jitpunkia's Xanga

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Tue, 10 Jan 2006 20:34:54 GMT

for all the faitful people whos been following up with my sometimes-too-much-philosophy-blog . im moving to a new address http://jitpunkia.blogspot.com

happy new year!!

Monday, January 02, 2006

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 04:12:43 GMT

well i guess it aint too bad . afterall . didnt do much . on d countdown . watching tv at steve's place . just d 3 of us . him ,me n my baby girl . we were watching d new york countdown 3hrs ago . i think or i wanna go there for d 2007 countdown . well it aint too bad . had some beer . d next day . dat is today, we had lunch with billie n aiko . nice good chinese food, after that went back to steven's place . watched cinderella man . decent movie . then it was raining cats n dogs in LA . so went back to my mum's place . had a nice dinner .. lobsters .. 2lbs each . cant complain abt that . had some red wine, champagne . then we sat down to play a game of RISK . its a new game to me . evendoh its been around for ages . its kinda interesting . if u wanna take over d world . mayb u should start practising on this game ..

2006 ..

i guess its a new start afterall ..

Saturday, December 31, 2005

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 23:47:29 GMT

few hours before the ending of this year , tot i put a few words b4 it all goes away . everybodys out bz celebrating n waitin for d countdown . happily drinking n waiting for d second that will bring them a new start , some would b going to d paul van dyke's rave, some i guess bbq in Kuala Lumpur doh, cz its raining 2nite at Los Angeles . some would b smiling n hugging as the clock ticks down for its final second of 2005 . im truly wondering wats gonna happen in abt 3hrs+ from now . i mean wondering wat will i b doing, where will i be . not even thinking abt few years from now . just wondering n thinking abt 3hrs from now . mayb i should make some plans . i guess thats wat its all abt aint it . afterall ... nth comes by accident . everything happens for a reason? sometimes i doubt my own words n theories esp when things goes wrong . envy? i used to b a person who has no envy on anybody else . i used to think i have everything in d world n want everyone want to envy me . to wanna be me . but as i grow into this new age i keep asking myself . why am less n less d man i used to be? why do i envy other ppl? why do i wanna b them? why do i hate my life? why do i want to live their lifes? mayb im just weak, when things changes n when things dont go d way i want it ..

just like crumbling statue .. im crumbling down ..

-// everything changes //-

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Thu, 29 Dec 2005 20:25:18 GMT

wat a nice way to end the year . the finale . d last lap . d final blow . its been 48hrs since i last my wallet . really dumbfounded by it all . baffled too . u name it . my malaysian id, my californian id, my malaysian driving license dat was just extended to 2010 . and all my sweat n blood money, from picking up extra shifts n pickin up plates in d restaurant day by day . eating at d restaurant every single day to save up every single cent to pay for my skool fees . how stupid n careless could i be? i think dats d max i think . 700+usd . gone . just like that, it was an amount of one 2way air ticket back to malaysia, 2 leather jackets, could pay for my car insurance at least near 8mths, could by 14tix to the paul van dyke count down rave, almost 7 pair of bball shoes, could fix my car with that, mayb even add new rims .. speechless . really .i was thinkin abt it so much . i even dreamt i found it . mayb 2 times in a nite's sleep . if my grandma knew abt this . shed b worried sick . i feel kinda sick inside . i suddenly lost d desire to eat, play ball, watch movies to even smile ..

i guess i need some time to b over it . but . for sure ill remember this for a long long time to come ...

wish i could just walk by a river rite now . or a habour like d one in sydney n have an ice cream cone maybe a few sticks of malboro lights n sit there without thinking abt anything . really wanna b in the moment rite now ...truly

