping that morning, and when they came back I ran to Wal-Mart for something. I came back with the groceries, and tried to open the garage, which kept closing. Mom goes, "Don't worry about it, it's broken. Bring the groceries in." So I walk up, it opens, and...

Yeah. I like it. A lot. ;) It's a 1998 Honda Civic.

The next Friday I got off work and went to mine and Mysie's joint-"Sweet Seventeen" birthday party. It was fun, and crazy, and super-dramatic. Saturday a group of us went to the mall, but it eventually ended up being only Mysie, Hannah, and myself, which was cool. I got like $65 in gift cards to STARBUCKS. Oh yes.

I got birthday cards gradually all week, it seemed like. Then I finally turned 17, at 1:16 this morning. I went to Math (of all places), and then work, and came home to an awesome cookie cake with those candles that sparkle and then don't blow out. (They re-light somehow...it's crazy. I totally didn't know they made candles like that....) Plus, a zillion people commented on my facebook today , and my boyfriend told me Happy Birthday about a dozen times this week, at least.

Turning seventeen reminded me of my last birthday. I got the How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb CD, and my dad and I drove around aimlessly for a while, just to listen to it, loud, with the windows down. Just for old times' sake, plus the fact that I listen to that CD all the time in the car now, I listened to Vertigo on the way home from math. It was too insanely hot to roll any windows down today. 

I was feeling retrospective tonight... but I remember this spring asking some friends of mine if their "sixteens" were really all that sweet, because I was kind of let down. But it's funny, when you look back over a year, and think about all that's happened, you have to say---God is awesome, and He has been so good to me this year. So much has happened since I've been sixteen. My dad's job change, Adler, APs, SATs, getting my license, getting and using a cell phone, no more braces!, having a boyfriend for the first time, getting a car, my first job, VG & Statik, Italy, NATO, regionals and then making it to nationals, learning so much about perspective, winning, and losing, patience, worry, trust... I have truly been blessed with so many real friends and an awesome family. Sometimes when you're in the middle of a situation, everything seems to be going wrong, but when you look back all you can see is the good.

This year, I've decided that I'm going to enjoy. Enjoy every moment, every event, every challenge....just enjoy my senior year, my last year of high school and my last year living at home. Not being afraid of hard work, surrendering daily my cross to follow Christ...

When we were leaving the Paris airport, watching the buildings get smaller and smaller, seeing entire cities, towns, and landscapes appear as puzzle pieces below me, I looked out below and realized how small we really are. We don't see the big picture, we don't know what God has in store for us. All we see are the tall buildings rising around us, and we spend our lives focusing on planning maps and strategies for getting from one side of the town to the next. We don't know what lies beyond our plans, and what God has out there, beyond our own limits. There is so much more, such a bigger picture than what we can see....

Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.

Philippians 1:27.

That, is it.

"Large crowds were traveing with Jesus, and turning to them He said, "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters--yes, even his own life--he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple."

[Luke 14:25-27]

I tried to give myself what I wanted, then I realized that what I really wanted was You.

I know it's been forever since I last posted. I put all my pictures of Italy up on facebook, and so I don't think I'll go into detail on xanga. Right now I feel reflective, though...it's a xanga moment.

(Uno): I am a senior. That's just weird. I don't feel like a senior. However, I didn't feel like a junior last year either. I think it's because when you're young, you have all these ideas of how cool those upperclassmen are. So cool, mature, smart, older.  And then you get there...and realize those were just illusions. Part of you takes a step back and realizes that you actually are WAY more mature than you were when you were a freshman. Then there's the part that misses the graduates, and doesn't want to be a leader to all those little freshman kids. The other part, is the one that goes, hey....SWEET! SENIOR PRIVILEDGES! Last year of high school!! This is going to be so much fun.  

(Due): Summers aren't like they used to be.  I just now came to accept that this summer I won't be doing nothing. (Double negative, I know.) I'm working every day in the week, and working math, chemistry, apologetics, and debate around all that. I do want to let myself have time to just chill with friends and enjoy summer. I think God's been teaching me, for a long time, to just relax and enjoy my life before it slips by because I've been worrying about the future. When I learn that, I feel SO free. I don't have to worry about college next year, just think about what I need to do for tomorrow.

(Tre): I am actually really excited about apologetics. I printed off the questions and started looking at them and got a lot of ideas already. I'm really glad I decided to do it this year. I haven't, however, started researching immigration. I will probably wait until after summer, really. I am definitely going to buy PKB this year (NOT Red Box...yuck.)

(Cuatro): I'm realizing that you enjoy people more when you're around them less.  In other words, now that I don't see my family as much, they're more valuable to me. For any of you that knew my dad was out of a job, well he got one now. Only, he has to travel to DR and El Salvador one out of four weeks.  Ever since Regionals, my dad and I have been barely seeing each other. While I was in FL, he had to leave for DR, then a week later he went on his mission trip to Ukraine, then a week later I went to Italy, then he went to DR again. It's crazy.

(Cinque): I love Italy. I want to go back. After I learn Italian, of course. I really do want to be bilingual, with all seriousness. Next year it turned out that I've got a private tutor for Spanish, which I think will be cool because I really like her. Who knows...maybe I'll go live in Spain one day?

(Sei): There really is no Sei. I need to go to bed so I can wake up tomorrow and do all kinds of things.

"As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins...But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved." -Ephesians 3:1,4,5