What we need to understand:

"[T]his 'This I Believe' thing seems to demand something more personal, some leap of faith that helps one see life's big picture, some rules to live by. So, I'm saying, 'This I believe: I believe there is no God.'

"Having taken that step, it informs every moment of my life. I'm not greedy. I have love, blue skies, rainbows and Hallmark cards, and that has to be enough. It has to be enough, but it's everything in the world and everything in the world is plenty for me. It seems just rude to beg the invisible for more. Just the love of my family that raised me and the family I'm raising now is enough that I don't need heaven. I won the huge genetic lottery and I get joy every day.

"Believing there's no God means I can't really be forgiven except by kindness and faulty memories. That's good; it makes me want to be more thoughtful. I have to try to treat people right the first time around.

"Believing there's no God stops me from being solipsistic. I can read ideas from all different people from all different cultures. Without God, we can agree on reality, and I can keep learning where I'm wrong. We can all keep adjusting, so we can really communicate. I don't travel in circles where people say, 'I have faith, I believe this in my heart and nothing you can say or do can shake my faith.' That's just a long-winded religious way to say, 'shut up,' or another two words that the FCC likes less. But all obscenity is less insulting than, 'How I was brought up and my imaginary friend means more to me than anything you can ever say or do.' So, believing there is no God lets me be proven wrong and that's always fun. It means I'm learning something.

Believing there is no God means the suffering I've seen in my family, and indeed all the suffering in the world, isn't caused by an omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent force that isn't bothered to help or is just testing us, but rather something we all may be able to help others with in the future. No God means the possibility of less suffering in the future.

Believing there is no God gives me more room for belief in family, people, love, truth, beauty, sex, Jell-o and all the other things I can prove and that make this life the best life I will ever have."

-Excerpt from "There is No God," by Penn Jillette

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This kind of thinking is nothing new, but the piece still moved me, especially the claim that non-believers are better at caring for others and are better citizens of the world. 

I don't have a thoughtful response to this (yet), but my first instinct is to say that this kind of thinking constitutes an evasion of the reality of how dark we humans are/can be. So it all sounds pretty, but it's not accurate -- either dishonest or naive or both. [An easier/less demanding/cop-out Christian argument would be to point out that it also misses the mark, because it doesn't understand that (our) faith is primarily about a personal, loving relationship with God Himself and less about how the faith makes us better at enjoying/living life.]  

And as for Jillette's piece specifically -- it's a little ironic that in some ways it seems to be advocating a more fatalistic view than it claims to have: "I won the huge genetic lottery and I get joy every day." -- What about those who didn't win the "genetic lottery"? Are these people merely the losers (who have to be taken care of by the winners out of duty or pity?

Anyway, I think we (I) need to think about these things, because they are part of the standard arguments against belief in God -- and they're not going to go away. I have to learn to address them thoughtfully and honestly.

My roommates Jung, Carolyn, and Christina are all gone for the weekend, but my apartment is packed -- three friends are staying over tonight to help me stave off loneliness. I can't seem to fall asleep. Today I went to church, and during the service, we sang "How Beautiful" -- a slow, pretty song about the beauty of Jesus Christ and about the beauty of his "body," the Christian church across all nations and ages. The song has special meaning for me because it was one of the first pieces I learned when I joined Under Construction my sophomore year in college. Before we performed it at my first-ever UC concert in the fall of 2001, I gave a short talk to the audience about my life up that point -- a "testimony" about what God had done in my life. Usually when Christians give testimonies, they share the story of how they came to believe; my testimony was a little strange in that it primarily recounted my journey "back" to my God after an extended period of repressing my faith.

I'm amazed that it's been (almost) four years since that night. I can so clearly recall singing "How Beautiful" after giving the talk and feeling completely overwhelmed halfway through the song by the presence of the One we were singing about. I remember closing my eyes and focusing really hard on not crying so that I wouldn't look like a fool on stage -- and then entirely missing the key change at the end of the song. Oops.