Monday, December 19, 2005

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 19:44:54 GMT

its been a year n 2 days since iv landed here, the city of los angeles . its been one hell of a ride . well, let us put it this way ... my baby girl, asked me to write down wat i have gain over this one year . might as well write wat have i lost over this past year too . compare them together . n will see how d calculation will end up . before i get started, wat did i do this week, watched king kong, played ball n lost, worked, had my exams . got my own car.. lets get started .. nothing interesting in my life anyways . ok .. here goes

i lost my qkr6631, my one baby that brought me around, cruising around d roads of kch . running from police cz of my tinted windows . driving to go hang out with my friends at red tea road, bringing me for laksa in the morning from the office, besides my beautiful 6631, iv resigned from my job about more than a year ago . nestle . that is . doing sales in malaysia . paying me around 2 - 4k a month, depending on bonus, iv lost my dear black AMD at home, which fill me with endless hours of sitcoms, ball vids, porno n music . i din lose my fwends, but i lost the time that i could spend with them, hanging out at red tea road, with d gang ah tak, mr 45, ah soon, ah siaw, ah deek . drinkin bubble milk teas. lost d chance to spend special times like bdays, etc with em . miss those dinners we all had . lost the chance to show of in the bars like soho n grappa . playing bball at jkr . breakin ppl's ankles n shit . lost the chance to play ball at 1st silicon . watching movies at star cineplex . earning money with my old job . might prolly get a scooter n a honda intergra with a nice sound system n a set of nice rims . lost the chance to eat my kenyalang's grandma's cooking . i miss her so . miss the chance of gettin advice from her during dinner, while only both of us eating together, lost the chance to smoke with my aunt nana in genting, to drink beer with her. lost the chance to smoke with my other grandma at kmc flat . lost the chance to eat . gubak mee, laksa, zheng mee (carpenter st) and kueh chap .

lets see on the other hand, 1st of all . i got to met my beautiful lovely sweet baby, who spoils me like no other chiq has ever done, miss caterine chang pei shan . muaKz . got to live under the same roof with my mum, got to smell d pacific ocean, got to battle down at venice beach with those ballers, got to see d maddest dunks in real life, ppl streetballin, got to watch and1 live in LA, got to see kobe dunk on a fast break live, got to see san francisco at night, with it's most breathtakin night view, the one at mullholland drive aint bad too, got to ride the cable car in san fran that i only used to watch in tvs when i was younger, got to meet a few of the most special ppl in my life, shout out to my man steven~ got my very 1st car that is under my name, evendoh it has a few dents on it . my mirage . got to have my toes bury under the 'baywatch' beach while laying down lookin at d stars talkin with fwends . got my student visa, going to skool again, evendoh its kinda pain in d ass when u have to work full time just to cover ur own fcukin fees, its all good doh. got to go on a road trip all d way to seattle .. 2800miles .. 2 way .u do the math . those sights were unbelievable .. only see em in tvs . i asure u . got the chance to play paintball, to braid my hair, to buy some nice nice . kicks n clothes .

overall, wat would life be like if i didnt make d choice to come n fight for my dreams, to live overseas? id b driving my nice honda at home, working my ass off everyday, thinkin wat would it be like on the other side of d earth . happily hanging out with fwends everyday n every weekend and yet d same time wonder , is the grass greener on d other side . so that sums up the whole year . kinda .. i got a few things i wanted on my list . true friends, found em, money, found it . still working on it doh, a girlfriend who loves me so much, to make me feel wanted, to have me wake up every morning n to know theres someone caring for me . found that, after a few trial n errors with other girls . /me smirk well one or 2 things havent yet to b acheive . snowboarding n my skyline 35 .

u sum it up n tell me wats d verdict aight . its been one hell of a ride

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Tue, 29 Nov 2005 21:32:40 GMT

first of all . a shout out to my dear mum for always being there to support me, for bringing me to life on this green planet , to enable me to see such beautiful things . , thx stevo for always being there to 'mai ci' everything so smoothly and always making me see d brighter side of things, a special to thx to our san francisco tour guide eric for letting us stay in his room n eat his maggie mee and bringing us around san francisco in his scion . thx paris hilton of kch for buying me d bday cake n letting my rap skillz out at d karaoke . thx to aiko for the yakitori dinner ..and last but not least, to my dear baby girl who has been there for me for d past 2 mths n 4 days thru tears n laughters and so many great exp n moments she gave me and d list goes on n on ...

