jitterbug_jenn's Xanga

God doesn't care if I delete my emails.

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 01:32:32 GMT

I got this chain letter from my mom this afternoon and it really got me riled up. It reminded me of so many other Christian to Christian "look at how holy I am for thinking something like this" chainletters/articles/books/radio shows/potluck table discussions...et al. So here is another edition of...

JENNAS RELIGIOUS RANT OF THE DAY!
by J. Boettger

First, here is the origional letter inspiring said rage.
"CELL PHONE vs. BIBLE
I wonder what would happen if we treated our Bibles like we treat our cell phone? What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets? What if we flipped through it several times a day? What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it? What if we used it to receive messages from the text? What if we treated it like we couldn’t live without it? What if we gave it to kids as gifts? What if we used it when we traveled? What if we used it in case of emergency? Oh, and one more thing. Unlike our cell phone, we don’t have to worry about our Bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill. Makes you stop and think "Where are my priorities?" And no dropped calls!
> > PS-DO WHAT YOU THINK GOD WOULD WANT YOU TO DO WITH THIS EMAIL?"

     Hmmm. This email is an eye rolling experiance for several reasons. First of all the Bible is not comparable to a cell phone on the simple basis of I need my cell phone to talk to people, I do not need my Bible to talk to God, which should be the basis for your relationship with him anyway. If there was some special gadget that I needed to pray I bet alot of people WOULD treat it like they do their cell phone, going back for it when they forgot it and such. The Bible is comparable to my other favorite books... NONE of which I drag along with me unless I plan on having time to read (in which case I usually do have my Bible in the stack).
     And also, addressing the line at the end of the page, "> > PS-DO WHAT YOU THINK GOD WOULD WANT YOU TO DO WITH THIS EMAIL?", I’m pretty offended by anyone who tries to use God to guilt trip people into doing what they want them to. I’m putting whoever wrote in the same mental category I put most Southern Baptist preachers, and my cousin Lynette when she condescendingly says to my cousin Joe "Would Jesus have wanted you to tell that joke?" And in addition, if I have to be the first person to say it I will, I DO NOT think God would in any way scowl on me deleating the email (there, it’s out in the open), infact I question if God would support chain letters to begin with, reguardless of how inspirational they may seem.
     I think that for many people in contemporary American Christianity the Bible has become an idol and a false God, people rely soly on obscure scriptures to justify their actions and beliefs, picking and choosing what they want out of it because it’s so easy to do, but many times fail to listen to what God is trying to tell them or has shown. I see a trend in our world for it to be acceptable to replace a relationship with God for a relationship with sermons and the Bible. The Bible is ancient writing by humans, albiet beautiful, inspirational, many times divinely inspired, and moving writing (I wouldn’t have studied it for two years in college if I didn’t think so), it is still something that was written by inately fallable human kind.
     Should we read the Bible more? Yeah, I’m not arguing with that. We would all be better people if we studied the Bible more, or probably we all just read more, period. Are alot of people (myself included) overly dependent on their cell phone?  Of course. But I found this email flawed in both thesis and conclusion, and slightly offensive. If you ever get a chainletter with the thesis "What if we talked to God as much as we talked to people on our cell phones" or "What if we read sacred scripture as much as we read John Grisham and J.K. Rowling novels", I would be very interested to see what it says. But until then, for the love of all that is good and holy... STOP SENDING ME THIS SHIT!

And.... I'm hot.

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 05:33:24 GMT

Ok, so I am totally not going to lie to you right now, but I am really drunk. My 21st birthday was last week and I have been living it up ever since.
Tonight I went to this bar that is right by our house (convienent because I can just walk home if I have one too many... or even remotely assume I might possibly have, since I am such a stickler on drunk driving) and made myself a decent amount of money off just being hot.
I started talking to these two guys... mid 30's... totally too old for me... but nice so I was talking to them and to make a long story short I didn't do anything, but just by being hot I made $140 off these guys ($100 in cash, $40 in drinks).
Moral of the story... I am totally proud of myself.

Greiving the loss of Spike

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 04:29:42 GMT

Today is a day of loss. Spike, my miniture lop eared rabbit, has passed on. In honor of Spike, also known as Little Bunny, I will now write her a eulogy.

Spike was born in March of 2007, and at a very early age set up residency in the Pet World pet store in Newton, KS. About a month later she was met by two frequent patrons of Pet World, David Boring and Jenna Boettger. David called Jenna over to the terrarium full of small furry animals, and at that moment Jenna and Spikes eyes met and it was love at first sight. Spike went to Jenna and Davids house to live in a cage with the guinea pig Ruffles. Spike and Ruffles hit it off and were best friends dispite the fact that Spike was calm and sweet, and Ruffles had always been compleatly batshit crazy.