Tonight I dug up the testimony I wrote, and I can't stop rereading it because my words sound foreign to me. Even though I believe all the same things (and my writing style is still just as rambly), I feel like I was very different then. I sound so serious. And a little sad, too. I think I was living under a cloud of guilt and shame -- ironic since my purpose in giving the testimony was to tell the audience about the incredible joy of intimately knowing a compassionate God. It's also funny that I wrote out my own name and all my pauses.

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    Hi, my name is Jinna Chung, and I’m a sophomore in Adams House, majoring in…I don’t know, something—probably driving my parents crazy, but… I’m confident that I haven’t wasted my time here or anything. Actually, I had a pretty amazing freshman year here, most of all because I realized a lot of things about my faith and about my life. So, I’d just like to tell you a little about that and about how I first became a Christian and about the years in between, when I was complacent spiritually and actually "fell away" from God.

    I’ve been going to church for as long as I can remember. I grew up in a Christian home, so a large part of my childhood was spent at church—at Sunday school, retreats, Vacation Bible Study—the whole bit. I think I was blessed in that I was able to learn about God and to take Him into my heart at a pretty young age—I must have been in third or fourth grade at the time. I remember it was at a church lock-in, and as I listened to the message about the depth of God’s unconditional, perfect love for each one of us, I knew that He had died on the cross for me because of that unconditional love, and I was so shaken by the idea of Jesus’ ultimate sacrifice for me, that I knew I was ready to accept Him as my Lord and Savior. So, first and foremost, I feel privileged to have found Christ so early in life. 

    Still, I think that there were both advantages and disadvantages of growing up with a Christian background. Growing up knowing about God and making a decision for Christ at a young age made it easier for me to take Him for granted and to forget about the impact of His death and resurrection. As a result, when my family began going through much harder times and our usual routine of being so involved with church was taken away, it was easy for me to become complacent.

    In sixth grade, my parents’ business—their Korean restaurant—failed, and along with that came the end of their marriage. My father moved out, and my parents decided to get a divorce. My little sister and I moved in with our dad, and eventually, my mother moved all the way across the country, from Philadelphia to L.A. The divorce had been tough on me, but being separated from my mom was even harder—both emotionally and even spiritually. She’d always been my main Christian role model—the one who had always pushed me to seek after Christ in all that I did…the one who made me spend one summer reading the entire Old Testament in English and Korean. Even after she moved to L.A., she continued to remind me of the importance of growing in my faith, urging me almost every night—from 3,000 miles away—to remember to pray faithfully and to make sure to get to church on Sunday. But without her actually there, and with my dad caught up by all of our financial problems, I gradually found it easier and easier to stop making the effort to do either. Instead, I buried myself in my school life. Knowing that I lacked any sense of stability in my home life, I tried to find it at school—through my classes, my studies, my friends.

    By the beginning of high school, I found it even easier to skip church—my father had sent me and my little sister to L.A. to live with our mom because of money problems, but I’d come back to Philadelphia so that I could go to my old school by living at a non-Christian friend’s house. I’d succeeded in placing the whole of my security and so-called “peace of mind” in my school life instead of the Lord. I distanced myself farther and farther away from Him and His word without even realizing it, and the passion I’d once had for Christ slowly faded away… After a while, I’d forgotten all about His presence in my life. I figured that the only person that I could really trust was me, and I put all of my confidence and my faith in myself, in my own achievements and my judgments and my truth.