d last couple of weeks has been a bumpy emotional roller coaster for me . esp things not goin so smooth with my step dad that-i-have-to-so-very-rely-on . that i wish i dont have to rely on him . but then again .. after a moment away from reality d last couple of days . walkin around san francisco . really took my mind off some stuff n i was able to relax fully with my girl . in the cold windy weather (good 4 hugz) . we stayed in san fran for a couple of days . vizitin various areas of town . even the gay capital of d world . thats rite . thats d gay flag of san fran . my butt was taken advantage of in the first very few mins i set foot on castro . the gay area of san fran . ppl were smiling . they were happy . they were gay . in d bars . there were only like 12 - 15 girls . to a ratio of swarmin gay men . like around 100 or so . they were french kissing . grinding . holding hands . hugging . d anthem for those ppl .. kelly clarkson - since u been gone (remix) they were singing to it . like there was no tommorow . each n everyone of em know the song by heart . omg . u name it . but it was an exp for sure ...

last week . was my bday . 22yrs old .. getting older . but am i gettin stronger? i guess thru exp day by day n d things i see .. i do get older n smarter . i guess . or am i denying facts? well abt a year ago . i was sitting at home with my msn . tear rolling down my cheeks . wondering why d hell ppl celebrate bdays for? but my 1st bday in california is a blast with 3 bday cakes in 3 days . with presents from my special peepz . n love ones . i love the tmac 5 . dear . i know it took effort .. thx for those ppl who sent me sms thru fons n msn . thx to my dear dad back in kch for remembering . i was really touched . made me miss home .. till my eyes were watery .

and for d last thing that came to mind today . breathing californian air . became reality . watchin kobe bustin his moves n dunkin in staples center . sitting on a cable car up the hills of san francisco was just a tv show 10yrs ago, and all that....became reality . it was all a dream, a year ago . but it became reality . breathing new york air . working in new york . driving a nice car like skyline 35 . touring europe with a special some one . vizitin tokyo again . earnin lots of money . living in a place of my own . all has come within nearer reach to me . for the past few things that turn to real . d scales of impossible on d chart has come down to possible . where as i once tot it was impossible n even never dare to tot abt it becoming real even has turn out to b reality for me . wat a year it was .. i shouldnt give up my dreams just becoz . i cant drive d car all d time . or i cant go to my girl's place everyday . i should b more strong instead for all d dreams i once have is coming within a nearer grasp ...

// sometimes we have ups and downs, and we need to do when we are down, is to remember n see wat we have in front of us to help us keep on moving //

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 13:08:25 GMT

yesterday . is it a day away from today or is it ages away from today . while i was driving d chevy malibu yesterday . i tot of my baby .. d one dat came into my life abt 3yrs ago . i still remember d 1st day when i came home n i saw her , i remember how my heart pounded lookin at her sitting inside the garage with her back facing me.. n eventually i had the chance to dress her up over d years . with 16'' rims n low springs n mufflers n tinted windows, cd player n some sony sound system . it wasnt the fastest car in the world or the prettiest car on the street but .. it was my car , shev been with me over d rainy n sunny days , the ups and downs . while bringing it to d car wash n driving it to play ball . she was my pride , she was part of me . her name was qkr6631 . kinda miss her and also that silly little city named .. kuching .. i used to curse n say how much i hate it . over the years i was trying to get out of that little city on borneo island . n yet now . come to realize it . there was no other place in d world similiar to it . the ppl i know . the ppl i hang out with . d food i ate . my grannys n my cousins n those familiar faces walkin around town . n those dumb ppl who try to b diffrent .. miss d silly times . d cs period which made me flunk my engineering course . n cause lots of trouble n waste lots of money . yet all those exp from the past . all those scars and burn marks made me who i am today . n brought me where i am standing right now .

i guess we all cant have everything . can we . thats d beauty of it . if we can have everything . it wouldnt b bring any meaning . or value to the things we possess . but then again sometimes . when we cant have d things dat we want, we try to comfort ourselves by saying . 'mayb its just not meant to be' . but is that an excuse or is it really true? do things really happen for a reason? n yet i cant find the reasons for most of the things happening to me ..