Spike lived a happy life, she enjoyed watching movies with Jenna, but would not settle for sitting on her lap, but rather, she prefered to hop up on Jenna shoulder and curl up in her neck to enjoy the film. She was a good rabbit, and learned how to use a litter box so that she could roam the house freely. One of her favorite hobbies was getting a bath, mostly because afterwards she got to lay on Jennas lap for a good hour or so, while Jenna dried her off with a huge fluffy towel. If she was lucky, Jenna would wrap her up in the towel afterwards like a little bunny taco and carry her around the house with her, which usually helped her go to sleep. Her favorite foods were peach yogurt, and fresh strawberry and kiwis. Spike was an exceptionally calm and sweet bunny, whenever they had to go to the vets office, the vet would always remark about how calm and wonderful she was for a little bunny.

Spike spent the last few months of her life in Phoenix, AZ, with David and Jenna. David had just built her a custom three story cage that she loved. On Halloween night, 2007, Spike lost her brave fight with a bone infection in her jaw. She is survived by David, Jenna, and her friends Daisy the dog and Ruffles the guinea pig.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 01:31:21 GMT

I just got a letter from an old friend of mine. We have always had substancially differing opinions on... well... everything. But we're friends because, you know, you have to have that one friend at the compleat opposite end of the reality spectrum just to keep you up to date on what the dark side is up to. Really though, she's a sweet girl, just... well wrong about alot of things.

I hessitate to say that people are "wrong". I have a general tendency to believe in the unending greyness about the world, black and white only exists in movies, so I don't like to say people are compleatly wrong or compleatly right, but I'm going to do it here.

So I get this letter from her talking about alot of things, but one of those things is how the fires eating up peoples homes in southern California, they're not really just fires as alot of people think, but really the divine wrath of God smiting California and all it's evil doers. I will take this oportunity to quote from the letter. "New Orleans had it's time, and now the Lord is turning to evil places like Los Angelas, and San Diego." ......................................................... (this is me taking a mamoth, not just mamoth, nine months pregnant mamoth sized pause to wonder what the hell to even say reguarding that.)

Are people serious? I'm not going to scoff at the notion that God may at some point shower down his wrath, to be totally honest the world probably desurves it, but to start pointing to things like fires and hurricanes as such, is such a copout I don't even know where to begin. Fires in hot dry places and hurricanes next to the Gulf of Mexico... please, as soon as people start turning into pillars on salt across the country side I'll start buying your Soddom and Gomorrah stories. If you're going to tell me God is pouring down wrath from the heavens, part of that story better include every first born in the land dying in the night, arch angels with flaming swords chopping people to the ground in the streets while they shit out a plague of locust, and mighty voice coming from the clouds calling "REPENT!" But until you can come up with a better example then "one time a fire started in a hot dry place", I don't want to hear it. How many fires have happened in southern California in our lifetimes anyway? Scads of them every summer, correct? Do you really think that the Lord Almighty would have to try year after year after year to reign down his death and destruction? I personally have a little more faith in the big guy then that.

P.S. New Orleans is built in a delta. Bad location planning caused Katrina, not a vengeful diety.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Sun, 19 Aug 2007 19:04:00 GMT

I have decided to renter the life of xanga, at least for the time being. I'm sure I'll get tired of it again, forgive my fickle nature.

Alright, let me update any poor soul who may be reading this on whats been happening in the life de Jen lately.

I moved to Phoenix, where its too hot, there is no natural grass, and everyone is a terrible driver. I have, subsequently, had to start learning to lock my car, lock my house, not talk to everyone I see, stop picking up hitchhikers (which hasn't actually been to hard because everyone I've met here has told me such terrifying stories of big city crime that I expect everyone I see, soccer moms included, to try and rape and kill me).

I got a new car. Not terribly exciting but my dad thought it would be a good idea if I had a vehicle that went uphill when its hot outside... you know, since I'm living next to the mountains in the desert and all. And my little brother Youlaee turned 16 so padre got me a new (well, newer) car, and Youlaee gets the hunk of sentimental junk known as the "nasty bird".

I scored a job as a nanny for some filthy rich people in Scottsdale. For those of you who don't know, Scottsdale is the part of Phoenix where everyone has lawns that cost more then my car, cars that cost more then my house, but still only eat organic because being a neo-hippy is "in" right now. A sprawling land of suburban irony where you can practically taste the double foam decaf latte in the air. Maybe I am a little bit of a sellout but the kids are cute and it pays really well.

