why is it that i can't get through a conversation with my parents without my blood pressure sky rocketing so much that my head hurts. i'm sure they mean well but everything they say just aggravates the crap out of me. oh how i long for the brevity of time where i was financially independent from them. i guess this is a very cynical view of the relationship between child and parents, or relationship between anyone for that matter, but i figure if i don't need anything from them then i don't really have to listen to what they say or as they say live by their rules. yeah yeah.. not the perspective i should take.. it's not biblical, it's not honorable.. blah blah blah blah.. but at the momment and for what seems like most momments these days i don't really give a crap.

so that was evil twin talking.. and i keep hearing good twin in the waaay back of my mind saying.. shame on you. you're sounding like a rotten spoiled child. you should be so blessed to have parents that care and are gracious enough to offer financial help for you to go to school. you should be ashamed of your ungrateful self. they don't have any alterior motives for wanting to help you.. it's not that they want to control your life.. but if you've ever watched gilmore girls.. it's kinda like lorelai and her mom.. i should know better, right?

ok.. so that wasn't the most encouraging of entries considering it's been so long since a real post. but the venting helped lower my blood pressure.

nevertheless.. if you need to find me while my mom is in town.. i will probably be hiding out at wendy's apt or galen's house. yay for friends! =)

so chicago.. to go or not to go..

so.. one of these days i'll learn that medicine and i just don't get along. no matter what it says on the box.. drowsy or non-drowsy.. taking stuff just messes me up. when i'm supposed to be awake.. i'm groggy.. when i'm supposed to be asleep.. i can't sleep. argh..
other than that.. it was a pretty awesome day.. no desire to get into the details though.. =)

<<sigh>> i'm awake but my brain isn't functioning well enough to do anything productive.. i hope it doesn't make me sleepy tomorrow..

post-college life is so different than i imagined it would be during college. i'm not even sure how to explain it in words. during senior year there was always such an emphasis on the "dangers of the real world" and not falling away... yet here i am feeling like i've "fallen away". it's not like i've gone out and gotten into the whole drinking and partying scene. i don't even feel like one of those people who's ambition has themself trying to "keep up with the jones's" or however the expression goes. i guess i'm just one of the many swept up by the busyness of life that hasn't managed to prioritize my life well.

some might say that i'm being too harsh on myself.. and maybe i am. but i can't help but feel like my vision for what my life should be.. has fallen by the wayside. i think in my rationalizing for the way things are i figure.. hey i'm out there trying to make a difference.. i care about people.. in some weird way my whole life revolves around "serving" people.. but somehow i still think i have it all wrong. am i walking on a road to nowhere?

there are a lot more thougths that could be inserted here.. but i get the feeling those thoughts are more meant for a private journal...

on a differnt note.. i went out to hang out with some co-workers friday night... it was really disheartening to see one of my fellow teachers wearing a school shirt.. completely wasted.. drunk people are so obnoxious.. i guess the upside for me is that i could probably never drink enough to get drunk.. i would fall asleep first =)

so i finally got a laptop... but it kinda just sits around in my apt. now i'm wonderin why i got one in the first place. during the schoolyear i don't do a whole lot other than work. oh well.. i guess it's cool to have anyway.

i feel like i should update, but there's really nothing in my life to update on. i'm a workaholic that's lazy. does that make any sense? the usual workday is a twelve hour work day.. i leave the apt about 6:30 am and i get back to the apt around 7:30 (sometimes later). yet when i think about what i did all day.. i feel like i accomplished nothing. classes are a whole lot different now that there isn't block scheduling. everytime i turn around the bell rings for the next class. i guess it's good for these kids that have no attention span.. but it feels like we get nothing done during class...

haha.. i've learned also that during the school year... i don't talk about a whole lot other than school.. my brain doesn't really feel like it functions..

so oh well.. i give up on the updating thing.. for those of you still wondering... i'm still in san antonio.. working as a high school math/computer science teacher 

next time i update i'll try to have something interesting to say =)