    Basically, I was completely empty spiritually—and I don’t think I particularly cared, either. By this point, it didn’t even matter if I did go to church of if I prayed; I was just going through the motions. Over the summers, when I would be at home in L.A., I did go to church every week…and I would sit there, listening but not hearing anything, not really thinking about anything, least of all God. I would pray, but my prayers reflected my empty heart—they were all shallow and self-serving—not prayers at all, but mere wishes… “Dear God, please help me get an ‘A’ on this test.” “Dear God, please help me get into Harvard…”

    But, for some reason, God did answer my prayers…so I came here last fall, full of ambition and my own arrogance, with no idea what He had in store for me here. I didn’t even plan on finding a church or any of the Christian groups on campus, but after my mom started urging me to try to join a fellowship, I began going to Bible studies at Asian Baptist Student Koinonia [a Christian group at Harvard], if only to please her. It was the first time since before my parents’ divorce that I experienced regular fellowship, and with other Christians my own age. As I spent more time getting to know other Christians, who were committed to following after Jesus and devoted to their faith, I began to see how different their lives were from mine…which was very strange for me, because, somehow, through it all, I’d always thought of myself as a Christian—and a good one at that. I’d known all the Bible stories, the parables, praise songs, church traditions—so I’d figured I knew it all, never seeing the truth that knowing these things isn’t worth much if you don’t know God. But now… I was surrounded by images of the life that God wanted me to have—a joyful life of loving Him and glorifying Him—than the life that I’d been living—a life of serving only myself. I realized that I’d been guilty of being at the core, a selfish Christian in that I’d accepted the fact that Jesus had died for my sins, but I’d never thought of loving Him back in return. I’d accepted Him as my Savior, but I hadn’t allowed Him to become my Lord. And…as others began showing me God’s love through their friendship, I realized that I had been wrong for so long—all that time when I was looking for stability in my life, I had had it all along—in Him. God is unchanging; He is the one constant. I finally saw that—through everything—my parents’ bankruptcy and their divorce, my separation from my mother and then from my whole family, and especially the years when I’d been completely unfaithful to Him, He had always, always been there for me—loving me and waiting for me to return to Him. And… so I decided to surrender my life to Christ, because of His faithfulness.

    Now, I am just starting to come back on the right path, but already I feel so much joy from this new life I have in Him. I guess the greatest lesson that I learned last year is that salvation is not a one-time process—after you become a Christian, there’s so much more to learn—and I think the best part is that you can experience the joy of salvation continually, for the rest of your life. More than anything, I’m filled with hope and excitement at the prospect of how much I have left to experience… Although, to be honest, sometimes I am filled with regret, because I know that if my faith is weak now, it’s because of all those years I spent not growing in my faith—but then I am reminded once again that He has forgiven me of everything. By the grace of His love, I’ve been saved…again. And now, I can’t think of a better way to repay His faithfulness than by returning it by trying to be a faithful servant to Him.

    Now, we’d like to share a song with you… It’s called “How Beautiful,” and it means a lot to me, because last year did make me see how beautiful the unified body of Christ truly is—because it was my brothers and sisters in Christ who made God’s love concrete for me again and who showed me what it means to be a true Christian.

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Fast forward four years, and I'm still learning about who God is and what that means for my life through my relationships with other Christians -- like the three good friends who are currently sprawled out and drooling on my roommates' beds (uhh...thanks, roomies!). I'm thankful for that. And I'm thankful for the lovely UC recording of "How Beautiful," solo by Stephanie Co (Harvard '01). I have it on mp3 -- email me if you'd like a copy!

"Breaking the Bamboo Ceiling: Career Strategies for Asians" by my friend Jane Hyun is now available in stores!

About the Book
In “Breaking the Bamboo Ceiling: Career Strategies for Asians,” executive coach and diversity strategist Jane Hyun exposes the personal and organizational barriers that comprise the “bamboo ceiling” and offers solutions for Asians who want to succeed in today’s multicultural workplace, while also providing strategies for managers who want to realize the full potential of their Asian colleagues.