I'm getting married. Yep, David proposed to me. It was our two year anniversary and he told me he was cooking a special meal for supper and I had to leave because it was a surprise. When I came home there were candles everywhere, music playing, and the table was set really nice with candles and a vase of roses, and two plates with plate covers on them. I sat down and he told me I had to close my eyes, and when I opened them he had removed the plate cover and there was a cheese sandwich and written in ketchup around it were the words "will you marry me?" (Cheese sandwiches and ketchup are a joke between the two of us, I'll tell you if you want, or you can just trust me that its the cutest thing he possibly could have done.) I turned and he was holding the most gorgeous ring I've ever seen. I cheese sandwich David.

Well, thats about it. Meow until next time.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 04:41:10 GMT

Offical Notes from Newells at Midnight last wednesday.

Cigarettes Tricia smoked: 4
Mexican Jokes: 10
Dead Baby Jokes: 2
Jokes about McT's tragic moustache: 2
Times Guay didnt get it: 5
Quotes:
     "You could play with a real dildo, its called a penis." -Tricia
     "Someone in Haury Hall has a gun?" -Nick
     "Double penitraition, its like an internal sword fight." -Michael and McT

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Sat, 02 Dec 2006 00:39:00 GMT

im tired of xanga. ive got a thing on myspace now. look me up, im under jenna boettger.

kittens and wire clothes hangers?

Fri, 13 Oct 2006 22:38:47 GMT

we have a winner today of "sickest true story of my life" award. the faint of heart needent read on.

one upon a time two nights ago our cat mr.kitty had a tragic, horrendous, extreamly bloody abortion, but instead of having the descency to crawl under the porch to push the dead slimy fetus from her womb she did it all over davids chair. i am not even kidding. it was pretty much the sickest thing ever.

when she was done she (for reasons unknown) picked up the fetus and moved it to the other chair right next to the one that was covered in blood and placenta (so now theyre both throughly disgusting and unsittable).

the sickness went on when drew and nate came over and i managed to yell "watch out for the abortion!" about the same time nate stepped on it. drew fell back into the chair and sat there looking as horrified as i had ever seen him... that is until i informed him the chair he was sitting in was full of abortion blood. we saw a new level of disgust on the face of mr.drew kelley that night.

this is totally worse then when mr.kitty kills small rodents and brings the bodies up on the porch then sits there all proud because she brought us a present. yeah, totally worse.

tech naked... blah blah blah

Thu, 12 Oct 2006 01:11:59 GMT

so last weekend was the preformances of our fall fest show "the diaries of adam and eve". before this is going to make any sense i need to explain a few things about whos in the show. its a two person show starring megan and shawn. megan is really cool and just the kind of person who gets on stage, does her thing, and doesnt worry about it; shawn (while he is a very nice guy) has a tendency to be a huge diva. doing tech was myself, glascock, and mark.

friday night marks girlfriend/my friend kristin decided she wanted to come see it but couldnt find a babysitter so we got her a seat right next to the light booth so if the baby started crying she could jump into the light booth with us and then not everyone would have to listen to ian scream his head off through half the show which of course happened (babies have such great timing.) mark had the baby and was throwing it up in the air, swinging it around, just generally doing really cute dad things to make it stop crying. apparently this was highly unacceptable.

saturday before the show i was talking to diva shawn who starts bitching. "oh my god, last night while i was on stage i kept looking up at the light booth and there was this baby flying around up there and i was like 'oh my god, put the baby down' but the baby was just flying around it just wouldnt stop and, oh my god it was just sooooo distracting." i laughed at him and asked why the hell he was looking up at the light booth, he never really answered me but just kept talking about how it was "soooo distracting". well i went up to the light booth to do my pre show shit with mark and glascock and we're up there making fun of diva shawn and i tell them the story about what he had said. glascock laughs "so basically our goal for tonight is to be as distracting as possible." we all laugh, "yeah" mark says, "oh my god what would be more distracting then us all being naked up here during the show." we all laugh again then stop, look at each other, giggle a little then stop, look at each other again. "sooo.... naked tech?" i ask. we agree that it is highly nessisary. so as soon as we take house lights down we all remove all clothing that shawn can see and do our thing. everytime shawn looks up at us mark starts grabbing his nipples and making inappropriate motions with his tongue and glascock gets up on his stool and humps the light board in front of him. needless to say there were also many inappropriate jokes going on over the head sets that night.

diva shawn (although he stared right at us in horror several times) adamently denies having seen us at all. psh, whatever diva shawn, whatever.

i once saw a shirt that said "ski naked, it adds color to your cheeks." i want to make one of my own but cant come up with the last part. "tech naked, ____________." somebody help me out please.

lesson of the day

Wed, 04 Oct 2006 00:49:09 GMT

the lesson of the day is:

professionally done tattoos hurt soooo much less then that one you gave yourself in high school on impluse.