/-/ predictablity /-/

Friday, November 11, 2005

Fri, 11 Nov 2005 19:28:29 GMT

meaning of life . as if it was easy as some math formula or it is located at some page in some text book . i have been on that topic for a long time n also its recently pop up in class . some people have dffrent views and do they want in life . are we here all with a purpose or are we here as the pessimist sees it . without meaning . the answer is too abstract that searching for it would b meaningless n d never ending search would go on?

and about this cube . look at it . its drawn on a 2 dimensional layout , but it seems 3d to us? why is it so? are we able to visualize it as back it was b4? 2 dimensional? i dunno abt other ppl . but for me . i think im so stubborn n egoistic . its so hard for me to take in other people's opnion n views . i always think im right . but d point is not dat im right or not . but are all disillusionize from the real fact? we think we have free will in life n we are able to choose n act as wateva we want . but in fact . our eyes are covered by the choices . actually in fact . theres no choice at all . we all act n react to wat we were condition . as like d weather . its so hard to predict n yet there are so many factors that effect n make it d way it is . mayb us .. n d weather is alike . are we not?

and also today . i stayed home for more almost 24hrs now . its a holiday called veteran's day . no school . no work . at home doing my assignment on english that i hate so much . i n ever hate english . but i guess im not scoring As in it . that makes me think its almost impossible for me not to score an A in it .. well d sun is setting right now . its goin down early .. its like 4.20pm cz of daylight saving . anyways . d sunset . this weekend i feel like sitting on d rocks . relax my mind of all my stupid lil problems n d things dat happen to me this week . i wanna just sit down n feel d wind in my face . n hear d wave hit against d rocks n sand . but b4 i chase n go after d sunset .. wat is important to me is . is not dat i would reach there in time for d sunset or not . but along d way . whose beside me .. chasing it together with me ..

i guess thats wat life is all about . its not matter how high u can climb or how deep u can swim . but whos climbing n swimming beside u . sharing those moments with u .

-//- peace out -//-

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 22:16:28 GMT

philosophy . d love of wisdom . wat is wisdom . when emotions n memories collaborate? aint it just creates contradictions? why is there memories? why are there emotions? and yet we claim to have knowledge n wisdom? are we rational? memories cannot b thrown away at will . and yet they sometime haunts us . does it really push us fwd to b stronger? does it really makes us wiser? does it really help us appreciate things? so many questions , yet so lil answers .

more than 5yrs ago . a very very good friend of mine by the name of ronnie sng passed away june 2000 . he never got the chance to live his dreams or to even chase after em . life is so short . just close ur eyes . n everything is gone . but still sometimes . i tend to forget n its a bad habit of mine of forgettin how precious life is . n how lil chance n time we have . but then sometimes we get lost . its like we'r trap in this big energy wave . n we let it bring us around . instead of wat we should b doing . that is standing on our 2 feet n think wat do we really want in life . but when we do ask that question . ..its one of d hardest question for me to answer .. theres no formula or correct answer to it . but yet we have to find d ultimate answer . d answer to our own hearts . i guess we have to look deep inside for that .

well . wats been happenin recently . d monster massive was a blast .. had tons n tons of ppl dress up in weird shit . by 2am . i was already tired . was i tired of shuffling? or was i tired of raving? i was questionin myself . have i had enuff or raving? or is it cz i din pop? stuff myself with alcohol?

but last nite . it was great . down at west hollywood . mayb 15mins drive . without traffic from my house . had a blast .. tons of ppl .. 200k ppl on d streets partying with ryan seacrest . kiis fm . 102.7 . ppl dancing . guys, girls, watever , walking around . dress in d most outrageous costumes iv ever seen in my life .. we got out of there around 1am . superb experience ..

my 1st halloween in the city of angels ..

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 02:14:24 GMT

as the formula has been stated, when theres rain, rainbows are bound to show up . n i guess mine did . a month ago . iv been so bz with my life . i cant find much time to get online or even blog . n i love it . friday nite we went to an asian lounge with couple of my fwends n my girl , there tons of chics to check out n we had a mellow drinkin fri nite . d next day , i had my 1st vizit to universal studios hollywood with my baby , we had tons of fun n the special effects were breathtaking n d weather was cool n windy . billie (paris hilton of kch) had her bday dinner at some buffet later dat evening . rowland heights was d next venue of dat nite , tons of stickers . this is one of em . my fav ..

tons of adventures n stories to write in d near future ..

this is one of em .. muaKz huGz

this coming saturday . monster massive . halloween rave .. w00t