Topics in the Book
-Managing Perceptions and Stereotypes of Asians at Your Company
-How to Spot Diversity-Friendly Companies
-Getting Ahead at Your Company without Compromising Your Cultural Values
-Navigating Performance Discussions and Salary Negotiations
-Developing Self-Awareness and an Individualized Career Plan
-Targeting a Career That Plays to Your Natural Strengths

About the Author
Jane Hyun is a leading Fortune 500 corporate trainer and executive coach. Her experience includes management roles in human resources, recruiting and diversity training for large Fortune 100 companies. Previously, she was a Vice President of Human Resources at JP Morgan and Director of Recruiting for Deloitte & Touche/Resources Connection. She serves on the Boards of the Dr. Johnnetta B. Cole Diversity and Inclusion Institute and the Asian Women’s Leadership Network. Jane is a graduate of Cornell University and lives in New York City.

Praise for "Breaking the Bamboo Ceiling"

Breaking the Bamboo Ceiling addresses an issue that most of corporate America and diversity experts have been silent about. This important work should be read by all who are committed to creating inclusive and high performing organizations.”
- Professor David Thomas, Harvard Business School and Author of Breaking Through: The Making of Minority Executives in Corporate America

“Practical, personable and strategic, Jane Hyun is the workplace mentor every Asian American would like to have. Accessible stories and concrete suggestions fill this book. Read it, and find clarity about who you are and what you want to become.”
-Eric Liu, Author of Guiding Lights and The Accidental Asian

"This much-needed work ... will be hugely valuable to anyone who’s interested in achieving cultural fluency in the workplace."
-Patrice A. Hall, Managing Director and Head of Diversity, JPMorganChase

"(Empowers) individuals to take charge of their careers and gives them the tools to navigate the corporate structure."
-David Chu, Founder and former President and CEO, Nautica, Inc.

You can find out more about the book at its official website, BreakingtheBambooCeiling.com. You can also order the book on Amazon.

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Yesterday I helped Jane promote the book at the Asian Pacific American Heritage Fair in Union Square. What that actually means is that I got to spend the entire afternoon with Jane's beautiful and super-playful daughter Abigail, who refuses to call me anything but "Mrs. Pinky Pie."  Here's a cute picture of Jane Hyun and the little bot Abigail:

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Today is my last day of work, and tonight I fly out to LA and then I'm off to Korea for two precious weeks with my mom. Come June I'll be starting a new job. It's time for a fresh start.

Currently Playing Turn Back the Clock By Johnny Hates Jazz see related

Yet another reason to love Buster (the perpetual grad student/mama's boy on "Arrested Development," my new favorite sitcom): 

"God is the ultimate creator. He has the most creativity,” [actor Tony] Hale said. “Unfortunately, Christians have boxed in God in the entertainment industry. They treat the subject as if God can only be sold in Christian bookstores, but truth is truth anywhere it is spoken. As Christians, we need to stretch ourselves and be more creative, instead of focusing on a certain market. Only focusing on the Christian market is not creative. Shows that are completely sexual aren’t being creative either. [These] are ways to sell out and cop out.” (From RelevantMagazine.com)

I think he's right. It only makes sense that artistic Christians use the gifts they have to honor and worship the Giver of those gifts and to express His love to the rest of the world -- and not just other Christians. (Or maybe that's just my excuse to throw out my pitifully small collection of Christian contemporary music and listen to Kanye West instead.)

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Also, everyone watch "Arrested Development" -- it's so good! Before I actually saw a few episodes, I thought it was a less star-studded ripoff of "Royal Tenenbaums" (since it's also a narrated story about a wealthy dysfunctional family) but I was so off the mark. My sister and Hester were right -- it's easily the best show on TV!...even better than "Scrubs," although that show is much more endearing (and therefore commercially viable, if a bit schmaltzy).

It's sad that a show that won the Emmy for Best Comedy (and four other Emmies -- for Writing, Casting, Directing, and Editing!) is having such a hard time staying on the air. Anyway, you can borrow the first season DVD from me or watch the new episodes on Sunday nights at 8:30pm. (Ktin, you should at least watch the upcoming episode that has a guest appearance by Zach Braff.)

And now, a photo essay chronicling Buster's unfortunate encounter in a photo booth on the wildlife-populated island of Catalina: