This week I'll be doing something that I have not done in a long long time:  Going back to college.  Sandra and I are taking a class together and I am pumped with excitement.  I'll post more details about the class in the future, but for now I wanted to update you on some of my recent decision making.  As I mentioned here a few months ago, I have been facing burnout and frustrations with playing on the worship team. I thought taking a break would be good idea and give me a chance to see if I could jump start my dwindling passion for playing music.  But it just hasn't happened.  I then thought that maybe if I continued to play but at a reduced rate, I might regain my passion.  Didn't happen. 

Meanwhile, the band I play in(milesCrossing), played several gigs this summer and that was fun.  But along the way, it became apparent that different band members wanted different things out of the group which led to a lot of frustrations.  Discovering you're not on the same page is not fun.  I'll spare you the details, but the end result is that the band broke up.  This was very disappointing.  I put a lot of effort into that group and it's a shame, because the music was great.   

So what does all this mean?  I have been asking that question a lot lately.  I asked God, family, friends, and myself that question.  The conclusion that I kept coming back to is that I need to do the activities that I can be authentic and passionate about.  As I was driving to rehearsal the other night, I couldn't help but face the conclusion that playing live music (in a band or at church) was not one of the things I am passionate about, anymore.  I've been in denial about this all summer.  I keep looking at the bright side (and there where some happy moments), but added altogether the bad outweighed the good.  I think I owe God and the church something more than a synthesized smile.  I informed our worship leader Greg, that this past Sunday was my last.

Greg, has been walking with me through this process all along.  He's a top-notch guy and a good friend.  He made a similar choice a few years ago, when he stepped away from leading worship for 2 years.  This time away allowed him to write and produce some really great original music.  Now he is back leading again.  I've come to the conclusion that I need a similar redirection.  Something new. I don't know if I'll need 2 years.  I honestly don't know how long I'll need.  I'm actually comfortable not having a plan for this (I know, you are shocked by that statement).  But I know that I’m tired of going through the motions.  I’m trusting God to ignite my creative passions (and He has) and that He will use them in His timing.  That's something I can be passionate about.

This is a departure from my usual blog entry, but I think this may be benificial to others, so I'm sharing some thoughts on the subject.

I have been having some interesting discussions lately with friends on the topic of decision making within the context of being a member of a group.  These discussions have revolved around considering various options for future activities by the group and which group members should possibly consider changing roles within the group.  The specific type of group is not so important for this discussion. The type of group(s) that this applies to can vary widely ( a group of friends that meet regularly for a game night, a sports team, a volunteer team at church, a musical group, a theater group, etc).  Most of us are members of a least one group and possible several.  We join these groups for a variety of reasons.  So you join the group and usually it's fun and exciting for an intial period, but soon enough the group is facing some decision (for example: should our sports team play in the rec. league or the more competitive league?) This may require you or other group members to change or modify your role within the group.  What if people don’t want to change roles? Decisions, decisions!  You may  wonder why you even joined the group!

Even though these situations can be difficult, they can lead to some very good thinking.  Why did I join this group?  Why am I really here?  What are the motivating factors for me being a group member?  If I change roles, will the factors change too? Next time, I’ll dive in deeper on the idea of decision making and some of the forces that can guide them. Until then, it might be interesting to think about some of the groups you have joined and to think about what motivates you to maintain your group membership? 

Sunday was Father's Day and to be honest, I usually think about my daughter and being dad.  I rarely think about my dad.  Dad died of cancer in 1981 during the summer before my senior year in high school.  It's been over 27 years since we last spoke to each other, so I rarely think about him in the course of my busy life.  This Father's day was different however.  On Saturday night Sandra and I watched the movie "The Bucket List".  I was impressed at how the two main characters faced the inevitable and decided to really live and enjoy the short time they had left.  I wish my dad could have spent his last months having fun working on his bucket list.  Doctors today are debating on whether to honestly tell patients their condition; thinking that hope is better than peace.  Or perhaps they did explain this, and Dad chose to fight it.  I'll spare you the details, but I can tell you his last 6 months were certainly not fun.  I've been wondering what he might have written on his bucket list.  Perhaps he would have attended one last fish fry at my Uncle's house,  made one last boat trip down the Tennessee River, perhaps one last ATV ride through the fire trails in Natchez Trace State park, or perhaps one last trip to St. Louis to see the Cardinals play baseball.  Those would have been some great memories.  Wow, I really miss my Dad.

I have many pictures of my dad and me, but I thought I would include our two military pictures.  Dad's US Army picture was made around 1952 making him about 24 years old.   My USAF picture is from 1986 making me about 24 years old too. Strikingly handsome pair, don't you think?

The documentary that Sandra and I are filming this Summer is about my mom, Jonne Walker Arnold.  What makes this story remarkable is that Jonne, as a teenager in Germany, experienced the bombings during WWII from the ground.  While we cover all aspects of her live for archival purposes, the emphasis will be on her war stories.  Jonne is pictured in the photo below. I’ll put up some technical posts on how we are putting together our low budget lighting and sound.  We are happy with our lighting solution as far as capturing good flesh tones without unnatural looking shadows.  However, after looking at the initial footage, we should have waited another hour for the fence in the back ground to be in the shade. There is no doubt this will be a fun and educational film making experience.